Episode Seven: It is evening at the Down by the Bay restaurant. The sun won’t set for another few hours, but you can see that the moon has already come out, waiting for her celestial brother to go away and sleep. (Ah, tré poetic, no?) Anyway, the camera zooms in on the front door where we see Eliza entering the restaurant. She is looking drop-dead gorgeous in a lavender satin dress, cropped to just above the knee. Her hair is wrapped up in a French twist, with tendrils curling around her ears and cheeks. She is carrying a dark purple shawl, just in case it gets cold later on in the evening. Eliza walks up to the hostess and clears her throat. The hostess skims her reservation book, then looks up and smiles. Hostess: “Ah, yes. Mr. Cherokee is waiting for you at the bar. Let me go get him, and then I’ll take you to your table.” The hostess walks off to the right, in the direction of the bar, which is noisy with inebriated baseball fans arguing over the latest controversial play. Eliza waits patiently, arms slightly crossed, and scans the dining area for a familiar face. She spies Jonathan King at his usual booth in the back with an attractive young woman, and realizes that she recognizes one of the waitresses, but can’t put a name to the girl’s face. She notices several of her clients, eating dinner with their wives or in a group of couples and smiles. She knows how embarrassed they would be if she walked up, hugged them, and began a conversation with them in front of the people they knew. Eliza wasn’t stupid; she knew the reputation that Lizzie’s massage parlour had in Dominica. Dirk: “My God, you look heavenly tonight, Eliza.” Just then, the young woman Eliza recognized early walks up to their table and introduces herself. Cathleen: “Hi, I’m Cathleen, and I’ll be your waitress tonight. Would you like to order something to drink, then hear about our specials for the evening?” Cathleen smiles politely then walks off towards the bar to get the couple’s drinks. Left alone, Dirk and Eliza study the menu, debating on whether or not they should get an appetizer and a salad. Dirk: “I still think that a skinny little thing like you can’t handle an appetizer and a salad and a dinner without getting sick or taking something home in a doggy bag.” They both returned to their menus, reading out loud which meal they were thinking of ordering. By the time Cathleen returns with their drinks, a simple first-date dinner has turned into a five-course meal (appetizer, soup, salad, main course, and dessert). Dirk pulls out his wallet and flashes Cathleen its contents—several one-hundred dollar bills. Her eyes nearly pop out of their sockets with shock. She gulps, feebly attempting to regain her composure. Cathleen: “Yes, s-sir. I’ll make s-sure that you and your, um, date have enough time to finish your respective courses. Your appetizers will be done shortly.” Cathleen runs off to the kitchens to tell the cooks and wait-staff about the insane couple sitting in her section. She blows past Jaime, nearly knocking him into Jonathan King. Jon gets the boy balanced again and flashes him an understanding smile. Jonathan: “Watch out, Jaime. It looks like Cat is on the rampage again.” Jonathan opens up his white Ralph Lauren purse and takes out a twenty dollar bill. He hands it to Jaime, who blushes and tries to decline the offer. Jonathan insists, and Jaime eventually takes the money and puts it into his apron pocket. Jaime: “Thanks, Mr. King. You and Ms. Cardin have a nice time tonight.” Jaime walks off and Jonathan redirects his full attention to his date for the evening, Ms. Andrea Cardin, Mrs. Cardin’s niece. Jonathan: “These pieces of junk? Oh, you’re sweet to ask, Andrea. Actually, the pearls were my mother’s. She didn’t have any daughters or granddaughters, so she left them to me when she passed on a few years ago.” Jonathan takes a very manly-looking wallet out of his purse and flips open to a picture of three adorable, identical toddlers. He hands the wallet to Andrea, who makes appropriate noises in appreciation of the girls’ cuteness. She hands the wallet back to Jonathan, then takes out one of her own. Andrea: “I’ve got rug-rat nieces and nephews of my own.” She shows the pictures to Jonathan, who has basically the same response to Andrea’s relatives that she had to his. Their server arrives with their soups, so the wallets go away and their dinner begins. Thus ends the first season of my soap opera. True, it’s not a cliff-hanger, and not much happened, but hey, I’m just getting over a bout of writers’ block, so cut me some slack. If you want to read more episodes of this delightful horrible tale, email me please and let me know that you appreciate my work. Don’t be lazy…if I don’t get enough support, I’m axing it. It’s too much work to come up with this stuff, so I’ll only continue to do it if I’m sure that someone out there really cares. Until next time…
Eliza: “Um, yes. I’m supposed to meet a friend here…”
Hostess: “Name?”
Eliza: “His name is Dirk Cherokee.”
Eliza: “Thank you.”
In the middle of her reverie, the hostess returns with Dirk in tow. She grabs a couple of menus, and motions for Eliza and Dirk to follow her. They pass a few of Eliza’s clients, and the men turn away and talk a little louder than before. Eliza ignores them as well, holding her head up high. They stop at a table in the middle of the room—in plain view of all the patrons—and the waitress places the menus on the table, all the while explaining that their waitress will arrive shortly. Eliza goes to sit down, but Dirk sneaks up behind her and pulls her chair out for her. She is plainly surprised by his chivalry, but tries to hide it. She sits down, and he smoothly pushes her chair in. Then Dirk walks to the other side of the table and takes his own seat. He smiles at Eliza and skims the drink menu before closing it decisively.
Eliza: (blushing) “Thank you. You look very nice too.”
There is an awkward pause for a minute or two.
Eliza: “So, what are you going to get to drink?”
Dirk: “A Long Island iced tea to start, then I’ll probably just get a soda when the food comes. I’m pretty simple; nothing fancy. How about you?”
Eliza: “Oh, I’ll probably just get a peach Schnapps. After that, I’ll just get an iced tea…minus the Long Island.”
Dirk: (snickering) “So have you ever been to Long Island?”
Eliza: “No, and I’ve only been to New York once, but it was upstate New York. Plus, I was only five years old and visiting relatives, so it doesn’t even count.”
Dirk: “It counts!”
Eliza: “It doesn’t count unless you can remember it, and I can’t even recall a single detail of the trip.”
Dirk: “Okay, then I guess it doesn’t count. Maybe I’ll get to take you to The City sometime. We could see a show, check out some Shakespeare in Central Park…”
Eliza: (laughing) “God, our first date and already you’re planning the future.”
Dirk: (grinning) “Hey, it was just a suggestion. Don’t get freaked out.”
Dirk: “Sure, Cathleen. Sounds good. I’ll have a Long Island iced tea…”
Eliza: “And I’ll have a peach Schnapps.”
Cathleen: “Okay. The specials for tonight are fish imperial in a tart lemon sauce, and broiled lobster with unlimited salad bar. We also have squid a la King, but we ran out of the Chesapeake blue crabs earlier this evening. Do you need a few minutes to glance over the menu?”
Dirk: “Yes, please.”
Cathleen: “Okay. I’ll have your drinks in just a minute.”
Eliza: “I’m only skinny because I exercise every day. I come from a huge family; if you didn’t eat, they’d all bother you, thinking that something was wrong. I can handle a three-course meal, and I would even bet money that I can out-eat you!”
Dirk: (with a gleam in his eye) “You’re on. How much do you want to wager?”
Eliza: (returning Dirk’s gaze) “Whoever doesn’t eat everything on his or her plate has to pay for dinner.”
Dirk: “Well, I hope you brought your credit card, Hon, because I’m gonna order the biggest, most expensive meal on the menu!”
Eliza: “Right back at you, Dirk. This is going to be the best meal of my life.”
Cathleen: “So are you two ready to order?”
Dirk: “Yes. For starters, I’ll have the party-sized order of Buffalo wings, extra spicy. Then I’ll have the clam chowder and the chef’s salad—with Ranch dressing, please. For the main dish, I’ll have the broiled lobster claws.”
Cathleen: (sarcastically) “Do you want to order dessert while you’re at it?”
Dirk: (ignoring her attitude) “No, thank you. I’ll wait until the end of my meal.”
Cathleen: “And you, miss?”
Eliza: “To start, I’ll have the combo appetizer…” Glancing at Dirk confidently. “That’s the potato skins, mozzarella sticks, and the Buffalo wings. Next, I, too will have the clam chowder, but I will have the chicken Caesar salad instead, hold the anchovies. For my main meal, I will have the surf and turf—fried shrimp and please make the steak well-done. And I guess that I’ll wait until my date decides what he wants to have for dessert before ordering.”
Dirk: “Actually, can I change my order so that I can get the broiled lobster with the unlimited salad bar?”
Eliza: “That’s not fair! You can’t fill up on salad!” To Cathleen “Can I get the unlimited salad bar without ordering the lobster?”
Cathleen: “Um, yes, but you’ll have to pay more…”
Eliza: (interrupting) “Fine. I won’t be paying anyway.”
Dirk: “I wouldn’t be so confident about that, Eliza.”
Cathleen: “Um, am I missing something?”
Dirk: “No, we just have a little bet going on. Can you make sure that our courses are served with enough time in between each serving to actually finish the meal? You know, give us enough time to finish? I promise that we’ll make it worth your while…”
Jaime: (staring icily towards where Cathleen used to be) “That’s the third time she’s screwed me up today. I swear, if the boss docks my pay, I’m quitting. I’d rather slop fish guts at the docks than work here with that…that…that psycho!”
Jonathan: “Hey, calm down, son. You only have another hour or so until you get off, right?”
Jaime: “Yeah…”
Jonathan: “Then just get through the rest of the night without killing her and then go, get yourself cleaned up, and hang out with your friends. Go to the movies; pick up some chicks; have a good time. Here, on me.”
Jonathan: “Sure thing, Jaime. You have a nice night too.”
Jonathan has gone all-out for the occasion. He has kept his goatee, but has recently shaved around its edges. He has a silver hoop earring in each ear, and is wearing his trademark pink pearls. His dress is a long, coral velvet evening gown, a little too fancy for the restaurant, but not for the charity ball that he and Andrea will be attending later during the night. He is wearing his special-ordered coral high heels. His date is wearing a short, black satin dress with black one-inch heels. She is wearing diamond dangle earrings and a gold heart locket. She apparently has no problem being seen in public with a man wearing women’s clothing, and even asks him where he got his jewelry.
Andrea: (sympathetically) “Oh, I’m sorry.”
Jonathan: “It’s okay, sweetie. It was her time to go. If she had waited another year, she would have gotten three granddaughters. My nieces—triplets.”
The restaurant is bustling with activity as large and small groups of people flow in, looking for good food and good times. A ship’s horn blows somewhere in the distance, but it is barely audible over the sound of the live swing band playing in the dance room next to the bar. Couples of all ages dance their own versions of the tango, while the onlookers get drunk and laugh.
