To kill a snake
The Differential Theory of U.S. Armed Forces (Snake Model)
Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO):
a. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
b. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
c. Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Couldn't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and manicure.
d. Ranger: Plays with snake then eats it.
e. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites the SEAL and retreats to safety.
f. Field Artillery: Kills snake, but in process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (Cooks, Mechanics, Clerks, etc....) are awarded Silver Stars.
g. Marine Recon: Follows snake and gets lost.
h. Combat Controllers: Guides the snake elsewhere.
i. Para-Rescue: Wounds the snake in the first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snakes life.
j. Air Force Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a MIG and engages it with missiles. Crew Chief paints snake on airplane.
k. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series FM about how to defeat snake using counter mobility assets. omplains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct octrinal counter-snake operations. (Engineer School tries to hide the fact that M9 ACE proves ineffective against snakes).
l. Special Forces: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, and then trains it to kill other snakes.
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