Chapter 39

Jax's fingers lowered from Keesha's lips, and his hand rested on her bed once more. He *wanted* to stay. "I can't." he whispered softly. Keesha's eyes stayed locked into his. "I want you to...do you want to?" "You know I do..." "Then, stay. Please..." Keesha sat up a little. "Stay with me Jax...." she trailed her fingers lightly up his arms, Jax glanced down and then looked at her again, as Keesha leaned until her lips weren't even an inch from his. Jax closed his eyes as Keesha brushed her mouth over his. His lips couldn't resist and they parted slightly against hers...slowly she tasted him, her tongue sliding into his mouth, meeting and teasing against his. Keesha pushed herself back, beginning to recline in the bed. Without breaking off the kiss Jax joined her, hovering just above her. Instead of cooling his desire for her, Keesha's soft kisses only made Jax want her more. He finally rested on top of her, and she moaned as he took control, kissing her hungrily. Once again everything felt perfect...Keesha unbuttoned Jax's shirt quickly, sliding it down his arms and letting it fall in a heap around his waist. Once again they were where they belonged...Wrapping her arms around Jax's bare back, Keesha again kissed him deeply, only to have him break of the kiss, his mouth moving to her neck, sucking against the side. This moment in time, nothing else mattered....Keesha sighed and arched against Jax, sliding her hands across his back. As he continued kissing her neck, he began undoing the buttons on her blouse, pushing the material aside. His hands roamed gently up her body... Suddenly he stopped. Keesha opened her eyes. "What?" she breathed as she looked down at him. Jax stared at her wedding band, attached to her chain. "You still have this?" he mumbled, forcing himself to glance into her eyes. "Of course." Keesha smiled softly, reaching out and running her fingers around his face. Her grin faded as she saw a quick flash of doubt go through his eyes... No way. She leaned up and kissed his lips again passionately. Jax's fingers closed over her wedding band as he returned her kiss, once again allowing himself to feel the joy only this could bring him. He led her back down on the bed... Only she could bring to him Even if it would only be for this night. Because it couldn't happen again. Keesha quivered, aching for him...Jax slid his hand over the inside of her thigh, and she raised her leg, enclosing him between it and the other. "I love you..." he murmered into her ear and went to kiss her again... This time it was Keesha who pulled away. She looked at Jax and again saw the doubt. She shook her head. Immediately he sat up. "I'm sorry I shouldn't..." "Don't you get it?" Jax looked over at Keesha's question. "I don't want you to be sorry. It's as if you're sorry you fell in love with me, and if that's how you really feel, then no, you shouldn't have come here." "Sorry I love you? Of course I'm not...how could I be sorry that I love you?" "I wouldn't give up one moment I had with you Jax...not one. What I would give up is this...what I will give up is this....I'm sneaking around, because I miss you so much, that the thought of being with you for even a moment..." she sighed and tried again. "I don't want you coming through my window, or feeling guilty about wanting to stay, or worry that you're going to hurt me. Because the only thing that hurts me, is being here...when I belong with you." "I need to let you go." Jax sat up in the bed, taking his shirt and putting it back on slowly. "Why are we dragging this out...I'll go to the Dominican Republic and we'll be divorced by tomorrow evening..." he decided. "And then...you won't see me again." "Great. Just what I wanted." she said sarcastically. He glanced over at Keesha, his shirt still unbuttoned. "That's not fair. Do you think I want this?" His eyes trailed down from hers, looking at the wedding band dangling from the rope in between her chest. He forced himself to look away. "Then why are we doing this? We're grown people, and we want to be together..." "You know why." "It's not a good enough reason." "Your safety is not a good enough reason? What about my peace of mind, knowing you're safe?" "Your mind is peaceful, Jax? Really? Because mine isn't...it wasn't anywhere near peaceful until I saw you." "What do you want me to say?!" Jax stood, frustrated. He started doing up his shirt. "That I'm miserable?! Fine! I'm miserable...I can't sleep, I can barely keep my mind on work...nothing I do makes it better!" his voice softened. "But you're alive...do you understand. You are *alive* and that keeps me going. If we are together, soon you won't be..." he ran his fingers through his hair as his frustaration grew. He shouldn't have come here. "Jax...Jax, look at me." Jax closed his eyes and took a breath. He turned and looked over at Keesha. "I just have one question, okay? If it wasn't for this...circumstance, that *we* didn't adequately prepare ourselves for...is there any reason that we wouldn't be together? Is there any other reason?" "Why do I need another..." "Just answer the question...please." Keesha sat up in the bed. "I shouldn't have to. Why would we be apart? That would make no sense." "Because we belong together." "And we're happy together." Jax agreed. "And we're absolutely miserable apart." "Where is this going Keesha?" "One more." "Keesha..." "This...it hurts you?" Jax looked down, not answering. He didn't need to. Keesha groaned, looking at her ringing phone. "Answer it." Jax said softly and she watched as he left her bedroom Keesha tossed the offending receiver off the hook of her phone and hopped out of bed, running out of her room. "Jax?!" she called looking around. Her eyes transfixed on the curtain blowing softly in the wind from the open window. "I want it out by tonight and sent to her place tomorrow...no *now*, I don't want it there when I get back..." Jax listened to the mover on the other end of the line. "I've already packed it up...all you have to do is come and get it...no I'm going to the Dominican Republic...yes *now*....my mother is staying there, so be quiet, if I found out you've woken her....right." Jax hung up and looked up to Keesha's window. Keesha looked down into the parking lot, but she couldn't see him anywhere. She sighed and closed her window, locking it. No matter. She walked back into her bedroom and shut the door. Jax watched as Keesha's light went out from her bedroom. A millisecond later he blinked as his phone rang. "Yes." "I love you too." Jax couldn't help but smile. "Good night Keesha." "See you Jax." Keesha promised. Jax listened to the dial tone after Keesha had hung up. After a moment he disconnected and went inside his car. "And sooner than you think." She'd never been to the Dominican Republic before.

Shani