Scene 4



The black knight



     [King Arthur music] 
     [music stops] 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Aaaagh! 
     [King Arthur music] 
     [music stops] 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Aaagh! 
GREEN KNIGHT: 
     Ooh! 
     [King Arthur music] 
     [music stops] 
     [stab] 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Aagh! 
GREEN KNIGHT: 
     Oh! 
     [King Arthur music] 
     Ooh! Uuh. 
     [music stops] 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Aaaagh! 
     [clang] 
BLACK KNIGHT and GREEN KNIGHT: 
     Agh!, oh!, etc. 
GREEN KNIGHT: 
     Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah! 
     [woosh] 
     [BLACK KNIGHT kills GREEN KNIGHT] 
     [thud] 
     [scrape] 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Umm! 
     [clop clop clop] 
ARTHUR: 
     You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. 
     [pause] 
     I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 
     [pause] 
     I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Camelot. 
     [pause] 
     You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? 
     [pause] 
     You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     None shall pass. 
ARTHUR: 
     What? 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     None shall pass. 
ARTHUR: 
     I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Then you shall die. 
ARTHUR: 
     I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside! 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     I move for no man. 
ARTHUR: 
     So be it! 
ARTHUR and BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc. 
     [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off] 
                             
ARTHUR: 
     Now stand aside, worthy adversary. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     'Tis but a scratch. 
ARTHUR: 
     A scratch? Your arm's off! 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     No, it isn't. 
ARTHUR: 
     Well, what's that, then? 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     I've had worse. 
ARTHUR: 
     You liar! 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Come on, you pansy! 
     [clang] 
     Huyah! 
     [clang] 
     Hiyaah! 
     [clang] 
     Aaaaaaaah! 
     [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off] 
                             
ARTHUR: 
     Victory is mine! 
     [kneeling] 
     We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer-- 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Hah! 
     [kick] 
     Come on, then. 
ARTHUR: 
     What? 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Have at you! 
     [kick] 
ARTHUR: 
     Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Oh, had enough, eh? 
ARTHUR: 
     Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Yes, I have. 
ARTHUR: 
     Look! 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Just a flesh wound. 
     [kick] 
ARTHUR: 
     Look, stop that. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Chicken! 
     [kick] 
     Chickennn! 
ARTHUR: 
     Look, I'll have your leg. 
     [kick] 
     Right! 
     [whop] 
     [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right leg off] 
                             
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Right. I'll do you for that! 
ARTHUR: 
     You'll what? 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Come here! 
ARTHUR: 
     What are you going to do, bleed on me? 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     I'm invincible! 
ARTHUR: 
     You're a looney. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then. 
     [whop] 
     [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's last leg off] 
                             
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw. 
ARTHUR: 
     Come, Patsy. 
BLACK KNIGHT: 
     Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's
     coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!