Laughter-The Best Medicine

BIG TROUBLE

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them.

Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIG trouble!"

The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIG trouble?"

His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it."

Miracles

A newly converted hippie was very interestedly reading the Bible while waiting for transportation and every now and then would exclaim, "Alleluia, Praise the Lord, Amen" and on and on as he read on.

A skeptic heard him and came and asked what he was reading. He answered" I am reading how God parted the red sea and let the Israelites go through--that is a miracle!" The skeptic explained "Do not believe everything the Bible tells you. The truth of the matter is that that body of water was only really 6 inches deep-- so it was not miracle." The hippie nodded in disappointment but kept on reading as the skeptic was walking away feeling proud that he had set the hippie straight.

All of a sudden the skeptic heard the hippie let out a big "Alleluia, Praise the Lord ". At this the skeptic came back to him and asked, "What is it this time?" The hippie said excitedly in one breath, "This one is a real miracle, God drowned the whole Egyptian army in 6 inches of water!!!"

I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Answers Given By Sunday School Children

* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
* Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.
* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
* The Jews had trouble throughout their history with the
unsympathetic Gentiles.
* Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
* Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.
* Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments.
* The seventh commandment is: Thou shalt not admit adultery.
* Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
* David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
* Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
* The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels.
* The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
* One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
* Salome danced in 7 veils in front of king Harrod's.
* Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
* A Christian should have only one wife. That is called monotony.

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

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