Battle of the Century! (Or at least until next time.)

This was it... the finals...

Tired from their long battle, the Polar Bear finally made his fatal mistake, leaving himself open for an opportunistic attack that the Rhino wouldn't miss. One gore later, and the referee declared Rhino was in the finals!

No rest for the mighty Rhino, as a low rumbling growl could be heard from behind him. Covered in Orca blood, and with bits of blubber still stuck in his paws, the Tiger began stalking its new prey, ready to call itself the champion.

Leaving the Polar Bear behind, Rhino turned to face his new opponent. He turned, snorted, pawed the dirt and charged!!

Using his catlike... well... cat reflexes, Tiger quickly hopped out of the path of the charging Rhino, and the battle was well and truly joined!

Running down Rhino and trying to snap his spine, Tiger leaped to his back, but found that Rhino made for more than a mouthful! Rhino, with Tiger's sharp teeth beginning to pierce his tough hide, began to thrash about, throwing Tiger to the ground. Rearing back, Rhino got ready to stomp on Tiger, crushing him beneath his massive weight...

But just in time, Tiger managed to shake off the cobwebs and roll away from Rhino's foot, which came crashing down leaving a mark in the battlefield! Rhino, ready to finish this quickly, again tried to gore the Tiger, fnishing him in much the same way as he did the Polar Bear. However it turned out to be too early for that, as Tiger batted away the horn with his large paw, following up with a swipe to Rhino's face! A one-two punch worthy of Muhammad Ali!

It's face badly slashed and it's vision impaired, Rhino began to thrash around wildly! Trying to take advantage, the tiger went for the throat... only to catch the Rhino's horn right in his leg!! The Tiger had misjudged the Rhino's wild thrashing, and he paid the price!

Backing away to regroup, the Tiger retreated to the rear of the Rhino, but Rhino would have none of it! With the satisfying feeling of having gored its opponent still fresh in its mind, the Rhino spun quickly to finish the bout.

Another charge! The Tiger again went to leap out of the way, but it was slowed from the injury to its wounded leg! Rhino made contact... not a direct hit, but enough to knock Tiger to the ground! Tiger tried his best to leap back into battle, but his body was bruised, his bones broken...

Rhino wasted no time... setting to make sure his vision didn't fail him, he then charged and struck the deathblow! Piercing the helpless Tiger with his horn! Rhino had won!!!!

...hadn't he?

No declaration from the referee? Rhino looked to see the referee distracted by Joe from the Julio site! What was this? Not to be denied, Rhino began walking towards the referee, ready to show him the body of his fallen opponent... when...

*WHACK!!!* RHINO GOT SMACKED WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!! As he unconsciously fell to the ground, he noticed the form of a man dropping something onto his chest... a man that the footage later confirmed to be... JORGE "GOD" JULIO!!!

The task completed, Joe let the referee go back about his business... but what he saw was something amazing... the Rhino was being pinned by... THE ORIOLE BIRD!!

With little choice but to count, the referee sealed the match, declaring the Oriole Bird the winner of Hypothetical Animal Fight Tournament II!!

Jorge Julio returned to the ring and raised the Oriole bird's wing in victory as the crowd booed mightily.

When reached for comment about the booing, Jorge was heard to say: "Hey, God works in mysterious ways, people. You don't always have to like it."

And so, with the miscarriage of justice over, the king of the animals is... The ORIOLE!

< Back to News

This site is best viewed at 1024x768, so if it looks big to you: TOUGH SHIT!!