Scene 18



Roger the Shrubber



     [King Arthur music] 
     [clop clop clop] 
     [rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!] 
ARTHUR: 
     Old crone! 
     [rewr!] 
     [music stops] 
     Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery? 
     [dramatic chord] 
OLD CRONE: 
     Who sent you? 
ARTHUR: 
     The Knights Who Say 'Ni'. 
CRONE: 
     Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here. 
ARTHUR: 
     If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say...
     'ni'. 
CRONE: 
     Agh! Do your worst! 
ARTHUR: 
     Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni! 
CRONE: 
     No! Never! No shrubberies! 
ARTHUR: 
     Ni! 
CRONE: 
     [cough] 
BEDEVERE: 
     Nu! 
ARTHUR: 
     No, no, no, no, i-- 
BEDEVERE: 
     Nu! 
ARTHUR: 
     No, it's not that. It's 'ni'. 
BEDEVERE: 
     Nu! 
ARTHUR: 
     No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No. 
BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
ARTHUR: 
     That's it. That's it. You've got it. 
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
CRONE: 
     Ohh! 
BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
ARTHUR: 
     Ni! 
CRONE: 
     Agh! 
BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
ARTHUR: 
     Ni! 
BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
ARTHUR: 
     Ni! 
BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
ROGER THE SHRUBBER: 
     Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman? 
ARTHUR: 
     Erm,... yes. 
ROGER: 
     Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a
     pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies
     are under considerable economic stress at this period in history. 
ARTHUR: 
     Did you say 'shrubberies'? 
ROGER: 
     Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is 'Roger the Shrubber'. I arrange,
     design, and sell shrubberies. 
BEDEVERE: 
     Ni! 
ARTHUR: 
     No! No, no, no! No!