JuStY - ThE bLoNdE hAiReD PiMpJustin and Lance were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of Justins Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. Lance, with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch his breath, and Justin said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!!!" Justin walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. He looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Jc walks up behind him and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and asking if someone else could have a go. Justin spins around and shouts in his face: "Can't you see I'm winning!!!!" Q:What do you call Justin with a high IQ? A golden retriever. Q:Why did Lance scale the chain-link fence? A:To see what was on the other side. Q: What do you call it when Justin dies his hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: How do you make Lance's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: How can you tell if Justin's been using your computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Now some of these are wrong, but you should know we still love them right??? Q: How did Lance try to kill the bird? A: He threw it off a cliff. Q: What did Justin name his pet zebra? A: Spot A Blonde Puzzle One morning, Justin called Britney up and said, "Please come over and help me. I have this awesome jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Britney asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" Justin says,"From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Britney figures that she's pretty good at puzzles,so she heads over to his place. He lets her in the door and shows her where he has the puzzle spread all over the table. She studies the pieces for a moment, then she studies the box. She then turns to Justin and says, "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these pieces to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box." This isn't about Nsync in anyway, but read it anyway, its funny!! Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem, everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired, what could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red, she felt something hard. She held it in her hand, and it did not melt! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed, and the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was the object in the prince's pants? They were M&M's, of course! The chocolate that melts in your mouth, not in your hands! On Potty Training!!!! Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? I hope you remember my story when they start getting frustrating. My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No." I kept thinking "Oh lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident." "No, he replied. I just knew that he must have had, cause the smell was getting worse. Sooo...I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled... "See MOM" IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified ... but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!
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Heres one! But he looks gooooood here. Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, good! |
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More blondes!!! |
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Scary... |
