~*Jokez*~
These are some jokes, and lists that I have found, recieved and so forth.. I found some of them funny and I hope you enjoy some of them also :) If any of the jokes offend anyone reading them.. I apologize...as you can see there are only three differents list to read, I will continue to put up more jokes, if you have any, please email them to me :)
30 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of
your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely.
Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he
owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
20. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat glass.
23. Smoke ballpoint pens.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
26. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
29. Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
SIGNS YOU MAY BE A "HIGH-TECH" REDNECK
*If your computer has a sticker on it that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"
*If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone
*If your wife said either the computer goes or she goes and you still don't miss her.
*If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined
*If you refer to your computer as "Old Bessie"
*If your e-mails all start with "Howdy y'all"
*If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on.
*If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"
*If the bumper sticker on your truck says "my other computer is a laptop".
THIRTEEN THINGS DOGS DON'T UNDERSTAND
1.It's not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m.
2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.
3.He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.
4.The command "SHUT THE BLOODY F*%@ UP!" means just that
5. The cats have every right to be in the living room.
6. Crapping on the floor is not something deserving of a treat
7.Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid
8.No, we said SIT
9.I know its a nice leg, but don't ride it.
10. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk
11. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.
12. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once.
13.No, it's my food....Oh alright then, just a small piece.
Confucious Say... Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man who whiz in cash register come into money.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Baseball wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
Learn to masturbate -- come in handy.
Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
Virgin like balloon -- one prick, all gone.
~*Main Page*~
Email: ashlee_@rocketmail.com
