http://www.tinyurl.com/hankatl _____________________________________________________________________________ \\\\\___ALABAMA TALK LINE___\"-._ /////~~~ all about Hank ~~~/.-' _____________________________________________________________________________ ROBERT ACKERMAN'S FALK LAKE WILDLIFE REPORTS _____________________________________________________________________________ Update July 29, 2015 We thought you might need an update concerning our Falk Lake that you might find interesting....Would you believe??? NO MOSQUITOS* – NO MALLARD DUCKS – NO LOONS – ONE MAMA GREBE WITH ONE YOUNG ONE – A BRIEF VISIT/STOPOVER BY TWO TRUMPETER SWAN – AND THE LAKE WATER IS DOWN ABOUT 1-1/2 OR TWO FEET !!!!!!!! Probably due to us only having 4-1/2 drops of rain all Spring and Summer - except maybe a 1/4-inch the last few days..... ............ So what do you think? p.s. and NO visit or sampling of sticklebacks for 2015 ? * – we must survey our Alaskan Legislature to discontinue the designation of the misquotes as the Alaskan State Bird ? CORRECTION/ADDITION..In addition there has been NO BELTED KING FISHERS and NO DRAGON FLIES BUT there has been an unusually large amount (about a dozen) accumulation of DAD, MOM, AND NEWBORN ROBINS (RED BREASTS of course - which has been enjoying the worms that are just below our green grass) AND SIX GREY SQUIRRELS HAVE BEEN TRAPPED AND RELOCATED with our neighbors help (TO PREVENT HOUSE AND HOME FROM BEING DAMAGED) AND IN ADDITION TO MALLARD DUCKS THERE HAS BEEN NO OTHER DUCKS OF ANY KIND (DIVING AND ALL OTHERS) .......... Robert & Michelle Ackerman _____________________________________________________________________________ Update July 9th, 2014 Wildlife Report Serial Number 0000-00000-00001-2014 The following report (although small in nature and content and not of interest to a large group of bird lovers and probably boring to others and so forth) is being especially composed for our large “Québécois” (Quebecian?) friend Thomas Lipscombe (Oh, sorry, not large as in fat - the other kind of large, you know, in stature, knowledge, etc.) (of course we have no idea of his physical weight and we’re not asking and we wouldn’t want to be politically correct – or should that be incorrect)? ANYWAYS, it has been sort of a slow year for Falk Lake, Falk Lane (Lots 10 and 11, Falk Lake Subdivision), Butte Area, Palmer, Alaska as far as wildlife (other than some of our crazy neighbors having a party or two) but of special note (not the special note provided below) is the annual return of our favorites – the MALLARDS. Early on Mom and Pop Mallard got together to produce ten little darling and delicious (see special note) Ducklings (of course we knew it wouldn’t be any other kind of bird - such as the Red, Red Robins that just keep bobbin along and around our lawn – and of which “certainly do certainly” deserve honorable mention – so there – we mentioned them – and I believe in an honorable way). So after much digressing we decided a Wildlife Report was needed and the attached pictures (See Below) probably tell it better than we have. Tom recently mentioned that many other Falk Lake Wildlife Reports are available at: http://www.angelfire.com/me2/kulacoco/falklake.txt and/or you can check GOOGLE. Special Note (but not the one first mentioned): We are sad and it is seriously tragic to have to report that the quantity of ducklings has been diminished (due to the presence of some Bald Eagles looking for food for their kids). At the last sighting only three ducklings were seen (by us). Ma Mallard has been quite diligent and stretching her neck upward to detect any existing anti-duck creatures but apparently has failed in her efforts (unless some legal adoptions were arranged without our knowledge – Well, it COULD happen?!). Copy and paste the following URLS into your browser location box to view two photos of the ducks on Falk Lake: http://s526.photobucket.com/albums/cc346/internetaction/falklake2.jpg http://s526.photobucket.com/albums/cc346/internetaction/falklake3.jpg Robert Ackerman, Wildlife Reporter Michelle Ackerman, Assistant Wildlife Reporter p.s. Copyright is still pending and the authors refuse to be responsible for its content. Attachments, Enclosures, Supplements, Addendums, Official Changes, Revisions or Denials: None. Classification (Confidential or Above)”": Not applicable and unknown for Paragraph 3. _____________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE August 4, 2013 Well, why should this epic tale be titled “A Squirrelly Event” ? or should it be “A new and Improved? (but expensive) way to catch or kill a destructive squirrel ?” (Probably not – that’s too long – like this “report”) ....... oh anyway, maybe you can offer your own suggestion for a subject ?! Oh, anyway (oh – sorry - I said that already), there we were – driving happily ever after in our nearly perfect 2009 Chevy HHR and we noticed that the battery warning light came on – and stayed on – for two days it stayed on – unrelenting – with the car THUS FAR continuing to start – at lease it did until Day Three – but I digress (I always wanted to say that) - as we were proceeding to the Palmer Midas repair shop to have it checked out ........ there was suddenly a roar and other noises of varying tones, volumes, and intensities .......... so there we were, half way to Midas - about three miles of the five mile one-way journey - and of all places we were on busy Alaska Street and blocking traffic – when the car made a very sudden stop (all systems were definitely not green or go – even the red battery warning light was out). We were no doubt at a low ebb – but then we did happily get the almost immediate assistance of the Palmer Police – with all his lights flashing. This very friendly officer offered his assistance – giving advice and phoning the local tow company. I called Midas and warned them of our soon to be arrival. We did arrive at Midas in relatively good and safe condition after enjoying a ride in the tow truck – leaving our car behind us - and began our expected long wait. After about an hours wait we were confronted with a grinning Midas attendant... seemingly unable to compose himself and way too happy for our situation ..... but after he was able to speak he informed us of an interference that occurred in our auto charging system ..................... Well, (there I go again), to make this long story shorter........... a still live squirrel was acting as an extra pulley to our alternator – but depriving the alternator of its proper rotations and function – and although there was still life in our alternator and other car parts – the squirrel was only showing small signs of movement and was carefully removed and “discarded” in the Midas trash can (and denied of a proper burial). Country music fans should know that the tow truck driver was not only a religious man but was also a Hank Williams fan (revealed when he saw the Hank T-shirt I was wearing). Midas took pictures of this local news event but I haven’t received them (yet?). Maybe they are awaiting copyright..... ? END OF STORY AND END OF SQUIRREL ! p.s. from now on there will be a warning sign posted next to our house – as follows: WARNING – PARK HERE AT YOUR OWN RISK – ATTACK SQUIRRELS ARE PRESENT. _____________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE April 11, 2012 A MOOSE EVENT. It has been a long time since I issued one of my some times humorous wildlife reports – BUT this one is not funny – and I did hesitate for a while to prepare this message........... On Easter Sunday, about 7 pm, we watched as a “yearling” Moose came walking out on the frozen lake. Our friend Linda commented that she thought the ice might be too thin. I suggested that it probably wasn’t too thin but it did have some small soft spots caused by the Methane gas coming up from the bottom of the lake. Just as we watched, in front of our eyes, the small Moose reached one of these holes and possibly was about to take a needed drink of water, but suddenly the Moose disappeared head-first into the small hole and wasn’t seen again. We waited hoping to see the animal’s head show up from the ice – it did not reappear and there was nothing we could do. Also sad was when Mama Moose appeared shortly after the small Moose went into the lake. For over a half hour she re-traced the young Moose’s tracks, walking back and forth, ears up and down, head going side to side, appearing to attempting to pick up a scent or wanting to hear something– obviously looking for her off-spring. It seemed unlikely, but it did seem she was showing emotion because of her loss. It seemed unrealistic in some ways that we were saddened by this event in light of the damage caused to our various trees and bushes by these creatures in general but then this young Moose probably didn’t have much opportunity to cause much damage. We ask that as the ice thaws that our fellow Falk Lake residents should call the authorities to remove any carcass that might come to the surface. We don’t know if any other Falk Lake residents witnessed this event. We were actually in a state of shock being witness to this event. Maybe I will do another and more happier report in the near future. Robert Ackerman Falk Lake, Palmer, Alaska _____________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE Sept 3, 2010 SUPPLEMENTAL WILDLIFE REPORT - FALK LAKE MUSK RATS ?! Hi Neighbors and all .... have you seen any musk rats lately? Up to about three weeks ago we had at least five or six going back and forth and under our dock..... BUT very suddenly no musk rats.... so what happened to them? We did discover one possible source of their demise.... even if improbable .... a hole in the ground near the rats nesting area .... and the hole was filled with thousands of tiny bees or hornets of some kind .... and we flooded the hole with a lot of water and covered it and that took care of the "bee" problem.... this could put new meaning in the words "killer bees"........ well, part of this isn't so far-fetched.... check: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_get_rid_of_ground_bees .....but if it wasn't the bees what was it? somebody poison the musk rats? ... or did they die of some musk rat disease? Today, a dead and sort of small musk rat surfaced from under our dock and we gave the ugly dead creature a decent burial..... could this be a source of pollution for Falk Lake? A bit of a mystery don't you think? Robert and Michelle Ackerman Here is a great page on Muskrats, added by ATL Web Admin: http://bobarnebeck.com/muskrats.htm 9/4/2010 FOLLOW-UP REPORT (OTHER REPORTS WILL BE RENDERED AS NEEDED): 1 - The USS Falkonian Peddle Boat (with official Commodore flag) was re-launched today, September 3, 2010 to search for possible musk rat population. None was found (and to be honest the passengers of the peddle boat weren't upset - after all, the musk rats have been tunneling under their lawn and causing cave-ins for many years). 2 - The Baroness of Falk contacted the local musk rat **expert and received a handout (which can be found at: http://www/adfg.state.ak.us/pubs/notebook/furbear/muskrat.php ) (if you don't immediately find the info there try: http://specieslist.com/endangered/common_name/M/Muskrat.shtml (gosh, people actually eat those things... I thought they were just used for making fur coats for dolls) 3 - One of the Falk Lake neighbors provided the following note of sympathy: "Sad little story right below my nose and I was unaware. I like watching them swim past transporting greenery on dusky summer evenings." Another neighbor, obviously also deeply touched by the report said "Hi, disturbing for sure." ** - The Baron of Falk defines expert as "anyone who accidentally does something correctly once" (but it is unknown if that definition is applicable - except that State's expert could offer no reason or suggestions for the departure of the musk rat population - and did also provide an unrelated piece of literature titled "Unit 26B Grizzly Bear Seasons Opened Early" - and along this line my grand-daughter took pictures of a Grizzly running adjacent to a nearly highway). _____________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE: June 22, 2010 ATTENTION WILDLIFE REPORT FANS - I have decided to temporarily come out of "wildlife report retirement" because of an important (significant) event (which I will explain later) and the fact that I was deluged with many, many requests for a report (well, I did actually have two people ask (our friend in Canada Tom Lipscombe and Professor Heins of Tulane University - who visits Falk Lake annually to study the Stickleback Fish). SO HERE GOES WITH MY ABBREVIATED, SPECIAL, SUPPLEMENTAL, URGENT, EMERGENCY, ADVANCED DRAFT AND FINAL, AND VITALLY IMPORTANT REPORT. Attention CNN (and all those agencies big and small ** as previously reported). USS Falkonian (launched) ** as previously reported (NOTE: Copy and paste the following URL into your browser's loaction box to view caricature of USS Falconian: http://www.cdcinsurance.ca/images/falk.jpg ) CREATURES SEEN INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING: -Moose ** as previously reported (NOTE: Copy and paste the following URL into your browser's loaction box to view photo of USS Falconian and moose mentioned above: http://www.cdcinsurance.ca/images/falklake.jpg ) -Fox ** as previously reported -Land Otter ** as previously reported -Other two and four-legged unidentified creatures ** as previously reported -Stickleback Fish ** as previously reported -Mallard Ducks and Ducklings ** as previously reported -Shoveler Ducks ** as previously reported -Canvas Back Ducks ** as previously reported -Barrow Golden Eye Ducks ** as previously reported -Buffle Head Ducks ** as previously reported -Ring Necked Ducks ** as previously reported -Gadwell Ducks ** as previously reported -Green Winged Teal Ducks ** as previously reported -American Widgeon Ducks ** as previously reported -Other non-diving and diving ducks identified and unidentified species ** as previously reported -Red-Necked & Horned Grebes ** as previously reported -Common Loon & Pacific Loon ** as previously reported -Trumpeter Swans (aka Swams) ** as previously reported -Cackling Geese (aka Lesser Canadian Geese) (clarification: sighted near Falk Lake) ** as previously reported -Cranes (clarification: sighted flying over Falk Lake) ** as previously reported -Spotted (& Yellow-Legged) Sandpipers ** as previously reported -Belted King Fishers ** as previously reported -Violet-Green Swallows ** as previously reported -Downey Woodpeckers ** as previously reported -Robins, Chickadees, Sparrows, Junkos, and dozens of other common small bird species ** as previously reported -Gray Squirrels (named Seymore and SeeLess aka Celeste) ** as previously reported -Common Snipes ** as previously reported -Scaups (Greater and Lesser) ** as previously reported -Alaska Wood (Tree?) Frogs ** as previously reported -Bald Eagles ** as previously reported -Herring Gulls ** as previously reported -Musk Rats ** as previously reported -Myrtle Form Yellow Rump Warbler ** as previously reported -Blue-Eyed Blue Bird (oh, I just made that one up - definitely not as previously reported -Double-Crested Cormorant ** as previously reported -Texas Long Horns ** as previously reported -Goshawks ** as previously reported -Magpies ** as previously reported -Black Birds (or Crows) (or Ravens) ** as previously reported -Falkness Monster ** as previously reported (and least but not last) -All other wildlife not mentioned or previously reported in this or any report. AND HERE IS WHAT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR - A FALK LAKE "SIGNIFICANT EVENT" PRESS RELEASE SPECIAL REPORT NEVER BEFORE PRESENTED: The existence of SCUDS (aka SIDESWIMMERS) (aka AMPHIPODA) was discovered to be in Falk Lake and are definitely NOT as previously reported. Well, this exciting event all started when our neighbor Harold recently advised he saw SHRIMP in his portion of the Falk Lake complex. Tulane's Professor Heins clarified the species as follows: "Hi Robert, They are not shrimp but they are generally related to shrimp in that both are crustaceans. You can learn more by looking up amphipods (also known as scuds and sideswimmers) online. Just google away. I do not know what genus it is but Gammarus is a common genus. I'd suggest you look online to see if this is what the beasts look like. If so, you might do a wildlife story. In the future one might order fried shrimp and get fried scuds. Stickeback fish and scuds are compatible. I imagine sticklebacks may eat small scuds. Certainly I'd expect trout and salmon to eat them. Here is a link to get you started http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amphipoda Let me know if this is the beast in your waters. Cheers, David C. Heins" Added Note: Since the project for canning and marketing of the stickleback fish (which have their own toothpicks and in fact have no odor) failed, plans are being developed to sell "scud sandwiches". If you would like to invest in this venture please do let me know. OTHER SIGNIFICANT EVENT: The Falk Lake mosquitoes (aka Alaska State Bird) are NOT as previously reported because our Mosquito Magnet machine has not been working correctly, resulting in an increase in the mosquito population. ** Note "previously reported items" can be viewed @ URL: http://www.angelfire.com/me2/kulacoco/falklake.txt or by sending me a special request. Also see www.enature.com Foolish and Unimportant Parts Of The Report ** as previously reported Warning and Information Notices ** as previously reported Other Miscellaneous Warning and Information Notices ** as previously reported "Quad-drupely enhanced" portions of this report ** as previously reported Thank you for your undivided attention. Robert & Michelle Ackerman The Baron & Baroness of Falk Wildlife Non-Experts Falk Lake Butte Area Palmer, Alaska USA North American Continent Earth ADDED DISCLAIMER: This e-mail and any attachments to it are privileged and confidential and are intended solely for use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, any use, distribution or copying of this communication, or disclosure of all or any part of its content to any other person, is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please destroy this message and delete any copies held in your electronic files. Copyright and Registered 2004 to 2010 by Ack Enterprises (Patent Pending). This publication certainly may at any time be reproduced for personal use, such as for scratch paper, with all considerations given to the Paperwork Reduction and Freedom of Information Acts and is subject to FBI perusal. Request for removal from our mailing list may be sent to our above e-mail address but will bear no results. The usual other miscellaneous disclaimers, denials, and promotions apply. Additionally, if you want to be on our mailing list - but are not - then you probably don't know to ask to be added. It should also be noted that this transmission is in no way intended as a replacement for the valid sources of wildlife information that are otherwise available - Any questions? the end............. ???? _____________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE APRIL 11, 2007 PREFACE: It has been quite a while since we have issued one of my serious, exciting, wonderful, hilarious, factual and otherwise informative wildlife reports but the constant presence of a rather large Mister Moose (probably 1,500 to 1,700 pounds) has prompted us to prepare this report. Of course two or three Moose at one time wasn't a rare event either. THE YEAR OF THE MOOSE - Is it possible that the Chinese have declared 2007 as the Year of the Moose??? LIST OF EVENTS - Since it is rather a long story I will break the events down into brief sentences, as follows: SNOWFALL - Because of the "greatly much" snowfall this year (I suppose about four to five feet in our yard) the Moose have been driven down from the mountains and have been ever-present. In fact the Moose tracks within the 80 feet or so between our house and the frozen Falk Lake looks like a checkerboard.... and the lake itself like an interstate highway. FAMILIARITY - The old saying "familiarity breeds contempt" may apply. We do keep our distance but the Moose keeps getting closer and closer (which has made for some great handycam movies and some snapshots). At times it seems we could walk up to the Moose and pet it but that could annoy the Moose to say the least. We might add that it seems Moose can be an immovable object and a weapon of mass destruction might not move them if they don't want to move. Sometimes the question is asked on how you stop a Moose but in fact you can't (they go where they want to go when they want to go there). SUGGESTIONS - Many persons of wisdom have given their best advice as to what will work to keep the Moose away and prevent them from eating the various trees and bushes (the ideas included but weren't limited to the use of a pellet gun, hanging out Downey fabric softener sheets, erecting fences around each tree, or hanging bars of Irish Spring soap on the trees (not a paid commercial) - and it seems the bars of soap worked (even though we hung them out too late for some of the already devastated trees). I won't go into detail of how we placed the soap but might mention that we used a 3/8-inch cordless drill to make a hole in the middle of each bar of soap, placed a string of approximately 12 inches thru the hole and neatly tied the string, and then hung the bar on a Moose-conspicuous limb. OTHER METHODS OF CHASING THE MOOSE - We did yell loudly, ring some loud bells and blow some horns and those methods did at least get the Moose's attention so that he at least gave us a dirty look a few times. It was somewhat more effective than if we yelled "bang" ! FRESH FOOD - The wind blew down a portion of a large birch tree several days ago and that being one of the Moosey's favorite foods (yuck) the Moose decided to park itself by the fallen limbs and continue eating for several days and slept there over night. IS A MOOSE A WOOD CHIPPER? - In light of what I have said above I have decided that the Moose is an effective wood chipper that may replace my 3-1/2-inch capacity Earthquake Brand Wood Chipper (but at least it will make my job of wood chipping a bit easier). DARKENED WINDOWS - It happened last year in the living room and once again this year ... but this time I was by the kitchen window in the middle of the day and it suddenly got darker (don't you love a mystery?) ... of course it was a Moose blocking the window and keeping out the light and when I approached the glass doors by the dining room table I had the Moose's nose and eyes just a few inches away staring me in the face on the other side of the glass... of course I panicked and called for Michelle to rescue me - and she came running when she heard my scream and was properly armed with pistol and rifle in hand for the occasion (but shooting the creature wasn't necessary because my screams of horror apparently scared it - and besides - I think they are out of season). BOTTOM LINE - I guess we are volunteers in the "Adopt-A-Moose" Program. We are feeding the Moose whether we want to or not and have been pondering a proper name for the Moose. Any suggestions? The winner of this contest will get another free wildlife report. Robert & Michelle Ackerman The Baron and Baroness of Falk Lake _____________________________________________________________________________ SUPPLEMANTAL WILDLIFE REPORT - AUGUST 2006 ---- Original Message ----- From: Robert Ackerman To: Bobbie Grimstad Sent: Monday, August 21, 2006 6:42 PM Subject: Re: interim - advanced - supplemental - wildlife? report ....I don't think it is the porcupine shadow that predicts Winter - is it ????? (and good luck to Chelsea !) ----- Original Message ----- From: Bobbie Grimstad To: 'Robert Ackerman' Sent: Monday, August 21, 2006 2:12 PM Subject: RE: interim - advanced - supplemental - wildlife? report Wow, that's amazing, did you know, Lee said a bull moose almost charged him in his truck a few days ago. It ran alongside his pick up for quite a ways, he said. I wonder if it was the same one. Yes, I heard you did confirm the porcupine. Chubby little fella. I wonder if that means it will be a cold winter. Just got back from taking Chelsea to college in Michigan. I think she'll love it. sigh. Why do they have to grow up? From: Robert Ackerman [mailto:Hank1@mtaonline.net] Sent: Monday, August 21, 2006 12:05 PM To: The Grimstads Cc: The McQuillins Subject: interim - advanced - supplemental - wildlife? report Hey Bobbie - (and Sue and gang)... did I mention we DID see the porcupine going the across the yard the other day that you called about .... not a creature I want to meet on the trail.... and speaking of the trail a rather (very) large bull moose ran the trail... and we found out later that it had been shot with a bow and arrow (well, actually shot with the arrow I guess - lol?) and several guys were chasing it around the area.... and I believe shot it again and it died in the lake and they had to pull it out (last Friday I think).... and the other "wildlife" excitement included a shrew we chased around the house for about five days.... traps set but didn't get it - finally, I (hero of the day) killed the poor creature with a metal spoon (as it ran around our countertops - yuck - cleaning in progress.... and in addition to that we are overrun with hundred Mallards... love, Robert and Michelle _____________________________________________________________________________ WILDLIFE REPORT NO. 2006-0001 (Spring Edition) (***Quad-drupely Enhanced Version) (Soft Bound Edition) (Special Report) _____________________________________________________________________________ (SERIOUS?) INTRODUCTION: For those of you that have been fortunate enough (?) to have seen this wildlife report series before know what to expect - but for you others - you should know that the report is based on actual events and happenings and wildlife viewed at Falk Lake, in the Butte Area of Palmer, Alaska. Some embellishment has been applied. A PRIOR NOTE TO AN INITIAL SPECIAL NOTE: Only serious advocates, fanatics (aka fan and attics), and ___________ and _____________ of wildlife should continue to read (and fill in the blanks). All others should hit the delete key immediately (but then you won't know what you are missing - especially since a new and improved format has been used). AN INITIAL SPECIAL NOTE: In order to be able to get to the 'meat' of the report (pardon the _expression you enjoyers of edible wildlife) I will put the usual opening at the end of this message ..... and start with the critical elements of the report - but of course the usual brevity of 5,800 words or 200 pages is being considered. The usual disclaimers and warnings apply and the normal omissions, duplications, and errors are included in the report. AN EVEN MORE SPECIAL NOTE: It should be noted that there is no way for me to improve on the absolutely hilarious reports I have modestly submitted in the past ............ but you should know that hundreds of people have requested a wildlife update (well, to be honest, my neighbor did hint once - was that last year?). WELL, HERE IS AN EXTRA-SPECIAL SPECIAL ITEM OF INFORMATION: A decision is pending as to whether the name "Falk Lake" will be changed to "The Falk Lake Wildlife Refuge" (the activity being reported and described herein certainly justifies the designation). The Federal Government has shown an interest in 'acquiring' our area. OTHER ITEMS OF SPECIAL INTEREST: I don't have any - do you ? Oh, I have one - this may not be funny to some folks but we did note that when we walked toward the lake the BIRD FLEW (there is some medical remark to be made here but not sure what it is). MISCELLANEOUS: Not applicable and no comment (subject to change). OH, THE REPORT ??? (be patient - sooner or later I will get around to it)... and I hope those that have read this report before don't realize that I am plagiarizing my own work (and that of others whenever possible). INITIAL EVENT (Well, almost, correction given below). The first (wormless) Robin of the year was sighted on the lawn on April 23, 2006. Once this event occurred everything went wild but not lifeless from then on - with a fantastic array of wildlife. This report will cover the period of the Robin's arrival to the send date of the message (which is today). SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT EVENTS (Make sure your seat belt is on - this is going to soon get serious and may overwhelm you).... don't forget that you have been cautioned. So much happened at one time that secretarial assistance was called in to check, verify, stop, look, listen, smell, record, transcribe, re-type, double-check, and ponder as to the accuracy and verification of all sightings.... DEDICATION: This detailed report is dedicated to all lovers of wildlife and to the wildlife itself. LAKE ICE: Of course what might be called "The Premier Event" is the melting of the lake ice - which happened during the first week in May (most of the wildlife activity in the area starts with this event - with the exceptions otherwise stated herein). PRELUDE: I suppose I could just give a list of the various wildlife that has been sighted but possibly that would be too simple - or even boring - but let's try it (but modified with pertinent statements). LAUNCHING OF THE "USS FALKONIAN" - The Falk Lake Navy (that's us) successfully launched the USS Falkonian (peddle boat craft - of course with its' official Commodore flag properly mounted) and its previous use as an ice-breaker was not required this year since the ice had completely melted at the time of the launching - but there was fear of hitting the ICEBERG mentioned somewhere in this report. We won't talk about the computer, fish-finder radar, speed detection devices, and other secret electronic equipment that is installed on the USS Falkonian. It is enough to say that the FBI and CIA have requested to use the ship. VERY SPECIAL RARE SIGHTINGS: Very Special Rare Sighting Item No. 1 - AMERICAN WIDGEON DUCKS - We can only recall ever seeing one of this species in years past - but this year about 30 of them showed up. Maybe they knew of a sale on widgets and thought they were kin ??? Very Special Rare Sighting Item No. 1A - CACKLING GEESE (aka LESSER CANADIAN GEESE) - The various fields in the Palmer area fill up with many tens of thousands of these bird-folks on their way North... these three must have been lost and stayed around for a day while repairing their malfunctioning GPS and checking their manual, non-electronic maps (but maybe they just liked the grass that is beginning to grow by the lake). As in the case of Very Special Rare Sighting Item No. 1 above, only one LESSER CANADIAN GOOSE was ever sighted at Falk Lake before. Special note: Visions of at least one of these goosies in our oven was difficult to avoid. Very Special Rare Sighting Item No. 2 - SPOTTED SANDPIPER - This little guy (an obvious cousin to the YELLOW LEGGED SANDPIPER probably talked about some where in this report is believed to be part yo-yo because of its constant up and down motion - well, either it was conceived part yo-yo or it has very rubbery legs. Very Special Rare Sighting Item No. 3 - One PACIFIC LOON was sighted for the very first time (which could be referred to as an "uncommon loon" since the Loon we usually see is the COMMON LOON). Very Special Rare Sighting Item No. 4 - GREEN WINGED TEAL DUCK - A few appeared and for a bird with such a fancy name there is nothing spectacular to report. Very Special Rare Sighting Item No. 5A & 5B - SCAUPS - A GREATER (5A) and a LESSER (5B) SCAUP was sighted - and obviously "one size fits all" does not apply. NORMAL SIGHTINGS: Normal Sighting No. 1 - MALLARD DUCKS - (I should correct an item here - technically, the Mallards were the first sighting of the year - for some reason - while six inches of snow was still on the ground about 75 MALLARDS (a mixture of males and females) were landing in the snow on our lawn. This is really a special event because it all happened prior to the normal migration that occurs (I think mostly California to Alaska) - and we suspect they were just looking for a change of scenery from the unfrozen/warm Cottonwood Creek that is about ten miles from our house. Normal Sighting No. 2 - THE GREBES (of the RED-NECKED persuasion) - Here we go again - Four RED-NECKED GREBES are here - The ISFTPOCTRNGA will have to once again forgive us - but the *=":&@#$+ bird (loud, nasty, annoying, harasser of ducks, and very ugly on top of it all) has tried to take charge of Falk Lake and has been chasing the ducks away (in fact they were bored a few times and were picking on each other). These ' brilliant' nest builders (NOT) are trying hard to make a home - but more than one try is expected since they insist on building their nests on a flimsy branch in the water (oh, the "ISFTPOCTRNGA" stands for the "International Society For The Prevention of Cruelty To Red Necked Grebes").... We think there might also be some HORNED GREBES infiltrating the "secret society of the GREBES". Normal Sighting No. 3 - VIOLET-GREEN SWALLOWS - Only a few have been sighted - and may prefer the more affordable and spacious housing recently provided by our neighbors. We are considering lowering the rental rates for the already suitable and affordable housing. These birds are very correctly named in that the SWALLOW lots of mosquitoes. Normal Sighting No. 4 - BELTED KINGFISHERS (moved from the non-arrival category) (close call). I guess the situation could be called "bird or fish on a stick" because they like to land on certain dead sticks hanging over the lake - to find and eat they prey - the STICKLEBACK FISH (also listed herein). Normal Sighting No. 5 - YELLOW-LEGGED SANDPIPER = Well, it could have been a small COMMON SNIPE? The WPC (Wildlife Preservation Committee) is still in session in order to make a unanimous decision on this matter. Normal Sighting No. 6 - Several visits by the COMMON LOON have occurred (the GREBES are much afraid of this large bird - but was not fearful of the PACIFIC LOON - strange - except that the Pacific Loon is about a half foot smaller. Normal Sighting No. 7 - Normal quantities of the ever-present STICKLEBACK FISH have been sighted and are being consumed by various bird species. Professor Heins of Tulane University did give his initial approval for the "patent pending" to begin canning operations to sell these fish as a special sardine product - they not only don't have fish odor but they each come with three toothpicks (spines) built in. Normal Sighting No. 8 - There seems to be more ALASKA WOOD FROGS than before.... this tiny 2- or 3-inch 'beast' sounds like a big Bull Frog - but you might think that is just a lot of bull. Normal Sighting No. 9 - SHOVELER DUCKS - What can I say - a lovely couple came shoveling along. Normal Sighting No. 10 - CANVAS BACK DUCKS - A few of these dropped by - is their back really canvas? Wouldn't make for a good meal - too tough to chew. Normal Sighting No. 11 - BARROW GOLDEN EYE DUCKS - Several of those have been hanging around - We think to show off their pretty coats. We are considering submitted a change in their name to FALK SILVER EYE DUCKS. Normal Sighting No. 12 - BUFFLE HEAD DUCKS - What the heck does "buffle" mean? (The dictionary indicates the word relates to "Buffalo" - and also states "To puzzle; to be at a loss. -Swift" - so what does "buffle" mean? (a puzzle of a fast buffalo) ? Normal Sighting No. 13 - RING NECKED DUCK - Four of these arrived - but we couldn't determine who the "ring" leader was. Normal Sighting No. 14 - BALD EAGLES - These tenacious birds continue to scout the area for snacks and meals of almost all of the wildlife in the area. Normal Sighting No. 15 - A few HERRING GULLS have been also scouting the area for meals. We may have to open a "wildlife snack bar" (but no herring is being served - we will put up a sign and direct the GULLS to Bristol Bay. Normal Sighting No. 16 - "The ALASKA STATE BIRD" (aka "THE MOSQUITO") has been making a mild appearance - and has not reached the volume of "totally annoying" yet. Normal Sighting No. 17 - One MUSK RAT (and surely soon to be more). Do you think they would make a nice coat? For a doll? Normal Sighting No. 18 - Only a minimal amount of MOOSE have been observed in the lake but they did and do-do leave their 'signs' in the local forest. Normal Sighting No. 19 - SMALL BIRDS - There is a tendency for the CHICKADEES, JUNKOS and other small birds to vacate the Falk Lake area in the Spring - We are sure they find "greener pastures" elsewhere. Some DOWNEY WOODPECKERS have been seen. In fact, one strange sight was a seeing a woodpecker trying to peck a tree of about 1/2-inch diameter (man, wood love to see the bird go into that tree - but maybe that was just a practice shot). Normal Sighting No. 20 - (Honorable mention - We almost forgot - RANDOLPH AND REBECCA - Our BANTI CHICKENS). Maybe not really wildlife huh? But Randolph will take a 'bite' out of your leg if given the proper chance. NON-ARRIVALS: Non-Arrival Item No. 1 - BELTED KINGFISHERS (Corrected above and moved to the Normal Sighting category) We were missing the clatter and landing patterns - that is the special sticks they land on - and as indicated they do help eat the mosquitoes). Non-Arrival Item No. 2 - COMMON SNIPE (Maybe the Boy Scouts have caught them all). Non-Arrival Item No. 3 - GADWELL DUCKS. No comment - but there should be. Non-Arrival Item No. 4 thru ?? - Can't remember for sure but this could include the RED FOX?, BEAR? TRUMPETER SWAN? and some of the small birds such as the MYRTLE FORM YELLOW RUMP WARBLER, the DOUBLE-CRESTED CORMORANT, and some others probably worth mentioning - such as the previously seen TEXAS LONG HORNS and SEYMOUR THE SQUIRREL. VERY UNUSUAL EVENT: Unusual Event Item No. 1 (of 1) - (WARNING: IF you have a weak stomach skip over this part) - A GOSHAWK was observed holding a female MALLARD on the ice near our lawn and pulling its feathers out - The GOSHAWK worked at this task for over an hour before taking off with about half of the MALLARD - talk about "food chain" !!!!! - at this time a small group of MAGPIES moved in to get their share - THEN some CROWS came in an chased the MAGPIES and began to have their portion of the meal - T H E N an amazing thing happened ... a BALD EAGLE was chasing the crows. Sadly, all that was left on the ice was a MALLARD smudge. NON-WILDLIFE SIGHTINGS: Non-Wildlife Sighting No. 1 (of 1) - A small ICEBERG of approximately 5 feet by 3 feet was seen (initially thought to be the dreaded and seldom-seen FALK NESS MONSTER - but we soon got to the bottom of it all - and of course we found that most of it was under the water). WELL, THAT IS THE MAIN CONTENT.... NOW WE WILL CONTINUE WITH THE FOOLISH AND UNIMPORTANT PARTS OF THE REPORT. For clarifying information check www.enature.com and the various bird books that are widely available. *** I am calling this a "quad-drupely enhanced" report because I referred to the last report as a "triple-enhanced" report. Of course there is no other reason to do so. WARNING AND INFORMATION NOTICES: This e-mail and any attachments to it are privileged and confidential and are intended solely for use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, any use, distribution or copying of this communication, or disclosure of all or any part of its content to any other person, is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please destroy this message and delete any copies held in your electronic files. Copyright and Registered 2004 by Ack Enterprises (Patent Pending). This publication certainly may at any time be reproduced for personal use, such as for scratch paper, with all considerations given to the Paperwork Reduction and Freedom of Information Acts and is subject to FBI perusal. Request for removal from our mailing list may be sent to our above e-mail address but will bear no results. The usual other miscellaneous disclaimers, denials, and promotions apply. Additionally, if you want to be on our mailing list - but are not - then you probably don't know to ask to be added. It should also be noted that this transmission is in no way intended as a replacement for the valid sources of wildlife information that are otherwise available - Any questions? OTHER MISCELLANEOUS WARNING AND INFORMATION NOTICES: Not applicable, can't think of any, and you wouldn't read them anyway right? /signed and certified as almost, nearly and sometimes but seldom correct and true/ The Baron and Baroness of Falk THE USUAL BEGINNING - WHICH IS NOW AN ENDING TO THE REPORT.... ATTENTION WILDLIFE FANS AND CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, TNT, FAQ, PDQ, ASAP, FOX NEWS, BBC & MSNBC and all other news media and talk shows and peoples of the world and some planets that either stand erect or walk on all four - including all Grand-Mothers, Grand-Fathers, Mothers, Fathers, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Sisters, Brothers and all other friends and relatives ! (and all folks from Mars and other planets and other parties of the first part) - did I leave anyone out? - OH, this does include extended families - and especially all of you other birds. I will attempt to give a brief synopsis of the literally thousands of wildlife events occurring here at Falk Lake in recent months in an attempt to keep the report brief or at least less than 400 pages and/or 1,570 words, whichever comes first. As usual, I have received thousands of requests for this report (well, so what? no one has asked for a report like this lately - so maybe I wasn't truthful - but it COULD happen). THE END ?? _____________________________________________________________________________ UPDATE : MARCH 7, 2006 - SUPPLEMENTAL WIDLIFE REPORT _____________________________________________________________________________ The traveling and then Christmas (AND the ever-growing Hank list) sort of cut into my time and I never did another report (you know what I usually say - that hundreds of folks have asked so I am doing a report - when in reality if even one person (like you) asks I will do a very lengthy report).... although we actually have been having lots of "creature events". (MUCH Moose - looked like a checker board in the yard from the tracks)....AND this past week we have been flooded with Mallards - well over one hundred at a time -- landing in the SNOW looking for food - and in addition to the Moose tracks also on our trail - we have duck tracks all over the acre - they must be Alaskan ducks because they don't mind walking in the snow - of course some attraction may exist for the ducks because I put our chicken's poultry food out for them - the ducks love it - Seymore the Squirrel has been hiding... but lots of Chickadees and Red Pole birds crowing our bird feeders.... I might add that we haven't seen a bit of the Falkness Monster on Falk Lake - it must have something to do with the ice covering the lake huh? = well, I guess you just got a special/supplemental wildlife report. Robert A. _____________________________________________________________________________ FALK LAKE WILDLIFE REPORT 2005 (Summer Edition) _____________________________________________________________________________ (I'm not sure if the good parts are coming up or not - so keep yours eyes open - but I believe the forthcoming revelation of a special food item and a special award granted will peak your interest - and it that doesn't work then check out the EXTREMELY RARE sighting of a DOUBLE-CRESTED ____________ below (OPPSSS - I almost revealed what it was AND don't want to ruin the surprise and amazement) - but this really did happen and will go down in wildlife history - or something).. LET US JUST SAY THAT MAY THROUGH JULY WERE UNUSUAL MONTHS FOR BOTH WILD AND DOMESTIC LIFE (One way it was special is that for about two months we seem to totally lack the usual wildlife - except for the ever-present GREBES - which is explained below and what could be the reason other wildlife was not present). THE LAKE: The lake did manage to stay thawed throughout the Summer (probably a lot to do with the extremely hot weather we had earlier this year). The "USS Falkonian" (paddle boat aka peddle boat - of course with its official Commodore flag) had limited use due to an unusual amount of thunder and lightning and wind and rain later in the Summer. We prefer to keep things simple and think, come to think of it, the USS Falkonian has a paddle and two peddles - so I guess it could be called a peddle paddle peddle boat? (LET THE SUMMER BEGIN): GENERAL: May started out with a bang (which may have been someone shotting at the various species of wildlife present - but we hope not). Anyway, another first-time event occurred when a very large RED FOX ran across our lawn. Other sightings early in May included a few BALD EAGLES. Another "sighting" (maybe it could be called that - but maybe we call it a that might have been a giant FROG (but all we have seen are the quite small ALASKAN WOOD FROGS). Maybe it was a small frog with big lungs? (AND ONE OF THE IMPORTANT ITEMS YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR - THE INFORMATION GIVEN BELOW EXPLAINS WHY A SPECIAL AWARD WAS GRANTED). MALLARD DUCKS: The dozens of Mallard ducks previously cited landing in the snow has faded to one lovely couple who soon became the proud parents of eight ducklings. Strangely though, all of the Mallards disappeared suddenly likea Twilight Zone thing and we did fear the Eagle had struck. No sighting of Mallards occurred from the beginning of May until later in June - NO sightings - that's none - notta - zip - zero - but then on June 20th Mama Mallard and eight much larger ducklings made a triumphant return (which obviously included duckers and ducketts) - In light of the eight ducklings surviving all this time, which is a first of a kind event since our tenure at Falk Lake, a "MAMA MALLARD OF THE YEAR AWARD" was granted - the citation read in part - "......the Motherly care imparted by this Female Mallard was exemplary and never-before seen .... and the surviving ducklings have managed to florish and grow to nearly the size of Mrs. Mallard...". OTHER DUCKS: Occasional sightings of RING-NECKED DUCKS, CANVAS BACK DUCKS, GADWALL DUCKS, BARROW GOLDEN EYE DUCKS continued and I forgot to previously mention the WIGEON DUCKS. GREBES: The usual two RED-NECKED GREBES has turned into a "landslide" (or should that be a "waterslide"?) of not only their family but a smaller but highly competitive group of HORNED GREBES has made themselves known - resulting in another record-breaking event at Falk Lake - a total of six GREBES present at one time - and they don't seem to get along with themselves or any other wildlife. We did determine that both kinds of GREBES are as equally nasty and stupid (my apologies to the *SFTPOCTSAMG" associates reading this report). But let's face it folks - the GREBES try to poke any ducks present and at least scare the heck out of a lot of the wildlife. Gosh, before you know it there will be a family of PIED-BILLED GREBES here trying to ruin the neighborhood (and they aren't even supposed to be in Alaska). * - Society For The Prevention of Cruelty To Stupid and Mean Grebes" OTHER BIRDS: And how about those "MYRTLE FORM YELLOW RUMP (pardon the _expression) WARBLER" (and didn't hear a warble but it is a nice looking bird). I had to repeat this entry just because it is such a bird-like name. There is another note about a special bird but I can't read the writing so let's forget about that one. (HERE YOU GO - THE RARE BIRD SIGHTING MENTIONED UP ABOVE): SPECIAL BIRD EVENT: A first-time sighting of a DOUBLE-CRESTED CORMORANT occurred - it is a hard-to-describe and awkward looking bird - which has to spread its wings out to dry before attempting to take off - which seems to be a very difficult task for them. No further sighting was known for the CACKLING CANADIAN GOOSE. SPECIAL CATEGORY BIRDS: Randolph and Rebecca Chicken (BANTI ROOSTER AND WIFE) are still living happily-ever-after and the appearance of Rebecca's tiny eggs have still been infrequent. After sitting on her eggs for almost two months it was decided there would not be any Banti chicks. Randolph has continued to be in the "attack mode". (NO PROMISES - BUT MAYBE SOMETHING INTERESTING IS FORTHCOMING). OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: The TEXAS LONG HORNS managed to stay home and not invade our space but "SEYMOUR THE SQUIRREL" remained ever-present. BIRDS - YOU LIKE BIRDS? There was a continued presence of CHICKADEES but the RED POLES have not been seen lately. The recent return of the BELTED KING FISHERS was a great sight to see - but sadly there has not been any TRUMPETER SWAN seen. Well, that is the good news and the bads news but for more good news the COMMON LOON has appeared now and then. The SWALLOWS became an integral part of the mosquitoe fighting system but recently departed after their young learned to fly. FALKNESS MONSTER: We failed to mention this mysterious creature in our last report (an unforgiveable error in light of our trip to the actual LOCH NESS location in Scotland last October). We were completely convinced that we finally had seen a fire-breathing FALK NESS MONSTER - but then realized it was just the lightning that had been occurring. (JUST THOUGHT I WOULD ASK - ARE YOU STILL READING?) MOOSE: The local MOOSE population has drindled and sightings have been rare. OTHER OTHER AND MISCELLANEOUS THINGS AND STUFF AND ITEMS: Items and events and reports and activities and possible sightings and other unusual occurrences expected to be reported include the possible presence of unidentified flying and non-flying wildlife or even some Unidentified Flying Objects (with creatures). STILL OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: We would guess OSCAR THE MUSKRAT fits into this category - yep - he's still here (and more little ones to follow we am sure). (HERE IS THE BIG NEWS YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR - SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING SO LONG): A NEW SARDINE TREAT: Some special meetings and negotiations were held with Professor Heins of Tulane University to possibly prepare, taste test, patient, copyright, and register a new food item (and since the copyright and other application haven't been completed yet please don't tell anyone about the following): We will be very wealthy once we market our BRAND NEW SARDINE - it has been determined that for several reasons the Stickleback Fish would make excellent sardines - after all, they each come with three built-in toothpicks - and they have no smell. If you would like to be on the waiting list for our initial shipment of this product please do send us a notarized document specifying the amount needed and a full disclaimer against lawsuits due to illness. This years expedition to study the special Falk Lake Stickleback fish was supervised, directed, recorded and otherwise monitored by Miss Johanna Ecke (promoted from field assistant to group leader by an unknown self-proclamation) and all work was completed with her able assistant Professor Heins. EVEN MORE AND STILL OTHER MISCELLANEOUS AND UNUSUAL AND SELDOM SIGHTED AND VARIED SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: Not applicable. STILL OTHER FLYING AND NON-FLYING SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: Not applicable. SPECIAL SWEEPSTAKES AND PRIZE: We are sorry to announce that the second annual "Falk Lake Wildlife Sweepstakes" was cancelled due to the lack of local sponsors. _____________________________________________________________________________ FALK LAKE WILDLIFE REPORT 2005 (Spring Edition) LET US JUST SAY THAT APRIL WAS QUITE A MONTH FOR BOTH WILD AND DOMESTIC LIFE ! THE LAKE: THE LAKE THAWED AND THE ICE DISAPPEARED IN THE LAST FEW DAYS OF APRIL! As an annual event the "USS Falkonian" (paddle boat aka peddle boat - of course with its official Commodore flag) was properly launched (but sorry to say the launching was perpetrated without the usual computerized and complicated depth-finder electronics and other sophisticated paddle boat devices) We prefer to keep things simple. Come to think of it the thing has a paddle and two peddles - so I guess it could be called a peddle paddle boat. MALLARD DUCKS: The dozens of Mallard ducks previously cited landing in the snow has faded to one lovely couple (but with an additional male appearing at various times). They continue to be well-fed by local residents. OTHER DUCKS: 2005 has started as an amazing "duck season" - We have sighted the following in varying quantities (The first-ever sighting is marked with an @ sign): - @ RING-NECKED DUCKS (and they have a ring about their bill also - so maybe they are Ring Necked & Bill Ducks?). - @ CANVAS BACK DUCKS (heck no, it can't be real canvas). - @ GADWALL DUCKS (what the heck is a "gadwall"? - and the Latin name doesn't clear the issue up at all - now here's a first for you - it is "Anas Strepera"....).... - BARROW GOLDEN EYE DUCKS (they aren't from Barrow, Alaska and not so sure the eyes are golden) GREBES: The usual two RED-NECKED GREBES has turned into a "landslide" (or should that be a "waterslide"?) of not only their family but a smaller but highly competitive group of HORNED GREBES has made themselves known - and they don't seem to get along with their red-necked cousins or any other creature for that matter). We would guess that both kinds of GREBES are as equally nasty and stupid (my apologies to the *SFTPOCTG" associates reading this report). * - Society For The Prevention of Cruelty To Grebes" BIRDS - YOU LIKE BIRDS? All Winter we have been deluged with thousands of CHICKADEES and RED POLES (and some other unidentified species here and there) but their numbers have faded at the start of Spring. Unfortunately we have yet to see the return of the BELTED KING FISHER, TRUMPETER SWAN or COMMON LOON (I guess we can call this a "non-sighting"). But let us not forget the "VIOLET GREEN SWALLOWS" that have returned in large quantity. They are excellent mosquito catchers - and this device and the Mosquito Magnet device are apparently somewhat controlling any major invasion by the ALASKA STATE BIRD (the mosquito that is). Gosh, we almost forgot the presence of the "DARK-EYED JUNCOS". We were also very pleased to see the first ROBIN RED-BREAST on April 25th. OTHER BIRDS: And how about those "MYRTLE FORM YELLOW RUMP (pardon the _expression) WARBLER" (and didn't hear a warble but it is a nice looking bird). There is another note about a special bird but I can't read the writing so let's forget about that one. SPECIAL BIRD EVENT: We were astounded at a visit by a CACKLING CANADIAN GOOSE (who spent the day pecking at our lawn before departing and prevented us from working in the yard). (but we never did hear any cackling). I guess it was the "cackless" species. SPECIAL CATEGORY BIRDS: Randolph and Rebecca Chicken (BANTI ROOSTER AND WIFE) are still living happily-ever-after and the appearance of Rebecca's tiny eggs have still been infrequent. Randolph has been in the "attack mode" and makes an excellent "watch chicken" - but if he keeps pecking at us he may soon become chicken soup. (AS PROMISED - we will get to the more interesting and exciting parts soon). OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: Would you believe three TEXAS LONG HORNS visited our yard (and left the appropriate "markings" and holes in the lawn????? Believe it or not it is TRUE (local Veterinarian doesn't have enough fencing). "SEYMOUR THE SQUIRREL" still thinks he is a bird and is still hanging around - and it is possible that he will buy a car next because he was checking out our garage (and "SEMORRA" is still offered as an alternate name in case of a gender emergency). (JUST THOUGHT I WOULD ASK - but did you notice the interesting and exciting parts yet? I was sure there was something that stood out - but not sure what it was). MOOSE: The local MOOSE population is still a problem - Two of the creatures came out of the trees when we were walking on the road - about 15 feet away from us - and as we headed for the protection of the trees they decided to continue on their journey and seemed to lack interest in human encounters.. OTHER OTHER AND MISCELLANEOUS THINGS AND STUFF AND ITEMS: Items and events and reports and activities and possible sightings and other unusual occurrences expected to be reported include the possible presence of unidentified flying and non-flying wildlife or even some Unidentified Flying Objects (with creatures). STILL OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: We would guess OSCAR THE MUSKRAT fits into this category - yep - he's still here (and more little ones to follow we am sure). EVEN MORE AND STILL OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: Not applicable. STILL OTHER FLYING AND NON-FLYING SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: Not applicable. SPECIAL SWEEPSTAKES AND PRIZE: We would like to announce the first annual "Falk Lake Wildlife Sweepstakes" (entry is simple - send your favorite wild or domestic life story and you will win wildlife reports for life. _____________________________________________________________________________ FALK LAKE WILDLIFE REPORT 2005 (Winter Edition) MALLARD DUCKS: To our surprise we have been visited by many dozens (give or take a hundred) Mallard ducks. They have apparently been talking among themselves about the delicious poultry food that has been allegedly left by our chickens next to the ice of frozen Falk Lake. Now this might not mean much to the average bird-watcher - BUT it is amazing to us because it is the very first time in the Winter that the Mallards have showed up. BIRDS - YOU LIKE BIRDS? .All Winter we have be deluged with thousands (well, probably) Chickadees and Red Poles (and some other species here and there) - and I think we have fed them about 1,200 pounds (oh, sorry, exaggerating again - maybe 100 pounds) of sunflower seeds. SPECIAL CATEGORY BIRDS: Randolph and Rebecca Chicken (Banti Rooster and Wife) are still living happily-ever-after and the appearance of Rebecca's tiny eggs have been infrequent (and they did whisper that they were anxious for nice weather and to get out of their coop) (oh, you mean you never saw or heard a talking chicken? - Well, they can't talk very loud. (AS PROMISED - we will get to the more interesting and exciting parts soon). FALK LAKE ICE: The lake is frozen (and this Winter was the first time we actually walked on the ice without finding out how thick it was OR WASN'T). OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: We would like to introduce you to a new presence - "SEYMOUR THE SQUIRREL" (who thinks he is a bird) has been omni-present (neat hyphenated word huh?) throughout the Winter. We know he believes he is a bird because he is living in a bird house in our spruce tree forest (which he has filled with sunflower seeds in direct competition with the birds (but the birds don't think they are squirrels - it appears anyway - so whose to know?). Seymour has been too squirrelly to allow a picture to be taken (and some consideration has been given to offering an alternate name - just in case - so "SEMORRA" is offered in case of a gender emergency. (JUST THOUGHT I WOULD ASK - but did you notice the interesting and exciting parts yet)? MOOSE: Well, let's some up this category in one word ("TOO MANY") (oh, sorry, I guess that is more than one word - so while I am in error let me explain that a rather large quantity of Moose have been visiting us - and it is a bit difficult to go out there and tell them to go away (at this point I think I will attach some pictures - note the "small" moose in the picture and the evidence in the picture of a tree that has been munched about 8 to 10 feet above the ground. - in addition to really liking the tender sprouts of our once-nice-looking birch trees - they have insisted on eating our fruit trees and bushes and apparently really find the Black Currant bushes particularly good as a dessert The sign on the Glenn Highway indicates that over 260 moose have been killed this Winter by auto and train traffic - but we did not notice any absence of Moose - on the other hand there has been more around than unusual. This situation is evidenced by the fact there are more Moose tracks in the yard than human tracks. OTHER OTHER AND MISCELLANEOUS THINGS AND STUFF AND ITEMS: Items and events and reports and activities and possible sightings and other unusual occurrences expected to be reported include the possible presence of unidentified flying and non-flying wildlife or even some Unidentified Flying Objects (with creatures). _____________________________________________________________________________ FALK LAKE WILDLIFE REPORT 2004 - Late Fall & Early Winter Edition BIRD BULLETIN - We are pleased to announce that there was a new arrival - the Swallows decided to nest on our house this year for the very first time (and later with their new arrivals). These mosquito catching and swiftly flying birds were a welcome sight and we invited them back next year (if they decide to return from Capistrano). They proved to be exceptional parents, constantly feeding their young. BIRDS - YOU LIKE BIRDS? Check this list of bird sightings and in some cases suspected sightings: Belted Kingfishers, Yellow-Rumped Warblers, Myrtle Forms, Robins, Northern Waterthrash, Black and White Warblers, American Pipit, Hermit Thrushes, Golden and Ruby Crowned Kinglets, Pine Grosbeaks, Yellow-Billed Red-Haired Snip (oh, just trying to keep you awake - I made that one up), White Kites, Juncos, Snow Buntings, Finches, Golden and White-Crowned Sparrows, Boreal Chickadees, and other numerous species too numerous to mention. There continued to be routine sightings of the Red-Necked Grebes, Common Loons, Trumpeter Swans, Bald Eagles and far too many others to name - even though we keep trying - we wouldn't want to be repetitive). But then again there were Shoveler, Mallard, Barrow Golden-Eye, Sandpipers and other unnamed and unidentified types of ducks and other species. We were pleased that two Mallard families lived on our lake for a while this Summer and the continued presence of a male/female mixture of about 75 Mallards continued throughout this reporting period. They happily come into our yard to eat. SPECIAL CATEGORY BIRDS: Randolph and Rebecca Chicken (Banti Rooster and Wife) are still living happily-ever-after and the appearance of Rebecca's tiny eggs are inconsistent but quite frequent (and we have had enough of the tiny eggs for a few omelets over the past year). The 2004 season brought only two baby banti chicks. Randolph did get very upset when Rebecca decided to go to unknown locations to lay and sit on her eggs. (don't give up - we will get to the more interesting and exciting parts soon). FALK LAKE ICE: The lake became somewhat iced over the end of October 2004 - with some unfrozen spots being utilized by the 30 or 40 Mallards left in the area. DE-LAUNCHING: The Official Falk Lake Naval Fleet, the USS Falkconian Peddle [or paddle or poodle power] Boat wildlife research vessel (with official Commodore flag and depth finder and emergency paddles and drink holders) was officially dry-docked the beginning of October. It was reported that all posted speed limits were observed. Close coordination with all wildlife protection officials happened and will happen as deemed necessary but no emergency Winter launchings are anticipated. OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: GIANT (REALLY BIG) LAND OTTER: It was a shock to see this four to five foot creature come slinking out of the lake and go into our Mirkwood trail. The existence of this surprisingly large animal was confirmed by the local biologist and we were warned that they are dangerous (the Land Otter - not the biologist). We thought sure we finally saw the Falk Ness Monster. MUSKRATS: Muskrats were continually sighted - the TSFTPOUC (The Society for the Protection of Ugly Creatures) continued to monitor the situation and stood ready to issue citations as needed. STILL OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: LOCH NESS [AKA FALKNESS OR OR FALK MESS OR LOCK MESS] MONSTER: Surveillance and research continues - but having visited the actual Loch Ness site in Scotland in October 2004 we do have some new insight and now know more of what clues to be looking for (see below). STICKLEBACK FISH: Our friends from Tulane University continued their research into these small and unique fish by once again collecting samples for study. It does seem that the population of these fish was down this year. RELATED INFORMATION TO THE ABOVE LOCH NESS ENTRY: An unusual "phenomenon" occurred just this morning - that may or may not be attributed to the Falk Ness monster - an unusual 2 or 3 foot wide and very straight line formed diagonally in the lake (well, we figured that it could be a "crop circle" that straightened out?? - Well, it could happen couldn't it?) It is apparent the line was not made by any creature - human or otherwise - and the ice isn't thick enough for a snow machine. We feel certain that an explanation of this event was found in a book by David Campbell, Ph.D. titled "Take The Road To Creativity And Get Off Your Dead End." On Page 31 it explained the situation as follows: "...After many years of work, we have learned how to handle a high-intensity beam of ~10 (to the eleventh power) y-rays per second with a 2 to 3 percent duty cycle, at the same time using a detector that has a large mass acceptance, a good mass resolution of M = 5 Mev, and the ability to distinguish two pie marks from e+e by a factor of >> 10 (to the eighth power)." (well, you must certainly get the picture from this explanation - I know I feel enlightened). MOOSE: Strangely, there hasn't been any recent moose sightings in the area (but once the snow gets deep they should come down from the mountains and visit us). Of course earlier in the Summer the moose managed to come and eat our fruit trees and flowers. OTHER OTHER: Items and events and reports and activities and possible sightings and other unusual occurrences expected to be reported include the possible presence of unidentified flying and non-flying wildlife. _____________________________________________________________________________ FALK LAKE WILDLIFE REPORT LATE SPRING & SUMMER 2004 FALK LAKE ICE: The lake was suddenly cleared of ice on or about May 6th (nobody seems to know where it went and if it melted it didn't raise the water level - to the contrary - the lake level went down a few inches - so we suspect the ice was "snatched up"). LAUNCHING: The Official Falk Lake Naval Fleet, the USS Falkconian Peddle [or paddle] Boat wildlife research vessel (with official Commodore flag and depth finder and emergency paddles and drink holders) was officially launched in a more or less informal ceremony early in May. All posted speed limits were observed and will continue to be adhered to. Close coordination with all wildlife protection officials will happen as deemed necessary. MOOSE: I believe the 2003-2004 season should be declared the "YEAR OF THE MOOSES" because we have had more mooses making footprints in our yard (it looked like a checkerboard in the snow) than at any previous time. I might even be so brave as to add that if there were some manufacturing use for moose droppings we could have built a factory. See the attached visit from Mrs. Marylyn Moose (for a few moments I was feeling like the endangered species - got way too close - so please don't try this at home). I must also add that I have never been a moose or even played one on TV. BIRDS - YOU LIKE BIRDS? Check this list: a. (NOW THIS IS A FIRST) Cary the Canadian Goose arrived on May 2nd (probably lost - and trying to find his mate - and didn't stick around too long). b. Around the same time as stated in a. above, Gaylord and Gertrude Grebe showed up and of course immediately started to intimidate (or is that imitate?) all other flying creatures in the area. About a week later their four cousins, named Gaylord and Gaylord and Gertrude and Gertrude arrived - and they all joined in a very loud chorus of grebe songs. c. In summary, Michelle, our bird researcher and specialist, reported positive sightings of Bald Eagles, White Kites, Juncos, Snow Buntings, Finches, Golden and White-Crowned Sparrows, Boreal Chickadees, Northern Waterthrushes, Golden and White -Crowned Sparrows. (and far too many others to name - we wouldn't want to be repetitive). d. Robin Red Breast [Killer Species - first name Robin]: We knew Spring had finally arrived when a "killer" Robin attacked Michelle's hat - but they are still a welcome sight. e. Lots of ducks arriving of the Sammy Shoveler, Melvin Mallard, Barry Barrow Golden-Eye, and other unnamed and unidentified types (Melvin, and Melvin, and Melvin, and Melissa Mallard made their first appearance on April 22nd and as many as 20 diving ducks were sighted at one time - all named Don - or Dawn). f. Another flying object that could be considered a bird did appear in recent days (a fire helicopter was going around and around overhead reporting and observing the neighbors brush fire. This action was backed up by the arrival of an appropriate ground crew. SPECIAL CATEGORY: Randolph and Rebecca Chicken (Banti Rooster and Wife) are still living happily-ever-after and the appearance of Rebecca's tiny eggs are inconsistent but quite frequent (and we have had enough eggs for a few omelets over the past two years). OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: MUSKRATS: Oscar and Oscar (and Oscar) Muskrat was sighted on about May 1st (no further comments will be made on these ugly creatures because we have been warned to contain ourselves by the TSFTPOUC (The Society for the Protection of Ugly Creatures). GIANT BEAVER: We were startled at a sound of a tree being attacked and thought it was a Giant Beaver (which had been rumored as being in the area) BUT it turned out to be our neighbor's rather large backhoe taking down a tree. STILL OTHER SPECIAL CATEGORY CREATURES: LOCKNESS [AKA FALKNESS] MONSTER: Surveillance continues............ OTHER OTHER: Items and events and reports and activities and possible sightings and other unusual occurrences expected to be reported include the presence of Common Loons, Belted Kingfishers, Trumpeter Swans, Sandpipers and possibly some Common Snipes (attention boy scouts). Other bird-watching is expected to reveal the appearance of Black and White Warblers, American Pipit, Hermit Thrushes, Golden and Ruby Crowned Kinglets, Pine Grosbeaks and other numerous species too numerous to mention. WARNING AND INFORMATION NOTICES: This email and any attachments to it are privileged and confidential and are intended solely for use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, any use, distribution or copying of this communication, or disclosure of all or any part of its content to any other person, is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please destroy this message and delete any copies held in your electronic files. Copyright and Registered 2004 by Ack Enterprises (Patent Pending). This publication certainly may at ny time be reproduced for personal use, such as for scratch paper, with all considerations given to the Paperwork Reduction and Freedom of Information Acts and is subject to FBI perusal. Request for removal from our mailing list may be sent to our above e-mail address but will bear no results. The usual other miscellaneous disclaimers, denials, and promotions apply. Additionally, if you want to be on our mailing list - but are not - then you probably don't know to ask to be added. It should also be noted that this transmission is in no way intended as a replacement for www.enature.com (but it could happen). /signed and certified as almost, nearly and sometimes correct and true/ The Baron and Baroness of Falk OTHER MISCELLANEOUS WARNING AND INFORMATION NOTICES: Not applicable, can't think of any, and you wouldn't read them anyway right?. /signed and certified as really, really correct and true/ The Baron and Baroness of Falk _____________________________________________________________________________ CONTACT: Robert Ackerman - EMAIL: Hank1@mtaonline.net _____________________________________________________________________________