Older stuff:
"It's supposed to be FUNNY....as in HA HA."
"What's life if you're not livin'?"
"Nocturnal fruitcake!!"--Hollie
{to the tune of Mama's little baby likes short'nin' bread} "Mama's little baby likes quicksand, quicksand..."
"It is peanut butter. I do not care about peanut butter. I do not especially like peanut butter. And when I participate in wild and kinky sex, there will be no peanut butter. There will be the licking-off of fine caviar."
"Good and evil do not exist. There is only us, and we don't exist either. So shut up."
"Does anyone else here suddenly have an inexplicable craving for chocolate covered raisins with those little gummy worms wrapped around them? Or am I the only one, again?"
"Get out of my pants!!"--Joe
"It would have been funny if my stomach hadn't been funny already."
{to the beat of Pretty Fly for a White Guy}"And all the grillies say I'm pretty fly for a hot dog."
"I DID struggle... I couldnt figure out whether I lived in Gaithersburg, Boulder, or La Junta."
"I told you before, I don't have a trenchcoat!!"
"Excuse me, but can I have your kidney? Yeah, your kidney, can I have it?"
"I bet the bite of the geese makes you want to feast on human flesh in the full moon." --Ben
"You can tell a lot about a man from his favorite STD." --Emily
Tym puts his writing talent to good use:
"Oh no!! The bottle's too small for the senator to fit inside!"
"See, here is you, here is the line. You could have just stepped over the line, but no, you took a rocket and went all the way to Mars!"
"My mom is forcing me to get a hair cut this week.... ugh... the blades.... ugh.... so close to my face.... my throat.... ugh...sorry.... PARANOIA!"--Tom
"'Sleeping together' is not the same as 'not sleeping.... together.'"
"I had been living a cold, barren, mosh-free existence until Walla Walla."--Emily
"If you're gonna drive drunk, drive fast. You get home more quickly that way. And fewer people are at risk."--Jos'
"I'll kiss him if you give me 2 pieces of gum."--Chrysantha
{Deb, to Em}"Why am I always, like, the slick little lizard person that's seducing you into having alcohol?"
"‘Get away you little freak'? *sniff* That is what mommy used to say."--Clara
"Can I have some more abuse?"--Sy, to Joe
"I wonder if God ever sang, "Oh, Adam Adam Adam, I made him out of clay..."--Em
"What's up?"
"The dead bird is up."
"What?"
"There's a hurricane coming our way..."
"Is there a hole in my head?"--a bass drummer, after a parade
"Didn't I tell you to stop being intelligent?!"
"Did you know that in 1984 they stopped making pennies out of pure copper and started making them with zinc? Why would they do this? Maybe because, the babies born in 1984 ate a lot and they took away from the government. That means that all the babies would be fat. Wait, I was born in 1984, I am FAT, I AM FAT! Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom and vomit my lunch."
"I've always wanted to be a bouncer... scare the bejeezus out of folks who are just trying to enjoy a concert by telling 'em... 'if you don't move out of my way, I'll impale you on my scary piercings!'"--Robby
......
"A bouncer! What a lovely idea! Scowl at people and bawl, 'Show me some ID!' and then frisk people if they don't comply! Ooooh, what a life!"--Sy
"So much depends on a red wheelbarrow glazed in rainwater beside the white chickens"--William Carlos Williams "Red Wheelbarrow"
"He who stand on toilet is high on pot."--unknown
"Its deja vu all over again." - Yogi Berra
"Remember, if you say anything bad about me, I will come around and blow up your toilet!"--Courtney Love
"He is guilty until proven innocent." - Richard Nixon
"I must insist on being a pessimist"-Green Day
"Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir, ya sounded like somebody else!"--Ace Ventura
"I'm going to live forever, or die in the attempt!"--unknown
"May those who love us love us; and those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts; if He can't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles, so we'll know them by their limping."--old Irish curse type thing
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds"--Albert Einstein
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