i feel like crying, but im not going 2 because my mamas friend is here.but i cant help i , the tears r coming down by them selves. im talking 2 natasha, talking 2 her sort of comforst me. pepe is really not much help. i asked her 2 stop talking 2 stephen but she wouldnt. shes doesnt understan i dont want to chare my best friend with a jackass like thim.i can be very cold when i want 2. and i get used 2 changes very quickly. i have a phobia, its athazagoraphobia, its a fear of being ignored or forgotten. it pedend of course, if i dont give a damm about u dan i dont care if i ignore me , but it still hurts me. im a very jelouse person, i dont like 2 share ppl, and when i know some 1 and i sort of care about them its like i want 2 be there only friend, the only person the can ever go 2 for advise and the only person they can ever talk 2 , if they ever talk 2 me about any other so call friend they might have i get very jelous. m very greedy 2, and very persistent. i cry alot, im not sure why some times, i dont really have a reason but i just feel like it. right now its because pepe wont stop talking 2 stephen. and sometimes think of my childhood, i guess that were my phobia cames from. when my dad married my step- mother and he had kids with her it was like he didnt want me ands my brother anymore, and my gradma didnt like me. she never invited me to any of my cousins birthday party and it hurts, it didnt back them because i didnt know but know that im older i realize it and it hurts. my mom and dad always say im the spitting image of my grandma and i guess it true , i look like she did when she was my age. and be have similar personalities and m sort of ashame of it because i dont want 2 be like her. i hate alot of ppl. most of the once on my hate list i just hate becasue they go around being winie and luser without a life but there 4, angel eyes, stephen, dccnon, ramona.
angel eyes- shes the main reason why i left AN, she think shes ssssssooooooooooooo cute and shes so nice and sociable that it makes me sick, every knows her , and every one likes but she and i registrated at about the same time but im not popular am i? know one knew me or even care that i existed , did thet? No. i cant help that im so unsosiable can i? stupid ppl, ui hate every 1 on AN, for the exeption of afew of course.
dcnnon when that stupid girl angel eyes had 100 he made her a thread welcamign her 2 the 100 club or whatever is it they call it, but did anyone make 1 for me? No, and i had 100 post 2 days before that stupid angel eyes did. ramona i hate her, shes such a big mouth and she say lots of bad words and she talk bad about me in front of my and my mama. stephen- that jackass doesnt care about any1 but him self, and he was sort of really nice 2 me even though his a jackassand i gues i sort of liked him alittle or maybe alot, not sure which 1, but anyways i know he doesnt like me , he likes pepe and i guess that why it hurst, he likes her and not.
sometimes i feel so useless, unpretty and unwanted. im not sure why, but i cant help it.
i cry my self 2 sleep like 2 times a week.
i fell alittle better to get some of that off my back, though writting it isnt as good as talking about it 2 some 1 but this ill have 2 do for now.
