The Proposal: Chapter 9

Jax watched as Keesha slowly ate her food, her gaze tranfixed to the table. He came over from the doorway and sat down at the other end of the table. "Is it warm enough?"

"Yes." She took another bite, still avoiding his stare.

"You cannot avoid me forever Keesha."

"I am not planning to avoid you forever. Just at this particular moment."

Jax smiled, and soon he laughed. "Your honesty amuses me at times."

"That is good to know."

Jax's eyes grew as Keesha picked up her wine glass, finishing it all in one turn. "You will have an awful headache."

Keesha doubted anything could make her head hurt worse than the knowledge running through her mind that she had fallen in love with her husband. "I would like to leave."

"Then leave."

Keesha got up. She walked slowly near the doorway, her pace quickening as she moved past his chair, until she virtually ran out the room.

Jax leaned back in his chair, picking up his own wine. He swiveled the glass around slowly, thinking.

He had no idea what had come over his wife - but at least he knew it had to do with him. A smile tugged against his lips as he realized that he obviously affected her, at least a fraction of how she had affected him. And that was good to know.

Jax took a drink, his eyebrow arching.

A lesser man might take advantage of such a situation. But he was not Garcia. And unlike him Jax was not going to take a woman's innocence and turn it against her.

Keesha had never even been kissed before Jax had done so. Everything was new for her, and it would be easy to take the confusion that could come with a physical awakening-and the resulting attachment most women felt for the man who had done so-and use it to get what he wanted.

He couldn't do that, even if all he wanted from Keesha was physical. More importantly, he knew he wanted more-Jax did not want to merely seduce Keesha into his bed. Because she had awakened something in him as well...she had made him actually feel for the first time in his life. So though he knew he could easily bring Keesha into his bed, he did not want to. Not now.

Not until he could know whether her reaction to him was because of him, or more because he was the first person to show her the pleasure kisses and touches could bring. Not until he could know whether she had feelings for him or because it was merely the emotional attachment of being the first.

Being only the first was not enough.

Jax wanted to be the only.

And to make sure there was such a chance, he would leave Keesha alone. If he did anything, he would only let her know he was available to her, but that was all. His plan was to let her alone, and let her do what she will.

Jax just prayed that Keesha appealed to his emotions before she attempted to entice him physically. Because by leaving it up to her, he was relinquishing absolute power of his heart to her-despite all of the nagging doubts in his mind.

For once in his life, Jax hoped his mind was wrong.

"Jules has observed how much you like this room."

Keesha ran her fingers over the golden lettering on the leather binding of the books on the shelf. "I have never seen so many different books in my entire life," she answered without looking at Jax.

"You enjoy reading."

"Yes," she nodded. "I miss learning."

"Most people I know hate to learn anything."

"That is probably because they always had the opportunity to do so. Not everyone in America can...therefore those of us that do, feel very blessed to be able to." Keesha finally turned away from the bookcase, looking at Jax.

"You are done avoiding me?" he smiled.

"For the moment." Keesha dropped her gaze. "Will you do something for me?"

"I regret to say I would likely do anything for you," Jax answered honestly.

Keesha closed her eyes, sighing softly. She wished Jax would not talk that way - loving him would be bad enough - he did not need to give her reasons to care about him as well. "I cannot reach the top shelf without standing on something. I gather that would be a bad thing."

Jax shrugged. "This is your home." He walked over to the bookcase. "You may stand on what you wish. Which do you require?"

"That large one...the one by the author of our...your name."

"By my father?"

"Your father writes?"

"Actually, my mother wrote it. However, my father placed his name upon it to give it a better chance of being published." Jax reached up, taking the large burgundy book.

"I will be very careful." Keesha took the book.

"Part of it is in German."

"German?"

"Do you speak German?"

"No."

"Then we have just solved your problem. I will teach you German, and therefore you will be learning something."

Keesha's eyes shone brightly as a wide smile grew across her face. "Yes..." She looked down at the book, and then back up at Jax. "I would enjoy that...if you do not mind."

"I cannot have my wife knowing only four languages now can I?" he teased.

Keesha grinned at Jax again and then walked over to the sitting window. Jax looked at her for a moment and started to leave.

"Jax?"

Jax turned away from the door. "Yes?"

"So...is your family orginally from Germany?" Keesha found herself asking.

"My mother." Jax came over. Keesha pushed herself back, leaning against the wall and he sat down next to her. "My father is from here. He met my mother, fell in love..." Jax stopped looking at Keesha, and began to stare out the window. "And then the government convinced them to go to Austrailia when I was five and my brother was...twelve. We lived there, and then...when I was seventeen...I had come here to visit Jerry - who had since returned. And...I never went back."

"Why?"

"There was nothing for me to go back to. My father had been sick when they insisted I go and visit Jerry. They told me it was not...serious...and I believed them. But he died..." Jax's voice grew quiet.

Keesha covered her mouth with her hand, her other hand resting against his leg.

Jax looked down and then looked over at her. "My mother lived here for awhile. Jerry took care of her, because she did not wish to take care of herself, and nothing I did helped. She passed a few years later. I believe it was of a broken heart...no doctor can convince me of otherwise."

"I am so very sorry...I should not have brought this up..." she chastised herself.

"No. I never talk about it...perhaps it was time." Jax took a deep breath, standing. "I will leave you with your reading." he turned to the window again.

Keesha glanced out the window. "I think I will go." she decided as Jax continued to think. "I hope I did not entirely ruin your birthday..."

"No. It was a nice birthday."

"Sometimes you are too polite."

Jax looked at her, arching his eyebrow.

"I said sometimes. Other times you can be downright rude."

"I am never rude." Jax smirked. Suddenly his smile faded. "And you...could never ruin anything."

"Do you need your bandage changed."

Jax stared at Keesha. After a moment, he decided to allow her to change the mood and answered simply. "I can manage."

"Do not be stingy with the solution," she ordered.

"Yes, Keesha."

"Good evening."

"Good evening."

Keesha took a deep breath and walked away. Jax turned back to the window, kneeling on the bench as he stared outside.

Keesha stopped, looking back at Jax and watching him as he stared at the view outside. She wished she knew what to say...what to do...

Was there anything?

Jax closed his eyes as he felt a gentle kiss on his cheek. He exhaled slowly and turned to look at Keesha. She gave him a small smile and then bent forward, kissing the top of his head.

Once again Jax closed his eyes, finding himself wrapping his arms around her waist. Keesha shut her eyes, burying her face against his hair as her fingers ran slowly through the back.

They stayed like this for a long while, neither of them saying a word. Until finally, Keesha pulled back, bending until they were eye level. Jax opened his eyes, staring into hers. She touched his cheek with her fingers and whispered, "Good night." And with that she left, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Thoughts which now were only of her.