Wildest Times In The World (Part 5)

Disclaimers in Prologue

Chapter 5

//And I am falling into a world I can't describe
And I am calling cause I'd like to say goodbye//

//Ya, I will be in town tomorrow, could you meet me at the station
If it's just to see your face as the train pulls through
I just want to see you laugh or cry or shake your head at me
I just want to see what twenty years has done//

//See I have nothing left to lose and no time left to choose
If I should let this deadly silence carry on
Twenty years or twenty days is far too long
For two people who once held each other in their arms//

"Falling" by Bruce Guthro

November 1, 2017
Angel's Apartment

The flickering light of candles cast dancing shadows on the wall as
Angel awoke with a start. Looking over he saw Buffy tangled in the
sheets. For a second he thought that he was stuck in the nightmare that
had haunted him for years, the nightmare where Angelus rose again. It
was only as his head cleared that he realized it wasn't a dream. Buffy
was really there in his bed. Smiling, he sent a quiet thought of thanks
to Willow. Her restoration spell had lacked the conditions of the
original gypsy curse. His soul was his. Carefully shifting his weight
he propped a pillow behind his shoulders and leaned against the
headboard. He relaxed as he watched Buffy's sleeping form. For the
first time in a long time he felt truly content.

The sheer joy of having Buffy back in his life banished any thought of
additional sleep from his mind. He started to rethink their
conversation and was saddened at the losses Buffy had suffered, her
parents gone, her Watcher half way around the world, losing her friends
to marriage and careers. He knew only too well the loneliness she was
most certainly feeling. Frowning, he realized that she never had told
him her reason for contacting him again. He knew it must be serious.
Loyalty would prevent her from doing anything that would hurt Giles.
They had made the choice to separate to prevent hurting the Watcher.
They had lived with that decision for twenty years, and he couldn't
imagine what would cause her to change her mind now.

He watched her sleep as he tried to figure out what new threat could be
so awful that she would have to find him. It was then that he noticed
exactly how thin she was, how her collarbone jutted out from her skin,
skin that was no longer pink and healthy but pale and sallow. Her once
shining hair seemed dull, its luster vanished. With a sinking heart
Angel realized that there was no outside threat to battle this time.
Buffy looked sick. The fleeting feeling of contentment left him.
Biting his lower lip he leaned his head back and prayed. Prayed for the
strength he knew he was going to need. She had come to say goodbye he
realized, and there was no way in hell he would let her. She couldn't
just walk in and walk out. He hadn't been there when she needed him
these last twenty years, but he would be there now.

How long he sat, watching her sleeping form he wasn't certain. Finally
Buffy began to stir. Her eyes opened and she sought him out with her
eyes. A smile broke out across her face as she saw him.

"Hey, not sleepy?" she asked. Her smile vanished as she saw his solemn
gaze. "What's wrong?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question? I'm sure you have a reason
for finding me now, after all this time." Angel's voice was harsh with
anger and sorrow. Standing up he walked over to the candles and stood
with his back to her. Buffy's face grew troubled as she considered his
question. Pushing up into a sitting position she reached down and
pulled the blanket up around her shoulders.

"I missed you..." Her voice was soft.

"Is that all? There's nothing else? No demon you need help with? No
monster that needs stopping? Nothing important you needed to tell me?"
He kept his back to her as he spoke.

"What's with you? I'm here because I wanted to see you. Isn't that
enough?" She stood and walked over to stand behind him, slipping her
hands over his shoulders as she spoke.

"No it's not! I need the truth. We've spent twenty years apart because
neither one of us wanted to hurt Giles. What's changed that makes it
okay for us to be together? Are we together again? Or were you just
passing through?" As he spoke Angel pulled away from her and stalked
across the room. He stopped for a second and she could see him make an
effort to calm down. After a moments silence he returned to stand in
front of her. Lowering his voice he continued, "What's wrong with you?
Don't lie to me and say everything is okay. I know something is wrong.
I want to know what."

Buffy looked down at her hands for a long minute. When she finally
spoke her voice trembled. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I
didn't want you to find out. I didn't want to hurt you again." As she
finished speaking she returned to the bed and sat, a small huddled
figure beneath a dark blanket.

"Find out what? What's wrong? Tell me please." He knelt in front of
her as he waited for her answer, an answer he already knew deep inside.

"Angel, I'm dying." As she spoke tears began to trickle down her
cheeks. He reached up and brushed them away, then sat down on the bed
and pulled her into his arms. She lay her head upon his shoulder and
quietly wept for them both. Angel slowly stroked her hair as if he
could wipe away whatever pain she was suffering. After awhile the tears
stopped but he was afraid to question her, afraid to break the fragile
peace of the moment. Buffy sensed his unspoken questions and began to
speak softly, almost whispering her story.

"Over the past few years I've occasionally had these really severe
headaches. I didn't think much of it. I could go months at a time
without them, then have one that would knock me off my feet for three
days. I just thought they were migraines caused by stress. Then about
three months ago I had a seizure and passed out. I was admitted to the
hospital for tests. An MRI showed a mass near my brain stem. They
tried to shrink it by using some drugs and some radiation but nothing
worked. It's inoperable and it's getting bigger. The doctors say it'll
eventually get big enough to press on my brain stem and disrupt its
function. It's going to kill me." As she spoke her voice went flat, as
though distancing herself from the story. "They say they don't know how
long that'll take, but I know it's not long. I can see it in their
eyes." She lifted her head up and looked him in the face. "I just
wanted to see you one more time."

Angel was silent. Her story had washed over him like a wave, he needed
time to let the news sink in. When he spoke his voice was gentle. "Did
you really think you could come here and tell me this and then I'd just
let you go? That I'd let you face this on your own? And don't tell me
you're not on your own. I know you. You won't tell the people that
matter, Giles, Willow, Xander, or even Cordelia. You'll try and tough
it out yourself, thinking that you're protecting them. Well I know the
truth now and I'm not going to let you be alone. I want to help you."

"I don't need help. I can handle this." She pushed away from him
angrily and walked back across the room

"You can handle this? When you're scared and in pain and alone? Can
you handle it then?" He watched her flinch beneath his words and hated
himself for it. But he knew her, knew she was stubborn enough to try
and tough it out on her own until she was too weak to fight his help.
He didn't want that. He didn't want to get there only to watch her die.
He wanted to spend every possible second with her until the end.

He crossed the room and stood behind her, afraid to touch her, as if she
might shatter like glass. He could see her shoulders trembling and knew
that if he saw her face he would see tears trickling down her cheeks.
"Let me help you" he whispered in her ear, "Let me come home with you."

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to leave you alone when I'm
gone," came her soft reply.

"If you walk out that door now you'll still be leaving me alone. I'd
rather be with you for every possible second no matter how bad it gets,
than be here alone. I love you. I never stopped loving you. Please.
Let me come home with you." His voice was desperate, all his fear and
longing and love for her apparent in his words.

Buffy turned to face him and his heart broke at the sight of the tears
in her eyes. "Ok" she replied. She swallowed once and looked into his
eyes, then leaned in and fit herself against his body. He wrapped his
arms around her as if he would never let go. "I'll be there for you.
We're in this together," he whispered into her hair.

Next Part to be added soon...

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