Trot Nixon still injured, puppy murders on the rise

Boston Red Sox right fielder Trot Nixon is still out with an injury. And the vicious murder of cute puppies is on the rise. Coincidence? Well, reader of Julio, if you know anything, you know that with Trot Nixon involved, NOTHING is a coincidence! Trot claims to have a back injury, but here at Julio, we know something much more sinister is involved!

It all started when the Red Sox were in Baltimore for the beginning of the season. Jorge Julio was making his daily rounds at the local animal shelter, healing the wounds of the puppies and making sure they were well cared for. It was then that Julio noticed something strange... His favorite retarded puppy, whom he affectionately called "Little DeJean" because it was unable to even lick itself right, was missing! Surely, no one had adopted the retarded puppy!

Asking around, Julio found out that it was adopted by some one out of town who was in the area on business... Some one calling himself Not Trixon! This set off many red flags for His Julioness, and he put us here at Jorge Julio is God on the case. We immediately split into teams. Joe and Jay were assigned to the "sit at home and eat bananna splits" team, while John was given the task of tracking down and discovering the true identity of this Not Trixon.

Above: The body of Little DeJean

After several days of searching, the trail of clues led John to the home of one Mr. Trot Nixon! Dun dun dunnnnnn! John used his high powered Ninja Turtles periscope to hide in the bushes and snoop around. However, he saw no sign of a retarded dog... Until he found a shocking, horrific sight... In Trot's living room, lying on the couch, was poor Little DeJean, not moving or breathing. He quickly snapped a photo (left) and did some more searching. Possibly the cute little retarded puppy had died of natural causes?

John held out this hope until he found more and more evidence to the contrary. He found baseball bats covered in puppy blood. A library book titled "How to Kill Puppies" that was three weeks past its due date. And perhaps the most damning evidence of all... Trot Nixon was involved. Trot Nixon had adopted Little DeJean for the express purpose of MURDERING HIM!

Above: Dead puppy skeleton

But it wasn't until John opened Trot's closet and found the skeleton of another poor dog did he finally realize the true scope of what he was dealing with. Trot Nixon was not a solitary, singular puppy killer. No, no... He was much more. He was a puppy MASS murderer! A puppy serial killer!

With this sobering knowledge in hand, John headed back to the Jorge Julio is God HQ (Joe's parents' basement) and set about disseminating his findings. The Julioites all agreed, this was quite a henious action, though none of them were surprised that Trot Nixon was behind it. All they needed to know was how wide spread the destruction was. Once again, they split into teams. Joe and Jay drew the "Play baseball videogames and change all Orioles players to Jorge Julio and then go 162-0" assignment while John was given the task of heading down to the ancestral home of Trot Nixon; Durham, North Carolina!

Above: The mass graves of dead puppies

When he arrived, John found nothing out of the ordinary... UNTIL HE LOOKED IN THE BACK YARD! There John saw the most horrifying sight yet... Something so terrible and so disturbing, that we are loathe to even mention it. The mere site of it can cause your eyes to bubble out of your head with sheer evil. A puppy MASS GRAVEYARD (pictured left)! After John finished emptying his lunch onto the ground from the sheer horror of this discover, he returned home once again. Not only was Trot Nixon killing puppies in Boston and Baltimore... But he had been doing it back since he was a kid in North Carolina as well! Trot Nixon is a monster of unparalleled cruelty.

Above: Artist's depiction of Trot's puppy murdering

After much discussion, we here at Jorge Julio is God have figured out one thing... Trot Nixon has a genocidal plan against cute puppies. He wants them totally eliminated from the world! He will not stop until every last cute puppy is gone! So, if you happen to see Trot Nixon walking into an animal shelter, run for help! Do not let Trot get away with these heinous acts! Only we can prevent puppy genocide!

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