Mi favourite humourous quotes, guess what in this section I intend to put any
humourous quotes I find and enjoy.There aren't many here at the moment,as I
haven't been working on this page long, but it should get bigger, and hopefully better as time passes.
The Quotes
- "I fell asleep trying to wake you up."
Can't attribute that one either I'm afriad, it didn't come from my favourite photo album though. :)
- "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid"
Soren Aabye Kierkeyaard
- "A lie gets half way round the world, before the truth has a chance to get it's pants on"
Sir Winston Churchill
- "When you have to kill a man it cost's nothing to be polite."
Sir Winston Churchill
- "Reality is mearly an illusion, all be it a persistant one."
Albert Einstein
- "His ignorance is Encyclopedic"
Abba Eban
- "A docter can bury his mistakes, an architect can mearly advise his clients to plant vines."
Frank Lloyd Wright
- "Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
Lily Tomlin
- "The nice thing about machines is that they never get bored."
Al Baker
- "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning
Rich Cook
- "I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name""
Mike Binder
- "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen DeGeneris
- "Who says `Nothing is impossible' I have been doing nothing all life."
Rajiv Pant
- "Life is a lemon and I want my money back"
Meatloaf
- "My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on
- "Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed."
Ronald Reagan
- "They X-Rayed my head and found nothing."
Jerome "Dizzy" Dean
- "It makes no difference whether you win or lose until you lose."
Sorry, don't know where this came from.
- "If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame."
Sorry, don't know where this came from either.
- "Get the facts first. You can distort them later"
Nor this one, sorry.
- "Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
Or this one.
- "Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
Or this one.
- "There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
Or this one.
- "Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma."
Chris Jarocha-Ernst
- "This life is a test--had it been a real life it would have come with detalied instructions on how to proceed."
Don't know about this one, sorry.
- "Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't go wrong at once."
Or this one
- "Prejudice on the web is whether you know HTML format or not."
SailrMoonie
- "I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
Carol Leifer
- "Ooh...is there really an Emailers Anonymous? Cool...I can see it now...'Hi, I'm Andi, & I'm an e-mail addict. This is Audrey...she's an addict too.' Then we could get out of that stupid meeting really quickly & go check our e-mail! ;)"
Andrea Lipman
- "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
Joe Walsh
- "The world is a scary place, I prefer the little world inside my head. Also very scary but things seem better."
Errrrrrrrrr, Dunno sorry
- "I don't have a phobia of needles, I just hate the damn things, like some people hate spiders or airplanes or having electrodes attached to their scrotum!"
Jeff Goldblum as Dexter King, The Tall Guy
- "Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
Charles Schultz
- "Be always ecstatic. Be filled with a divine intoxication."
Henry Miller
- "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
Steven Wright
- "My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there."
Ron Richards
- "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high.'"
Bruce Baum
- "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it. "
Moses Hadas
- "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. "
Groucho Marx
- "With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"
Murray Walker
- "It's raining and the track is wet"
Murray Walker
- "and this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car"
Murray Walker
- "...the lead is now 6.9 seconds. In fact it's just under 7 seconds"
Murray Walker
- "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."
Murray Walker
- "Schumacher has made his final stop three times!"
Murray Walker
- "I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
From a Bumper Sticker
Submitted by Alexandra
If you think you have any other quotes I should out here then please E-mail me, also, if you know who said any of the unattributed quotes, I would be very grateful if
you could inform me so I can attribute them.
Back to the Quotes Index
Gimme 
Please!!!!
