- August 3, 1998
213 lbs..... ARGGG!!!... Still the same weight....(sigh)... This is so frustrating! Sometimes i feel like i will never take off this weight, I did pretty good over the weekend, on Saturday we went to my Hubbies company picnic and i played volley ball there, that was fun, but being in Texas in the summer makes it almost unbearable to be outside for very long at a time, so i didn't play for that long, maybe an hour and a half.... allot of people there were swimming i wish i could of been on of them, but NO WAY was i going to put on a suit in front of all the people he works with, so i just played volley ball and said that i forgot my suit... i really hate living like this.... Well anyway, while we were there Brad and his friends said that we should go canoeing down the river on Sunday, so we did, it was supposed to be only a three hour trip, and it ended up being an all day thing, witch is ok, because good exercise!... but here again.. the dreaded bathing suit thing!!.. all of the other girls and guys had them on and there i was in a black pair of shorts, and a white tee-shirt... and when we would stop to jump in the water i swam in my shirt and shorts...(SIGH)... I felt pretty stupid, but the night before we went i tried talking myself into wearing one but i just couldn't do it.... i even tried mine on and YUCK! I really hate the feeling of being so depressed, and worrying so much over everything, i want it to stop!... I have decided to look at it in a different way, and just tell myself that it's ok, and that instead of being upset about not being able to wear a bathing suit...(or anything else sexy for that matter)... that i am going to look at it in a new light... i am going to look forward to when i can, instead of being mad i can't.... Over the weekend we also went to go and look at cars, we have two now but both of them have the air conditioning out, and they are really not that nice anyway.. so we are going to try and get a new one... our credit is not the best, but not the worst either, so wish us luck on getting a loan!...(crossing fingers) Well i am off to get some house work done now, maybe tomorrow there will be a weight change... bye for now... Oh and also thanks to everyone for all of the support so far!...*smiles*... It is so encouraging to read the mail, and read the guest book too... I am so glad i am doing this journal!!... later
- August 4, 1998
213 lbs...... Well the same again, this is getting old, fast!.. Maybe by Monday things will change, We are going out of town tomorrow to go and see my little sis, I am really excided to go and see her, so i won't be back till monday to journal so have a great weekend all! (also we didn't end up getting a car, they were asking way to much for cars that are not that great, we are just going to cruise the classify's for one instead) ... bye for now.. maybe next time i journal i will have a change in my weight... (crossing fingers!)
- August 12, 1998
215 lbs...... Well back from the trip, and as u can tell i didn't do so hot... But it was a fun trip anyway.. I really thing things are going to change now though, My son will be going back to school now and that means i will be back on a schedule again instead of being able to sleep late and waste the day away, usually i don't get up until after 10:00am during the summer, and i think that makes it harder to do things with my day. What i am going to start doing is volunteering at his school, and also find a jym that i can go to after i drop him off at school too. My friend Steph and i are also going to swim in the mornings on Tuesday's and Thursday's and Saturday's, We went yesterday morning and it felt great!! Especially how hot it has been here, On the days i can't swim with her i am going to find a pool i can go and swim at... My neighbor has one I think i am going to ask if i can swim there (the only thing is that they are an old couple and kinda private so we will see how that works out)Also i am going to start walking at night again with the kids, I know for sure that that is my problem, not exercising.... Because when i do the weight just seems to fall off, but for some reason it is just really hard for me to stay with it... But i have set my mind to it, and i am going to do it this time! I have to, for me! I just can't stand me the way i am right now this is just not me, i am going to get back to the way i was, strong, heathy, happy, and busy! Well I am off to clean and organize my house! (been needing to get this done) later........
- August 14, 1998
211 lbs.......YEA!!!... looks like i am finally breaking this plateau i have been on, I have been doing really good though too!!... I was so proud of my self the other night!.. i ate really good all day, and my husband always comes home late from work about 10:00 pm or later allot of times, and then i usually eat again with him or weight for him so we can have dinner together, and most of the time i don't eat very much threw the day at all...(this makes your body store all of the food when u starve yourself and then eat)well anyway i ate great all day and then made him some great homade chili, and when he got home to eat it, i ate 3 oranges instead!!!... amazing how something so small can make u feel so good.. :-> I haven't been exercising very much though, some but really not enough, i think tomorrow i will go and ask the neighbor about the pool... have to get my courage up first though... today i think i will do the kids rooms, (organize and clean) then read some, then after i pick up my son at school i will try and go for a walk later after dinner i think, (i am now eating dinner with the kids around 6:00pm, instead of hubby at 10:30 pm) I have been looking at all of the clothes in my closest too that i use to wear when i was thin, and laying them out on the bed and looking at them, this helps me remember what it is like to be thin, and what it is like wearing what i want instead of what i have to wear!... well off to make a pot of low fat veggie soup!...
- August 17, 1998
hmmmmmm..... i am not even going to say.... something is wrong.... my scale said i went up over 10 lbs and i know that is not possible.... i know i didn't do that great over the weekend, but i don't think it is possible to gain that much in just a day.... I will just wait and see what it says tomorrow... also my measurements are the same so i think i have a screwy scale or some thing..... I have set a goal for the end of the month, by September 1st i want to weigh 200 lbs! (or very closet to it anyway) I think if i can just get under the 200 lb mark i will feel a whole lot better! I haven't been in the 100's now for over 2 years! and i know that if i can achieve this goal that i will be well on my way to being thin again! *smiles* ..... laters...Beth
- August 20, 1998
213 lbs..... Up two lbs... well i know why that is, i haven't been doing so hot the last few days.... (By the way i scale was off..wphew!! didn't think it would be possible to gain that much over night! *laughing*) I am hoping to see a difference before the month is over, i would like to reach my goal of 200 by September 1st, but it doesn't look like i will... hmmmmm at this point i would be happy with 205.. I will get there i just have to put my mind to it and like Nike says... JUST DO IT!.. :-) I really think i am back on track now though, (hmmmm looking over my journal it seems i say that allot).. But one think i can tell also is that i am starting to feel better about my self already, This is definitely a long journey but one i am going to take all the way!.. later Beth...
- August 23, 1998
213 lbs..... Still the same.... Been busy lately trying to organize the house and been kinda down.... but i am sure things will start looking up soon.... later for now...
- August 28, 1998
213 lbs.... I have been looking more close to what i have been eating and trying to count the fat grams, and calories to see why i am staying at the same weight?.. And I think one of my problems is that i don't drink enough water, I am trying to increase it by at least 3 glasses a day... I know that may have something to do with it... also i think maybe i am eating to many calories too... I am going to try and increase water and cut down on the calories and increase on the fruit and veggies... hope this works! I would really like to see a change soon..... bye for now ....Beth
