Scene 23



The Bridge of Death



     [gurgle] 
GALAHAD: 
     There it is! 
ARTHUR: 
     The Bridge of Death! 
ROBIN: 
     Oh, great. 
ARTHUR: 
     Look! There's the old man from scene twenty-four! 
BEDEVERE: 
     What is he doing here? 
ARTHUR: 
     He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions-- 
GALAHAD: 
     Three questions. 
ARTHUR: 
     Three questions. He who answers the five questions-- 
GALAHAD: 
     Three questions. 
ARTHUR: 
     Three questions may cross in safety. 
ROBIN: 
     What if you get a question wrong? 
ARTHUR: 
     Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. 
ROBIN: 
     Oh, I won't go. 
GALAHAD: 
     Who's going to answer the questions? 
ARTHUR: 
     Sir Robin! 
ROBIN: 
     Yes? 
ARTHUR: 
     Brave Sir Robin, you go. 
ROBIN: 
     Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go? 
LAUNCELOT: 
     Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east
     that s-- 
ARTHUR: 
     No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions-- 
GALAHAD: 
     Three questions. 
ARTHUR: 
     Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray. 
LAUNCELOT: 
     I understand, my liege. 
ARTHUR: 
     Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot. God be with you. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     Stop! 
                             
     Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other
     side he see. 
LAUNCELOT: 
     Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your name? 
                             
LAUNCELOT: 
     My name is 'Sir Launcelot of Camelot'. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your quest? 
LAUNCELOT: 
     To seek the Holy Grail. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your favourite colour? 
LAUNCELOT: 
     Blue. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     Right. Off you go. 
LAUNCELOT: 
     Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. 
ROBIN: 
     That's easy! 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the
     other side he see. 
ROBIN: 
     Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your name? 
ROBIN: 
     'Sir Robin of Camelot'. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your quest? 
ROBIN: 
     To seek the Holy Grail. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is the capital of Assyria? 
     [pause] 
ROBIN: 
     I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     Stop! What... is your name? 
GALAHAD: 
     'Sir Galahad of Camelot'. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your quest? 
GALAHAD: 
     I seek the Grail. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your favourite colour? 
GALAHAD: 
     Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh! 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name? 
ARTHUR: 
     It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is your quest? 
ARTHUR: 
     To seek the Holy Grail. 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? 
ARTHUR: 
     What do you mean? An African or European swallow? 
BRIDGEKEEPER: 
     Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh! 
BEDEVERE: 
     How do know so much about swallows? 
ARTHUR: 
     Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know. 
     [suspenseful music] 
     [music suddenly stops] 
     [intermission] 
     [suspenseful music resumes]