"Well, I can tell the difference between butter and 'I can't believe it's not butter'." Homer Simpson
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?" Homer Simpson
"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer." Homer Simpson
"Can't talk, must eat." Homer Simpson
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." Homer Simpson
"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?" Homer Simpson
"Now I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!" Homer Simpson
"I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!" Homer Simpson
"This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit!" Homer Simpson
"Search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to. I'll start with radio shack." -Lisa Simpson
"The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!" Homer Simpson
"I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are." Homer Simpson
"If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way." Homer Simpson
"I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky." Homer Simpson
"But Marge, maybe for once someone would have called me 'sir' without adding 'you’re making a scene'" Homer Simpson
“I just want to be alone with my thought.””Homer J. Simpson
“I made my bed, now I gotta weasel out of it.” Bart Simpson
Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos! -Homer Simpson
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T! -Homer Simpson, singing, upon finding out he's been admitted to college
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. -Homer Simpson
We must bait our hooks with honesty, or else the happy marriage is the one that got away. -The Reverend on "The Simpsons"
“Trying is the first step toward failure.” Homer J. Simpson
“Weaseling out of things is what separates man from the animals —— except for the weasel.” Homer J. Simpson
