Addiction

Nick lie awake in his bed. Kara rolled over and rested her head on his chest, unknowingly in her sleep. He played with her wavy blonde hair while thinking of Thai lying in that hospital room all alone. Thai who had so many problems. Thai who had to dance for money. Thai who was living with a man who wouldn’t let her breathe without his permission. Thai who became suicidal.

He had to see her. He felt like he would go crazy if he couldn’t see her again. He felt like if he didn’t jump right up and go to her he would explode. But then he saw Kara’s sweet sleeping face.

“I cannot keep doing this. I can’t keep running to Thai when I have love and security right here.” Nick thought to himself, trying his very best to be convincing. Not ten seconds had passed before he slipped from under his girlfriend and got dressed.

“AJ called and he needs me up there ASAP, I’m sorry I didn’t wake you to say goodbye, but you were sleeping so well that I couldn’t make myself to it. I’ll call once I get to his house, and I should be back tomorrow night or Wednesday morning. Love you, Nick” is what he scribbled out on a piece of paper to Kara. He left it on his pillow and kissed her on the forehead.

After almost an hour of driving, Nick reached the hospital. He started toward the elevator but the nurse at the desk stopped him.

“Excuse me sir, where are you going?” He stopped, very much annoyed.

“I need to see my sister. Thai Donovan.” He turned away and kept walking. The nurse called after him. But Nick would not stop again. He opened the door to Thai’s room to find it empty, bed made. He looked in the bathroom, thinking she was maybe there. But there was no one.

“She’s gone, sir. She was released a day early. Something about a flight she just couldn’t miss. Didn’t you know?” Nick felt like he was going to fall to the floor in tears.

“Yeah, I knew.” He said. Turning and leaving the room.

He sat in his truck silently. The sun was rising, but the air was still a little brisk. He felt anger. Anger because he lost her once again. He couldn’t just go to Denver looking for her. It was hard enough finding her in Florida. But he couldn’t bring himself to just sit and do nothing. He felt sadness. Sadness because he couldn’t think of anyone or anything but Thai, and it was wrong to put Kara aside in such a way. He felt guilt. Guilt because instead of wanting to be by Kara’s side, he wanted to be with Thai. And at that very moment, he would give his life to kiss her but once more.

Overall he felt confusion. He was torn between two women. He closed his eyes and pictured himself with Thai. Silent images flashed through his mind. First of the two holding each other and kissing. Then one of her smile. One of him on bended knee, proposing marriage to her. Another of them kissing in front of an alter. Then there was an image of himself standing beside her while her stomach grew before his very eyes. The following image of several beautiful children, laughing and running in circles around them. The very last image was of the two of them, aged and holding hands. Staring into each other’s eyes. Nick shook his head and opened his eyes to get the images out of his mind.

He tried to picture Kara in all of those situations, but Thai’s face and form remained. He turned the key in the ignition and drove away. He drove up and down the streets. Thinking about what he should do. He didn’t want anyone angry with him. He didn’t want to hurt Kara. But he knew that staying with her would be lying to himself.

He drove around this way for the rest of the day. Filling the tank with gas at least twice before deciding on going home. The sun had long since set, but his house was dark. Not one light on. He figured that maybe Kara went out shopping. He turned the key and entered the house. He could hear the dogs barking in the basement, so he opened the door and let them greet him, which is all they really wanted to do.

He went into the living room and kicked off his shoes, tossing his keys on the coffee table. He failed to notice Kara sitting in the dark on the sofa.

“Welcome home, sweetheart.” She said coldly.

“Oh shit! I didn’t see you there. Why are all of the lights out?” He sat down in his chair and rubbed his forehead, extremely tired from driving.

“I got your note. I was worried. I thought maybe AJ was in trouble or something. I called his house. He told me you weren’t there. He told me he never called you. I hate being lied to. Where did you go early this morning that was so important that you had to make up this sorry ass excuse?” Nick was in no mood to make up another lie, so he told the truth. Well, some of it anyway.

“I had to go see a friend. She was having some domestic issues with her boyfriend and it got to the point where she wanted to kill herself. She was in the hospital and I went to see her.” Nick confessed.

“And you couldn’t tell me this because?” Kara continued.

“Because she was an old girlfriend of mine. She was very special to me, and I didn’t want you upset.” Kara wasn’t buying it.

“Oh. So, you obviously thought I’d be jealous of her. Which is wrong. Normally I would have no problem with you going to help an old girlfriend. But the fact that you lied about it worries me. And it makes me feel like she means more to you than what you’d like me to believe.” Kara started to walk away.

“Oh great. This is just fucking great! If it had been Manda lying up in the hospital, you’d never let me see her.” Kara stopped in her tracks and turned around in one swift jerk.

“That is not true. If she was sick, I would encourage you to see her. It would be the decent thing to do, Nick!” He knew she was right. It was just that he had been feeling so awful about Thai, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to argue respectfully.

“Whatever Kara, I don’t need this right now.” he sat back down in his chair. Instead of going upstairs to the bedroom to cool off, Kara grabbed her purse from the table and left the house, slamming the door behind her. The impact the door made frightened Nick’s pugs and they all hushed. The house was silent again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thai waited in the airport for her friend. Jade saw Thai from behind, recognizing her tall frame and long brown hair. She ran to her old friend and hugged her. Thai, startled, spun around and found it to be Jade.

“Oh my God! Jade!” The hugged tightly and then pulled away to size each other up. Jade had gained weight, but it suited her. She had been very skinny during her high school days.

“You look great, girl!” Thai said, complimenting Jade’s new and improved figure.

“Thanks, you look even better! And it’s so good to see you again.” The hugged again briefly. Then they gathered up all of Thai’s luggage.

The minute Thai set foot on the outside of the airport, she felt like she was going to freeze. Jade noticed her shivering and laughed.

“I forgot, you’ve been in the Florida sun too damn long. Come on girl!” She pulled Thai along to the car. Once inside, Thai cranked the heat up to the maximum. Jade smiled and pulled off.

“You’re gonna love Sean.” Jade said.

“Your boyfriend, right?” Thai asked, not really remembering that Jade said her boyfriend’s name was.

“Yeah. He’s great. He’s gonna throw a party for you. Ain’t that something? He doesn’t even know you, and he’s throwing a party. He’s invited all of our friends... you know, so you’ll meet everyone and feel at home.” Jade turned a corner and slid a little on some ice. Thai felt a little uneasy, never having felt a car slide on ice.

“That’s nice of him. I’m looking forward to it.”

By the time they got to Jade’s house, it was already dark. They had been out shopping for some winter clothes for Thai. Not that she was dressed properly, she wasn’t as cold. Still, the altitude bothered her.

Jade opened the front door and there were people sitting around everywhere. At first, Thai didn’t really stop to look at everyone. She just saw the mass of people in general. But she actually looked at each one of them, they were all getting high. One group of people sat around, sharing a blunt. Another girl was sniffing some kind of powder Thai couldn’t recognize. She tapped the powder onto her finger, then snorted it up quickly, wiping her nose after. Jade took a pill from someone standing near them and swallowed it down with some beer.

“Welcome home.” She said to Thai, handing her one of the same pills she had just taken.

“No, no thanks.” Thai said, turning away.

“Oh come on, the party doesn’t start until you get stoned.” Thai didn’t want to feel left out. She took the pill and swallowed it with Jade’s beer. A tall guy with a pierced eyebrow and several tattoos came up to jade and kissed her sloppily on the lips.

“Thai, this is the love of my life, Sean. Sean, this os Thai.” Thai put her hand out to shake his, but he kissed her just the way he had kissed Jade. It caught Thai off guard and she didn’t know hot to react.

“Lovely...” He complimented her looks in his British accent. “Here....” He gave her the blunt he hadn’t finished. Then he hit her on the butt and walked away with Jade. She looked at the other people, sitting around and smoking. They looked ok, so why not? She inhaled, then coughed a little. She had never smoked in her life, and now she was starting with this. She inhaled again and held it.

“This isn’t so bad.” She thought to herself. Sean came back up to her and pulled her farther into the room.

“Dance with me. Jade is too lazy to.” She passed the blunt onto someone else and put her arms around Sean. He pressed himself close to her, and she was wondering whether dancing this way with him would upset Jade. But surprisingly, Jade joined them.

It wasn’t long before Thai felt lightheaded. She looked around and everything seemed blurry. All of the lava lamps and black lights in the room shone brighter. She was enjoying this. Her first day in Denver, and already she was as high as a kite.

“Sean, take her upstairs. She’s a virgin to this stuff. She won’t be standing much longer.” Jade said. He complied and helped her up to their room. As soon as she saw the bed, she fell onto it. Sean hovered over her, slapping her cheek a little to make sure she was still thinking straight.

“Jade’s right. You’ve never done anything before. Those pills might have been a little too strong for you. We’ll just have to keep you awake.” She climbed into the bed with her and unzipped her pants.

“What are you doing?” Thai asked, not strong enough to push his hands away.

“Keeping you awake. Don’t worry.” She felt him lie on top of her. She felt his tongue on her neck. Was this really happening? What had she gotten herself into? She knew he was right, if he didn’t keep her up, she’s probably pass out. But did he have to do it this way?

The pills were making her feel frisky. She couldn’t resist touching him back. Kissing him back. It was as though her body was deliberately disobeying her mind. She could feel the loud music downstairs vibrating through the floor.

“Hey, don’t pass out on me.” He said to her, shaking her a little. She looked up at him. He smiled when they made eye contact, it meant she was still hanging in there. She felt the skin of his legs against the skin of her legs. It was then she wondered how long he would have to do this before the pills wore off. She kept on thinking, and she realized all he really had to do was talk to her and smack her awake when she dozed off. He was just taking advantage of the situation. Still, her body enjoyed his method. So she didn’t complain.

The next thing Thai knew, Jade was standing above her. She was holding a cup of coffee. Thai sat up in the bed, but her head started to ache the minute her body was upright.

“Oh God!” She whined. Jade sat next to her, giving her the cup of coffee. Thai looked around and saw Sean lying on the bed, his black jeans barely on his waist.

“Jade! I am so sorry! I wasn’t thinking straight last night!” Thai suddenly remembered having sex with Sean the night before and how he was “keeping her awake”. Jade shrugged.

“It’s ok. He said you hardly knew he was there.” Thai felt puzzled. Jade knew, and she wasn’t mad?

“So, you’re ok with it?” Jade smiled at Thai’s question.

“Of course. Sean and I love each other. Our hearts belong to each other. But if he wants to fulfill his sexual needs with other people, that’s perfectly fine. I do it too sometimes. I have no problem with it.” Jade patted Thai on the back and left the room. Thai couldn’t believe what she just heard. She had just moved in with a couple who loved getting high and happened to be swingers.

She looked at Sean again. Is this what she was going to have to live with until she got back on her feet? She thought about leaving right then, but she had no where else to go. Jade certainly wasn’t going to pay her way back to Florida, or to California were Flora was. She was stuck in this place for the time being. She felt a hand touch her back, it was Sean. Next she felt his kisses on the back of her neck.

“Care to have another go at it, love?” His hands worked their way to her front and up her shirt, to her breasts.

“You got something?” She asked.

“I got plenty of condoms, relax.” He assured her, continuing to feel her.

“No, something else.” She hinted. Sean got the hint. He reached into the drawer on his side of the bed. He tapped out a line of white powder onto his finger like the girl had done before. He put his finger in front of her nose and she snorted it up quickly. It burned, then there was the drip.

“It’s mild.” He said, returning his hands to her skin. She let him take her shirt off and kiss her all over. The addiction had begun.

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