THE CONTINUING SAGA OF FRANK, AND THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO HIM
Frank was recovering from his death one day. Dying wasn't exactly what he had had in mind for the rest of his life, so he began to regenerate his body just as soon as he could. He'd never done anything like that before, but he felt that he had a good handle on the situation. Even though he actually didn't.
So, he left the forest, which was now filled with the memories of a bitter winter, followed by spring, summer, and then, as one might imagine, fall. But! Not just your everyday run of the mill fall! This one had about 20% more leaves all over the ground. Frank Old Boy just couldn't handle this forest stuff anymore. No more pretending to live there. No more good times in the icy shade of overcrowded trees. No sweet "hello". No nothing! Well, of course there were some things, such as cereal, but that was about it. And there were also cats and dogs that roamed the village. And went into their respective houses. But Frank would have none of it.
As he left the pretend forest that he didn't pretend to ever live in anymore, Frank came to Dunkin' Donuts! Surprises of all surprises! He was, as one would say, quite surprised. He promptly walked inside this place of doughnut making, and doughnut consumption. But, you must understand that Frank was buying no doughnuts on this little trip. No sir, sir. Fruit Coolata was what his stomach craved! He yearned for the refreshing and not-so-minty taste of ice chips and flavor!
As soon as he walked in the door Frank had a feeling about this place. It was a feeling as though, somehow, he was inside Dunkin' Donuts. And he was, so it wasn't really an odd feeling or anything like that. So. The waiter came over to his table, and asked what, exactly, it was that he wanted. And just what the hell he thought he was doing coming in here like that. Frank said that he was in the mood for fruit! That he craved fruit coolata! And thought that he was getting a fruit coolata, coming in there like that! The sales clerk agreed with him profusely, and the waiter gave them a nasty look. This look was followed up by a slightly put out and sore look from Frank, and a mighty head kick from the sales clerk to the waiter!
The waiter dodged it! He flew through the air, and landed back behind his precious little counter, where he felt just like he was the king of the entire world. (Note: Ahhh, you must understand. This is humorous because, in reality, he was not the king of the world. Thank you.) The waiter proceeded to build a fruit coolata for Frank.
When this fruit filled treat reached the table of Frank, it was many minutes old. Frank paid the hotel manager of Dunkin' Donuts for his delightful services, and quickly began his feast. But! Alas! He had waited too long, and all of the ice was at the top of the cup, and the flavor was at the bottom! A true tragedy, and there was nothing that Frank could do to remedy this horrendous predicament. He stirred it up with a straw, but that was only a temporary solution. Straws aren’t good for those kinds of things. He had to fight to even partly enjoy his icy, flavory, nifty, spooky drink.
But enjoy it he did! He showed them all that day. He enjoyed it in spite of himself! He enjoyed it in spite of the entire world. But that was quite all right with Frank, because he would have rather drank a fruit coolata than a slush puppie any day. And what, exactly, was with those drinks that were similar to slush puppies, but weren't as good? Frank just didn't know. It was a true mystery of his time.
The supermarket was crying out Frank's name as he passed it, but it could not influence his voting plan. Then, all of a sudden, on the roof of the supermarket, next to the big sign that read "supermarket", directly to the left of the large smoke stacks, stood the fiddle playing guy! The funny little guy who played the fiddle and lived in the forest
that Frank also... DID NOT LIVE IN! Wait. The forest. Pains flowed throughout Frank's mind, a depraved combination of random memories about the forest and other things, and the aftershock of drinking the coolata too fast.
The sales clerk ran out of Dunkin' Donuts just in time to stop Frank's pain by pointing out that the fiddle playing fellow on top of the supermarket was actually a costumed adventurer, not the same person from the forest, and also by declaring her true love for Frank.
Frank found this sort of weird. But, then he remembered all of their good times, back in the old days at Dunkin' Donuts, and they moved into a house in a field together. The family that owned the house was a bit put out when this happened, and responded by gathering outside the kitchen window and staring in from the outside at least 5 hours out of the day. Constantly.
Since the blinds were all broken, and the window was painted open, Frank and his sales clerk lover had no choice but to sue for custody. And they won. The family spent eight weeks out of the year outside that window, and came over on holidays, too.
The war in the forest was the farthest thing from their minds all day long. The clouds in the sky were the same color of tissues, so the sales clerk decided to use a tissue to wash her glasses with. And so she did, and Frank was very happy for the rest of the week, forever.
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