Mood:
don't askI don’t I don’t have a clue what is wrong with me today. I just can’t seem to focus. I am trying to blame it on the cold weather. I was late for work this morning because I couldn’t pull myself out of bed. Then when I did I had problems performing my morning routine. Then I get to work and realize I forgot my wallet at the house. Normally it wouldn’t be a big deal but it has my CAC card in it which without that I can’t log onto my computer. I had also forgotten to pack lunch so I needed some cash to hit Subway at noon. Luckily for me, Lennie was also running behind this morning so I got him at the house right as he was headed out the door and he ran my purse out to the park. I told him that I seemed to be having issues today and he just laughed and said that he has had days like that as well. Oh what I wouldn’t give to be curled up in bed right now. Maybe I can sneak out and run to Starbucks for a peppermint mocha or maybe a chicken biscuit. Those always perk me up. We had a great New Year’s Eve. My friend Maria hosted a small party at her house which was nice not having to be in a crowded bar or standing out in the cold. When she first sent out the invitations she said that we would have heavy appetizers but when we got there she had roasted a turkey and baked some Mac and cheese. Yum! We then played a game of Scene It which was fun but I didn’t have my glasses on so I couldn’t read the question real well. We then played Phase 10 which was a riot and Maria had me laughing non stop. We then rang in the New Year and Lennie and I went home and crashed. We got up Thursday morning and proceeded to clean the house. I had gotten a call from my father and he asked if he and his new girlfriend Susan could come and meet Lennie and takes us out to lunch. I haven’t seen the man in over 10 years and have only spoken to him a handful of times so I was weary about the visit. He always criticizes me for something so that had me a bit on edge but having Lennie there as moral support really helped. They arrived about 11:30 and we chatted a bit and I showed them the house and then we headed downtown for lunch. Most places were closed but one of the Irish Pubs was open so we popped in there. When our food arrived Dad insisted we say grace. This totally caught Lennie and me off guard. My Dad, as far as I know, doesn’t go to church and isn’t really religious. Maybe he has found God in his old age? During lunch the conversation turned to Lennie and me looking at houses. See Lennie views the house we live in as MY house because I bought it and I pay the mortgage. He wants to buy a new house that will be OURS and one that we can raise a family in. I told Dad and Susan that we had found one is Wake Forest that we really liked but right now it was out of our price range. Dad then insisted that we go and take a look at it after lunch. This was a bit odd because I said more than once that even though it was perfect for us we just couldn’t afford it until Lennie sold his house and the seller dropped his asking price. But he said he just wanted to see it. So after lunch we headed out to the home site. As I was showing Susan the stone work on the steps, Dad insisted that I turn around so he could take a picture of me in front of the house. This was also a bit odd because well once again…it is highly unlikely, unless all the stars align, that we will be able to buy this house. But I posed for a picture anyway. From what they could see of the house they liked it as well. How could you not? It is gorgeous! They loved the development and the town of Wake Forest and said it would be great if we could afford it and Susan wished us luck. After checking out a couple of the other homes, it was time for then to get back on the road. Dad handed me a check for $100 (belated Christmas present) and they said their goodbyes and left. All in all the visit was not as bad as I was expecting. Susan is very personable and talkative which helps out a lot when Dad goes into his quiet moments. He never once said anything critical and even said at one point that he was proud of what I had done with my life. I have a good job, own my own home, and have married a great guy. I don’t know if this will end up being the relationship that he hopes it will be but Lennie said that it was good to see that there might be a possibility of making a mends. He just doesn’t want me to get hurt again. I know the rest of my family probably doesn’t understand why I agreed to meet with my father. They have, for the most part, written him off. But I met a woman not so long ago who had had a falling out with her father and hadn’t spoken to him in over 20 years. She had gotten a call from a friend of the family who informed her that her father was dying of cancer. She thought it over for a few days and decided that she should make peace with him before he goes. She flew to his beside but it was too late. He had passed the evening before. She said that my father may not be perfect and it was true that he had made some horrible mistakes but he was the only father I would ever have. She said like it or not, he had made me the person I am today. All the anger I was carrying around for the man only served to poison my life. I was happy to let go of some of the anger yesterday. I am still waiting for it all to come crashing down but I will just enjoy it for now. I hope everyone had a great New Years and I hope that 2009 will be the beginning of some great things. I don’t
