Army Dress (Four men. One in a dress - General. The rest are in army fatigue.) GENERAL: Listen up men! We are on a four month mission! To defeat the enemy troops and kick some renegade ass! Do you understand?! MEN: Sir! Yes sir! GENERAL: Glad to hear it! Now, do any of you low life maggots have any questions?! PRIVATE: Permission to speak freely sir! GENERAL: Permission granted private! PRIVATE: Sir! Why are you wearing a dress sir?! GENERAL: Private! That is not any of your goddamn business! PRIVATE: Sir! (Salutes.) Thank you sir! GENERAL: Now...do any of you have any objections with me wearing this dress?! MEN: Sir, no sir! CORPORAL: Permission to speak freely sir! GENERAL: Permission granted, corporal! CORPORAL: Sir, why are you wearing a dress? GENERAL: Maybe you didnąt hear me the first time Corporal! That information is none of your business! CORPORAL: Sir! Yes, sir! GENERAL: How about you soldier? Do you have any questions about me wearing this dress? SOLDIER: (Nervous.) Sir, why are you wearing a dress sir!? GENERAL: That is it! All 3 of you report back to me in 0100 hours! Wearing dresses! Now do any of you have any questions?! MEN: Sir, no sir! (Caption) 0100 hours later. (All three men are now back on the field wearing dresses themselves.) GENERAL: Good job men! You follow orders well. MEN: Sir, thank you sir! PRIVATE: Permission to gripe sir! GENERAL: Permission granted private! PRIVATE: Sir! Permission to change sir! GENERAL: Change?! Permission to change denied private! PRIVATE: Sir! Why sir?! I feel like a two dollar hooker sir! GENERAL: You donąt need to change! You look pretty private! PRIVATE: Sir thank you sir! GENERAL: How about you corporal?! Do you enjoy your dress?! CORPORAL: Sir, yes sir! It allows my genitailia to breath sir! SOLDIER: Permission to speak freely sir! GENERAL: Permission granted soldier! SOLDIER: Sir, I wish to change my dress sir! GENERAL: You better give me a good reason soldier! SOLDIER: Sir, I clash sir! GENERAL: You better explain yourself soldier! SOLDIER: Sir, Iąm afraid my dress doesnąt match my combat boots sir! GENERAL: Permission to change granted soldier! SOLDIER: Sir, thank you sir! (Runs off.) (As camera moves away you see the corporal shoving dollar bills down the front of the private's dress. Who is dressed like a 2 dollar hooker. Fade out) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- © Copyright 1995 Generation Q. All rights reserved for someone better.