Chapter 84
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"....so, by the time Agent Andrews woke up, Ned Kelly..." Jax looked down
at Laurence. "...had fallen asleep." he smiled. Jax stood carefully
leaving his bedroom, and walking Laurence down the hall to the nursery.
He opened the door, turning on the switch which immediately started the
stars and moon mobile in the nursery.
Jax laid Laurence down in the crib, covering him with the baby blanket.
He knelt down, peaking through the bars. "I love you..." he whispered.
"I'm sorry I came so late, but everything will be just fine...your Mum and
I will take good care of you, I promise."
Jax ran down the stairs, walking over to the sofa. He sighed. What was
it with Keesha falling asleep on the sofa all the time? He went to the
front, kneeling. "Keesha..." he whispered against her lips. He kissed
them softly. "Keesha..."
Keesha stirred, opening her eyes. "Hi." she smiled.
"Hello." Jax grinned, kissing her again.
Keesha sat up slightly as she returned his gentle kiss. The kiss turned
passionate and she ran her fingers through his hair. Jax pulled away,
leaving her breathless.
"Where have you been?"
"Here..." she kissed him. "....there..." she kissed him again.
"...everywhere..." she smiled wickedly, kissing him one last time.
"Family is family."
"Keesha is part of the family....Jax loves her, and he's not just going to
give her up."
"John, Jerry's right. You didn't see him when they weren't together, he
was miserable, she was miserable..."
"But that was before Jax knew he was a father." John stated. "Keesha's
wonderful, and she's sweet, and yes they love each other, but Deidre is
the mother of Jax's child. They should be together."
"It's not going to happen." Jerry stood. "He won't leave her, and she
won't leave him."
"But..."
"You can't always get your way Dad. Just leave them alone."
"All I'm going to do is point certain things out, of course Jax's decision
is his own..."
Jerry glanced over at his father, shaking his head. His father would do
more than point certain things out-his father was about ready to stir up
trouble.
"So take me over there."
"No can do. I don't want any part of this." Jerry left the table.
"Of all the..."
"John...Jerry's right you know. We should leave them alone."
"Love grows Jane. You and I got married, because it was the right thing
to do by Jerry, and we barely knew each other. But now, I can't imagine
my life without you....it was a struggle at first but..."
"John, be honest."
"Honest?"
"I know you love me, but do you think I'm blind?...you resented Jerry, you
resent him now, because somewhere in your eyes, you think having him kept
you away from who you wanted to be with."
"That's not true."
"It is true. Jerry sees it, I see it...if I hadn't gotten pregnant with
Jerry, you would never had married me..."
"I love you."
"Yes, but do you love Jerry like you love Jax?"
"Of course I love Jerry!"
"I know...but John...I'm not blind. And you never answered my question.
And if Jax isn't with Keesha, not only will Jax pay with a broken heart,
he'll never look at Laurence the same again....no matter how he winds up
feeling about Deidre. Just let it go." she finished with a whisper. "At
least sleep on it."
"Cold?" Jax asked Keesha softly as she rested her head on his chest.
"Nope." she smiled, trailing her finger down his bare chest. Jax took her
hand, his fingers playing with hers. "How's fatherhood?" she looked up
into his eyes.
"More wonderful than I could imagine...Keesha?"
"Hmm?" she rested against his chest once more.
"Where have you been?"
"Nowhere really. I was going to visit Miranda in jail..."
"What?" Jax sat up. "Why?"
Keesha laid fully on the ground, looking up at Jax. "Just to see...I
don't know. But Mac thinks I set her up to take the fall for Sonny's and
Hannah's murders."
"What?"
"At least that's what Miranda keeps screaming...I would think the same
thing if I was her though. She has Lucky looking into it."
"How do you know?"
"Because that's why I didn't go see her. I found out Lucky was there; and
he was there too long for just a visit. Besides, Taggert suspects it as
well. He told me."
"Okay...what happened to not hiding things from each other."
"Jax, I just went today. Besides, I wanted to give you space. And I just
told you."
"After I asked."
"I was going to tell you anyway...I know you have problems trusting me
fully, but I really was going to tell you. I was just looking for the
right time."
Jax stared into Keesha's eyes. "I know." he mumbled, standing. "I'll
look into it...."
"No. I don't want you doing that."
"Excuse me?"
"Jax, you have more important things to do than deal with Miranda. I'm
not involved and no matter how much Lucky or whoever looks, there's
nothing to find. So let them waste their time. What's the worst that can
happen."
Jax crossed his arms. "What do you think? We're talking about Miranda..."
"Exactly. And that's why I don't want you involved. If I need help, I'll
ask for it."
"...but, only if you don't think I'm busy right?"
Keesha sighed. "Give me a break, alright." she sat up, wrapping the
blanket around her. "Things have to change around here, you know it, I
know it, priorities are different."
"Keesha..." Jax knelt down, taking her face in his hands. "Taking care of
you will always be a priority with me."
Keesha blinked, tilting her head with a sigh. She rested her hands on top
of his. "I know that Jax. But at the same time, things have to change,
it's just the way it is." she drew his hands from her face. "But that's
fine, I accept that. I don't want it to be any different. Up there is a
darling lovely little boy who *needs* you to take care of him; I can
always take care of myself..."
"Is that what this is about?...Are you preparing yourself to *have* to
take care of yourself?"
"Jax..." Keesha shook her head.
"Look at me...is that it? Because I'm not going anywhere..."
"Why?"
"What do you mean *why*?!"
"I know you love me...but have you really, *really* thought about this?
It isn't just about you and me anymore...everything happened so
fast...have you really thought about this? What is best for your son?"
"You think us being apart is best for Laurence?"
"I never said that...But I...I don't want you to make a decision that
you're going to wind up regretting. But first of all you have to make a
decision, and that means you have to really think about this."
Jax sighed deeply, sitting.
"The day I told you you smelled like baby powder..."
"I had Laurence all day."
"Okay, you had him all day, but you didn't call me, you didn't tell me
until...until after Nikolas told me."
Jax cut his eyes. "Excuse me?"
"Nikolas told me...Miranda knew, she told Nikolas, and Nikolas assuming
you had already told me brought it up."
"Which is why it took you so long to get home..." Jax shook his head and
then glanced over at Keesha once more.
"Right. And then you started to tell me, and I wanted to hear it from
you, because I felt that you had the right to tell me, and I deserved to
hear it from you. And you know what I noticed, even as you were telling
me...it was like a *warning*...and you kept asking me what I
thought...like you wanted to makes sure everything was fine with me...and
you should have came in running and telling me you might be a father...you
have every right to be eccstatic about that...but you're careful. You
apologized for bringing him here, you didn't take me shopping with
you...you want to spare any hurt feelings I may have. But I don't have
any, okay. And I need for you to stop thinking about what's best for me,
and think about what's best for you and Laurence...so, I'm going to give
you a couple of days to do that."
"I don't need..."
"Jax, please."
Jax watched as Keesha went up the stairs. He looked into the fireplace as
his mind continued to race-her words repeating themselves over and over.
She wanted to give him a couple of days.
To think. He loved Keesha, Keesha loved him. He wasn't in love with
Deidre, he never could be in love with her. Raising Laurence in a house
with no love was not something that Jax wanted to do. How could he raise
Laurence with love, when he would be in a family where there was none?
How could he teach his son that it was okay to sacrifice his own happiness
just to do what was "proper"? Jax saw what happened when Carly and AJ had
tried to make a marriage work, because they had a child together.
Everyone was miserable, Carly, AJ, Michael and Jason. All it did was
spawn more hatred between everyone and Michael was caught in the middle.
If Jax was forced to live his life without Keesha, what would happen to
him? Deidre? What would happen to Laurence? What would
happen...Laurence would grow up in a family no better than the
Quartermaines-where family was just a word and love was taken advantage
of, and dysfunction was a way of life.
Jax walked upstairs.
Keesha wanted him to think.
Think about what?
"I've made my decision."
"Jax, you've only been down there for two minutes." Keesha sighed as she
swung her bag over her shoulder.
"So, you think leaving me is the answer."
"I'm not leaving you, I'm just giving you space to think..."
"Great." Jax stated coldly. "Just disregard what I want, and go on and
do what you think is best for me." he sat down on the bed. "But if I
remember correctly, I did that last time you left...and you hated it."
"Jax...I am not leaving you...but I want to give you time..."
"Why is time so important to you! Why don't you trust me to know what I'm
doing?!" he snapped.
Shani
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