Boston employs caveman!!

With the Orioles/Red Sox series raging, we at the Julio site thought it might be prudent to do a Red Sox story as we wait for Julio to make his first appearance and vanquish the team of Massholes.

Boston is regarded all around as a pretty solid team, but no one seems to be mentioning the most interesting story of them all! No, not Pedro's lack of velocity, no not Pedro's hissy fits, no not even Schilling's debut... we mean the caveman playing center field!

You can see the relation between Joh-nee Da-mon and his neanderthal cousins.

It's a strange phenomenon that no one is talking about it, even though he's out there on display for all to see. Like an extra from "The Passion of the Christ" is the man they call "Johnny Damon." But where did this Johnny Damon come from? Well, we have the story!

Frozen in suspended animation for years, a group of archeologists came across the frozen man. After bringing him back to their lab for study, he thawed out and was found to be alive!!

Damon after being unfrozen.

After thawing out and slipping into his new suit, the caveman who's name was revealed to be "Joh-nee Da-mon," did his best to adjust to our world. One of the scientists, Bruce Lerch, was a giant Red Sox fan, and decided the guy would make a decent Center Fielder. So now he's trying to do his best for the BoSox.

"I'm just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me," said Damon. "When I step to the plate and hear my name announced over the PA system, I wonder 'Is this booming voice some sort of god commanding me to bat?'"

So far 0 for the series, Damon is still doing a decent job for a caveman. When asked about his penchant for outfield collisions, he said: "Again, I'm just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me. When I see the Left Fielder charging for a ball that I'm going after I wonder 'Is this man challenging my dominance by encroaching on my territory?'"

And so this prehistoric man will continue to roam the outfield for the Red Sox. Also, fortunately for the Orioles, he will continue to ground out up the middle. Ooga booga.

This site is best viewed at 1024x768, so if it looks big to you: TOUGH SHIT!!