Biography?

So you came here looking for my life story? Well here it is in black and white, LITERALLY!!!!!! Well sorry it is a NEVER ENDING DRAMA. Why would you want to know anything about me anyway? You probably know it all anyway, but in a nutshell...I am Tim. I am 19 almost 20 (ugh pointless age... too old to be a teenager and too young to be an adult). I play at the park as you can see. I like robots. I like to listen to the rock music real loud. I like to rock n roll and dance. Limeade taste good. I attend the UNIVERSITY of MARYLAND BALTIMORE COUNTY. Yes you heard right, that is a HONORS UNIVERSITY IN MARYLAND. They say that so you ninnies don't get CONFUSED and THINK that it is some run of the mill community college. People think I am gay. I am not gay. I give soft kisses. I give hard punches. I will break your face. I will make you smile. I come from a bad neighborhood known as Linthicum Heights. I am known for my photo technician skills at CVS SLASH Pharmacy and the the bribery for reprints that ensues. I will smash a bottle over your head while you sleep if you tick me off. I will give you the world or die trying if you are good to me. I am studying BIOLOGY because it is the study of LIFE, which I learned in 9th grade. I hate it when old folks say "in school I studied Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic"... DAMN YOU IT'S NOT CALLED ARITHMETIC IT'S CALLED MATH ARGHGHGH. I like thrift stores. I hate you one minute and then love you the next. I am thrilled one second and depressed the next. Some people hate me for no apparent reason. I think this is hilarious. I don't like people who try to psycho-analyze me like they are FREUD or some shit. I like treating people with positive regard. I like being treated with positive regard. Yes I do know what positive regard means. I drink FIVE ALIVE. I have to pee. I went pee and now I don't have to pee anymore. I fear the elderly. I know magic. I've been told I have pretty eyes. I've been told my eyes are the color of poop. I have been told I have green eyes. I'm not sure what color my eyes are but if you peer into them can you see my soul? Does it make your heart beat faster? Your breathing slower? Does it just make you want to throw up? I am Canadian. I am quiet but loud on occasion. Goth girls have a power over me that I will never understand. I love Canada. I love Canadian girls. My pH is 7.2. I like girls in underwear. I write poems. You'll never see them. I have good teeth. I like good teeth. I like to brush my teeth. I play tennis. No not the video tennis that you kids have these days called PONG. I hate MTV. I hate the radio. I am forever in search of 1988. I like to drive 88 miles per hour. Where I want to take you we don't need roads. The bones of Chester Copperpot use to scare me. I am light but at the same time I think I'm fat. I am a cuddle machine. I long for your touch. I want to watch you scream in your sleep. I like to down 40 ouncez and pour one out for my homies that can't be here today. I miss the summertime going into 8th grade. I am honest. I try to be as sweet as I can but sometimes I only make myself sour. I never get the girl. Is that emo enough? I always feel alone. I've fell in love. I've never been loved. It feels so right. It hurts to be right. Mistakes can feel right. People say I do this for attention. It seems that way, but do you believe them? ET is a brilliant film. Watching thunderstorms on my porch is fun. The closeness we had is forever burning in my head. I'm trying to figure out what you are all about these days. I like waking up next to someone warm. I'll pick flowers for you out of my mother's garden. She will get angry at me for doing this. 9-11 is the day The United States of America poked God in the face and he got his revenge. Everyone knows the Jews crucified Jesus. I've been telling myself these jokes for so long. Between you and me. Thrifting with newcomer, hours upon hours in BOOSH basement, bogo developments, slurpee runs, svehla modes, wrath events, jamming with the gigglin tickles, driving around for hours, random road trips in the middle of the night, cuddling for fun, midnight rendezvous, BFF fo sho best friends and cousins, Kermit the frog, I felt a spark, you felt one too? I didn't think this was real, this feeling you read about in books, simpsons watching, it's raining raining, missing the family that is gone forever, always falling in love with you.

Q & A

Ask me a question, and the answer will be posted. (Try to keep it about me hehehe) When precisely will the world end?
Days until the end, or when BOGO makes his special MARMALADE, he may have to find special SEEDS IN THE FOLIAGE. Sounds like a delicious drink to me.

I recently had a collapsed lung, and my friend had a cyst in his lower back ... do you worry about health issues?
I suppose I worry about health issues. I don't know what kind of sprouts you two are eating to have all these strange growths and abnormalities happen.

Why is my named CAPITALIZZZED? -MANDA
Because that is how it is pronounced, with capital letters MANDA, I don't know how else you could say it.

Why don't you answer your questions in a timely fashion?
I think a few minutes is enough time...geesh. Oh wait I DON'T ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS MANDA BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT, JUST ANOTHER TOAD OUT OF MILLIONS!!!!

If you were a chicken, why would YOU cross the road?
Because the people on that side of the road call me a stupid ***COCK***. Maybe on the other side of the road I could find a nice fruit stand or Vegans so I won't get eaten.

why does everyone DRINK SO MUCH PEE?
They drink a lot of pee to build up healthy urea SALTS and MINERALS. This way BOGO won't RUN AMOK and tear them to pieces, kind of like how garlic repels vampires.

How tall are you?
5'8ish?

Don't you think it would be cooler to list the newst questions on the top?
No, this is not CHRISTIEMADE.COM. I do not do things that way HERE. I put the newest ones on the bottom so you have to scroll down to the bottom to read them. My plan is that hopefully the older questions will be reviewed and YOU NINNIES won't ask me the same questions again.

If you could date three different girls of your choice who would you pick and why?
hmm, I will get to this one later. Right now I am going to spurt out Kiran Chetry, Natalie Portman, and Barbara Walters in that order.

who is your daddy?
HANK Bernheimer, of course.

how many times do you have to have your heart broken until you find the one? Well that's a lot because there ISN'T "the one", I have found out through my experience that "the one" does not exist...the question should be "how many times do you have to have your heart broken until you realize NO ONE will love you and THE ONE does not exist, except in fairy tales"