Chapters 37 & 38
<![CDATA["I *knew* he was using her for something!" Sonny pounded his fists on
the table. "I knew he was behind this..."
Hannah looked at her husband. "What are you going to do?"
"First I handle Jason...then Jax."
"Are you going to tell me what he did to you?"
Keesha looked over at Edward. She sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I'll be out of here by tomorrow. I found a place."
"Really."
"Uh huh." she smiled. "Thanks for letting me stay here though." she
took a deep breath and walked over to the window. She looked down at
her finger, staring at the wedding band. She should probably take it
off. It had been three days since she'd left.
"Going back to Philadelphia?"
"No. I'm staying here."
"Why would you want to do that?" Keesha glanced over at Edward. "Not
that I mind...." he added.
Again she found a smile. "I don't want to go." was all she said.
"You really loved that fool, didn't you?"
Keesha looked out the window again. "Good night Edward."
Edward stared at his grandson's cousin. His grandson's *Lil' Bit*.
And his heart continued to break for her. He left, closing the door
quietly.
"Thanks for the dinner V." Jax got out of her car.
"You're welcome. Are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?"
"I can't....besides, aren't you still mad at me, because of Marcus."
V cut her eyes briefly. "Yes, actually. But right now my worry is
suspending the anger."
"Lucky me." he smiled.
"Jax, I really am worried about you. You don't seem right."
He shrugged. "How can I?" he bent over and kissed her on the cheek.
"But I'll be fine. I always am."
V watched as her friend walked up the stairs of his porch.
Jax opened the door to his house. He stood in the doorway, as he
always did these past week, trying to prepare himself for the lonliness
that surrounded his home.
Home.
It was no longer a home. It was just a place he pretended to live in
as he again went through the motions of life.
Jax walked in and shut the door. He went over to his message machine,
he hadn't heard from Jerry yet. He would be worried, except for
Miranda was still in town. Obviously Jerry needed to be
alone...perhaps Jax would take some time away from this hell himself.
Jax was going through his mail when he heard a familiar knock. He
jogged over. "You're back...I was wondering when you'd come...." he
opened the door and stared. "Mum...."
"Jax? Are you okay?"
"I...I'm fine..." he stammered. "Fine. Where's Pop."
"With Jerry. At home."
"Jerry's in Australia?"
"Yes, and he told us. Everything."
"What do you mean?"
"About you and Keesha. And how much in love you are with her...."
"I'm..." Jax turned away from his mother. "It was all a plan. I told
you long ago-right after we got married..." Jax looked down.
Lady Jane closed the door and stared at her youngest son. She walked
over. "Why are you still wearing your ring."
Jax closed his eyes. "Quite an eye." he mumbled as he took his band
off. He sighed deeply and immediately replaced it on his finger.
"Does she understand...Jasper."
Jax turned at the sound of his full name. "She knows I love her."
"But..."
"But...just but, Mum. We can't be together. Okay?"
"Never say can't Jax. Doesn't she love you? She has to...Jerry
says..."
"Where are you staying?"
"Jax..."
"We can't be together. We won't be together. And there's nothing else
to discuss."
"Jasper Jacks...we raised you better than that! If you love this
woman...then you'll find a way...you've always found a way. Nothing is
more important than happiness...than love....than family..."
"Please..."
"You made a mistake...people make mistakes. Maybe you didn't go in for
love...but you didn't go in to hurt her either...explain that to
her..she'll forgive you..."
"It's not about forgiving, Lady Jane. It's not...you know..." Jax sat
down on the couch and his mother came over to him. "The tabloids say
one thing...that I never really loved her, and that's why she left..."
"Jerry says that's a lie....hell, I can tell it's a lie..."
"It is."
"Then how did you hurt her. Jerry keeps saying that you probably think
you've hurt her, and that's what stopping you."
Jax shook his head. He hadn't talked to Jerry since that night. He
never told him why there was a split-he couldn't even find him to tell
him there was a split. But Jerry knew. If anyone knew Jax's motives,
without even a word, it was Jerry. Always had been. "I did hurt her."
"She'll forgive you..."
Jax laughed. "You don't know Keesha, Mum. How would you know?"
"She wouldn't?"
"It's not about forgiving...Remember everything that Pop and Jerry
did...and they said it was to protect me...they had to do it. I *have*
to do this...now do you get it. I can't be with Keesha now. If I
could, trust me, I would. But I can't."
"You've gotten no sleep...." she reached out and touched his face.
"It's a busy time." Jax shrugged.
"Jax, you didn't want anyone's protection, remember? Maybe Keesha
doesn't want yours."
Jax stared at his mother. "Do you want to stay here?"
Jane's eyes locked with his. Jax never offered to let her
stay...generally she had to trick him into such.
He was hurting so badly.
Jax looked down, fighting the ugre to cry. He hadn't cried yet...and
he wasn't going to....
"Excuse me..." his voice broke and he got off the couch, heading to his
office and shutting the door.
Jane stood from the couch. She headed for Jax's kitchen, hoping he had
some honey. Of course he would have honey. He always liked his tea
with a touch of honey.
It always made him feel better. And right now that was the only thing
she could think of doing. She passed the table where the phone
continued to ring. She waited and then picked it up. "Hello?...no,
he's busy...can I take a message...one moment..." Jane pushed back the
peices of mail on the desk, looking for paper. "Okay...I'll make sure
he gets it...Edward? right....goodbye." Jane hung up. She picked up
the large envelope. "Deception Cosmetics...." Dated a week ago. How
did he live letting some mail pile up like that....
"Stop babying me...."
"That's what you get for letting me stay here." Jane smirked as she
handed Jax his second cup of tea.
"Now I know better."
Jane smacked Jax on his arm. "Aren't you going to call Edward?"
"Not today."
"Mail?" she reached over and handed Jax his mail.
Jax smiled at his mother. "I guess this is why Pop worked so
hard...you never let him just sit and relax." he took the mail,
slipping through it. "Deception?" Jax opened it, curious....
"Jax?" When Jax didn't answer, she took the paper attached to the back
of what Jax was staring at in his hands. "Here's a preview of the
Spring Campaign, tell Keesha to call us when she wants a career
change...Nikolas C." Jane remembered hearing about the campaign, with
Keesha-to tie into with the buy out of Jacks Cosmetics.
Jax took a breath, trying to bring himself back to now..."I wonder who
they got as a replacement...." Jax finally took his eyes off the first
picture, only to slide that one away, looking at the next one.
"Nice..." he whispered as he looked at the shot, Keesha pushing her
hair back, her lips parted slightly.
God, he missed her.
Jane looked down as her son stared at the picture, taking a deep sigh.
Jax didn't even notice when she left.
Keesha turned up the stock reports. For some odd reason, realizing
that Jax was probably watching the same thing, made her feel less
alone. She sighed and looked around her new place, upstairs, across
from V's old room above the Outback. She could have easily afforded
more, but she wanted to be near people, to keep her from thinking too
much. If she left the window open, the noise from the parking lot
would keep too many thoughts from flooding into her head. Thoughts
yelling at her to call Jax, and tell him she wanted to come home.
"Coming!" Keesha got off the couch, figuring it was Felicia, once
again, inviting her over for dinner like she did every night. "I'm not
hungry...." she opened the door. Keesha stared at the woman in her
doorway. She blinked as she realized. "Mrs. Jacks..."
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"You can call me Lady Jane, if you'd like."
"Um...come in." Keesha moved out of the way. "Excuse the mess, I
haven't unpacked yet. I don't even have all my things..." her voice
trailed off as she realized she really did need to go back to
her...*Jax's* home. "I take it Jax knows you're in town."
"I'm staying with him. I'll get straight to the point. Jax's heart is
completely broken. What do you plan to do about that?"
"Um...coffee?" Keesha walked over to the kichen. She didn't want to
discuss Jax, or his broken heart...it would make the voices in her head
amplify. And she had promised.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yes, Ma'am." she shifted uncomfortably.
"Now, I don't know you...but according to Jerry, you make my son very
happy...happier than he's been in years. I have an inkling of what
happened...I know that he hurt you..."
"Jax didn't hurt me." Keesha said before thinking.
"Then why are you in this hell hole, instead of with my son?"
"Hell hole?" Bobbie had told Keesha about Lady Jane. Now Keesha saw
she was correct. "Actually...." she continued.
"Well?" Jane cut her off
"Mrs. Jacks...I..."
"Why do *you* wear your wedding band?"
"What do you mean *you*?" Keesha took it off and looked at Jane.
"Put it back on, that's exactly what Jax did when I asked him."
"I hate to be rude, but I think you should go." she replaced her band.
"I don't think Jax would want you here."
"Jax shouldn't always get what he says he wants. Because often, what he
really wants, he won't...."
"...say." Keesha finished.
"So you *do* know him. Might I deduce that means you care as well..."
No use trying to hide anything from this woman obviously. So Keesha
simply admitted, "I love Jax."
Jane stood, clasping her hands together. "Great. Simple. Let's go."
"I can't. I promised."
"Promised to what? Leave him miserable and alone?"
"I don't want to be here!" Keesha snapped. "I'm sorry..." she closed
her eyes. "I didn't mean to..."
"Then why are you here, Keesha?"
"Because it would hurt Jax more if I stayed. He needs me away from
him. He seems to think..."
"That you need protection. He told me. I assume from Corinthos."
"If I had my choice, I would be with Jax right now. But, Jax doesn't
want me there. He wants me away from him. And if I go to him,
eventually he'll probably give in...but he'll spend the rest of his
life watching over me. I don't want him living like that. If I'm not
there...he won't worry, and he can focus on himself...and he'll be
fine...some lucky woman willl come along and I'll be just a memory..."
she managed a smile "...and maybe one day, we can be friends or
something but...."
"When was the last time you saw him?"
Keesha shook her head. Not since that night. Which is why she didn't
even have all of her clothes...she was afraid to get them. She figured
one day Jax would send them along. "I'm glad you're here...he needs
you." she said softly and Jane realized Keesha wouldn't be budged.
Jane sighed and walked over to the door. She opened it. "There's a
fighter in you Keesha, or else Jax wouldn't love you so much."
Keesha looked down at her ring again.
"I know I'm biased...but my son is worth fighting for...even if you
have to fight *him*."
Keesha looked over at Jane.
"I don't know what you promised-to do whatever Jax said he wanted...I
don't know. But is *this* really keeping whatever promise you made?
Or is it the easy out..."
"This isn't easy..."
"It isn't? Trust me, doing what Jax says he wants, even if it's
frustrating...*that's* a peice of cake compared to going up against
him...when it's what you need to do." Jane left, shutting the door.
Jax eased the book away from his sleeping mother's hands, turning off
the lamp on the desk of the nightstand. He closed the door and went
over to the phone. "Hello?"
"Jax...it's Felicia."
"Why are you whispering?"
"Because I don't want Keesha to hear..." Felicia looked across the bar
at her friend eating by herself in the corner table.
"Is something wrong?!" he interrupted her.
"I *knew* it...I told Mac you were in love with her." Felicia nodded to
V sitting across from her.
Damn it. "What Felicia?" Jax asked dryly.
"Why isn't she with you?"
"Why do you care?"
"Because she's absolutely miserable, that's why. She moved above the
Outback, and this is the first night I've actually seen her venture
out."
"That's because I'm an absolute jerk. So if I were you, I would't want
me anywhere near her." Jax hung up the phone. He was trying to empty
his mind of Keesha, talking to her friends defintely wasn't going to
help. He sat down on the couch.
Keesha slowly walked up the stairs and started down the hall, playing
with the ring on her finger. Finally she took it off. She opened the
door to her apartment, going inside. "Leave it." she said to the urge
to put it back on again. Wearing it wouldn't make Jax be...
"Leave what?
Here. "Jax?"
"Felicia's worried about you." Jax forced himself to stay on the
couch.
"Really?" Keesha forced herself to stay near the door.
"So I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"How did you get in?'
"Fire escape....window. You need a more secure place..."
"This is fine."
"Don't you want something bigger?"
To feel even more alone? "No."
"Are you okay?"
She shrugged. "I've been better."
"Yeah...me too." Jax gave Keesha a small grin, and as always her
heart skipped.
"That helps."
"A mere smile?"
"Nothing about you is mere, Jax."
Jax looked down. He sighed and stood. "I should go."
"Okay." Keesha moved away from the door.
'That's okay...I'll take the window. It's safer." That way, he
wouldn't be forced to pass her. Who knew what would happen if she was
an arms length away.
"Okay." she repeated.
They continued staring at each other, and then Jax moved away from the
couch.
He went over to the window, opening it again.
"Jax?"
Jax closed his eyes continuing to face the window. "Please don't. I
don't know how many goodbyes I can take."
She stopped coming towards him. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I shouldn't have come here..."
"I'm glad you came."
Jax again found himself fighting back tears.
Keesha looked down, looking as his hand reached for her. She closed
the space between them, placing her hand in his. He pulled her closer.
Keesha wrapped her arms around Jax's waist, resting against his back,
sighing contently.
They stayed like this for a long time, unaware of the noise from the
lot below...completly lost in each other.
All of a sudden Jax laughed heartily as she tickled him. "That's
better." she smiled against his back and let go. He turned, watching
as Keesha walked down her hallway to her bedroom. He heard the door
shut and looked at the window once more.
Keesha laid down in her bed as she heard the window shut. She had
almost let what his mother said get the better of her today. But her
common sense had won out...thankfully.
Right?
Keesha took the chain from around her neck. She slipped her wedding
band through the rope and then put the necklace back on. "There." Now
she could look like she had moved on and stil have him close.
She sat up as her door flew open.
Slowly Jax closed it. "I shouldn't be here..." he stated sofly as he
came over to the bed
Keesha watched as Jax placed his hands on the bed on each side of her.
She looked up at him, her heart mending under his blue-eyed gaze.
"Stay." she whispered. Jax reached up, tracing her lips with his
finger. "Please." she mumbled against the tip.
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Shani
