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Ask Doctor Mueller!

Dear Doc,

Last month I sent you a letter about a very famous person who had his asshole removed. I read it in the Post or somewhere. I wondered where the asshole was taken and what was left in the spot. I was serious and I wanted an answer. Also what happened to your old logo?


A Person Who

Wants An Answer

Dearest Person,

I answered your letter but my editor didn't print it. He always vetoes letters about assholes. I think that this famous person's asshole was claimed by adoring fans. As to what is now in the spot... the person must look something like a Barbie Doll.

Here's my letter:

Dear Mr. Editor

Why do you always exclude these kinds of letters? Also, I want my old logo back.


Doctor Mueller

Dear Doctor Mueller,

In Libya there is the Pesta Bubonica (Bubonic Plague) right now. (The disease hasn't been around since the Middle Ages.) What's going on? I live in Naples on the Mediterranean and Libya isn't far from Naples at all. Should I worry about swimming here? Should I worry aobut drinking the water? I ask this question because one morning on the beach I found a dead pig washed up in the tide. It looked pretty bad, like it had carbuncles or things on it. What is the deal here?


Ciro Ianelli


Don't talk about this too much, the tourism in Italy, Greece, Morocco, and Tunisia will be ruined. Wait a minute, isn't there a cure for this? I haven't heard about this? Where did you read it? But then of course how would I hear about it? A lot of medical news is supressed in the states. Look, I wouldn't worry about the plague here in Italy, not until people start dropping around you. Then it's time to evacuate the town.


Doctor Mueller

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