Star Touched
Of all the stars in the sky
The one I want the most
Is the one I can’t have
Forever out of reach
Sitting in the dark night sky
First to rise
Last to set
It twinkles whenever I look up
And brings tears to my eyes
I can never have it
No matter how hard I try
Or how much I wish
Every time I try
To climb into the night sky
I am cast down
Slammed into
The cold hard uncaring earth
Every dream shattered
Into a million fragments
That are scattered across the wind
I look at the star
And start to cry
I’m buffeted by winds
And shoved by waves
And crushed by the world
As I stare into the night sky
The tears streaming down
I realize
That I don’t belong here
Not this world
Not this time
Not this life
I need to reach that other place
The one I cannot touch
Every time I try
I'm thwarted at every move
Every glance I make
Every word I speak
Every thought I think
Is analyzed
Processed
And smashed to pieces
I reach out
And am pushed back
I look up
And am thrown down
I go in
And am cast out
I try my best
But that doesn’t work
I can’t reach the star
The only star I want
I reach and reach and reach
Only to fall each time
I am burned by my own heart
Scolded by my own tongue
Beaten by my own hands
And cast out of my mind
A downward spiral
Is all I have left
But I can’t
Not yet
I have to give it one more try
Just once more
Then I’ll accept defeat
I climb
I reach
I look
I think
And I wish
Slowly, so ever slowly
Time freezes
The world stands still
As I reach
Through an eternal halt in the world
At last I'm in the sky
I’m above the clouds
And by the moon
The star--
It’s so close
I reach to touch--
NO!
I draw my hand back
And break down
Tears streaming down my face
I back up
This star is not for me
I’m not good enough to touch--
Or even think
Who was I to think
That I could ever have this star
It’s so much brighter
And better than I’ll ever be
I can’t touch this
I step back
And fall
Time speeds up
The world flashes
All the taunts
And teases
And gibes
All the angry and hurtful words
They’re all true
So very true
Every last one
I don’t deserve that star
I am nothing
Who am I to reach for that
I am no one
I don’t matter
I don’t exist
I’m thrown back in time
But I don’t stop
I’m falling
Forever into this blackness
They call my mind
Never to emerge
All because
I dared to reach
For a star I cannot have
For I still want it
So I will be
Forever damned
To this terrifying void
Into which I'm falling
And will never stop
This downward spiral
Forever, forever
Ever, ever
These words mock me
I wish...
I dream...
I think...
Those hurt me
I don’t want to hear
Make it stop
But it will never stop
Down I go
Cast out of the world
And the star still twinkles
Merrily amused at my plight.
And I cry out
Only to be silenced.
~*rah*~