Ep. III Scene 5
[It is the church. Billy Bro Rev. Joe is giving a sermon.
Betty is with Freddie and Sunny is in the row
behind them, but she is looking at Beaver, whom Colby is clinging to. Joe is in
the corner and Lucy is making eyes at him but she is sitting next to Blanche
who is trying to keep her many kids in line. Emberly is walking up and down
the aisles selling rocks and Blanche keeps yelling at her. Veronica is in the
front sitting next to Harry. Biff and Milli are near Veronica and they are arguing.
Sam is sleeping on the bench and almost everyone who lives at Beaver's Creek is
in the church, except for those at Farmer Cubbins' farm, home of Tennessee Pride.
Nobody is paying attention to Billy Bro Rev. Joe, and the scene is chaotic.]
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- And then, the chickens will rise up and we will be blessed
with their HOLY goodness…
Emberly- I got pink rocks, crack rocks, yellow rocks, purty rocks…
Blanche- Emberly! I thought I told you to set yo' ass down. PEPTO BISMOL!
Stop eating Alcohol's ear! Bud, what on earth are you doing? Lucy, Lucy,
help me, dammit!
Lucy- I ain't helping you do nothin'.
Blanche- Why you ungrateful little…
Milli- ....But I work at my bar, day and night, and Biff, all you can do is work
your paper wasp nests? I just don't know what to do with you!
Biff- Paper wasps are my hobby, my life…
Betty- Beaver!
[Betty leans over to talk to him just as Sunny is swings her axe. Instead if
hitting Betty, she cuts off some of Freddie's hair.]
Freddie- Now just look at that! I spend so much time putting stuff in my hair
and it just keeps falling off!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- ....And if we do not do as the chickens have said, we will go
to Hell, where there are no chickens…
Colby- Hell is scary. SAVE ME, BEAVER!
Beaver- Betty! Can we go sentiment now?
Blanche- Will somebody stop that damn Sam from snoring?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- ....the chickens, they are the TRUE gods.
Harry- But the Deftones are the true gods!
Veronica- Aw, he so cute.
Emberly- And see now this rock right here, will this be one that I found when
I was going to the latrine, and I swear it moved!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Maybelle, may the chickens rest her soul…
[Through the racket, Johnny comes in. His hair is mussed and he has a
wild look in his eyes.]
Lucy- Daddy!
Emberly- Dead man from closet!
Blanche- AAH! Bitch, you get back in the closet.
Johnny- No! I refuse! I have been shunned in that closet, and there are no
more dandelions in there to play with!
Veronica- Its Johnny! Back from the dead!
Colby- There's Johnny!
Beaver- Hee, you said it funny.
Betty- Who Johnny?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- See, this is another example of the chickens' mercy!
They have allowed Johnny to come back…
[Blanche loads her bazooka.]
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Come up to the pulpit, son, so that we may see you.
[Johnny starts walking towards the pulpit and Blanche points her bazooka at it.]
Betty- Beaver, my love!
[She stands up and starts to walk to Beaver, but in order to get to him she
will have to walk by the pulpit. So Sunny drops her axe and picks up a gun so
that she can finally finish her enemy.]
Man- My rock!
[He grabs it from Emberly's supply and heads for the side entrance,
which means that he too will have to go by the pulpit. Emberly takes out her
shotgun and takes aim.]
Milli- That's it, Biff! I am shootin' down the nest in the rafters!
[Pulls out a handgun and aims for the nest in the ceiling.]
[Sy and Sammie run in.]
Sy- Is Pepper Annie here yet?
Sammie- Sam! SWORN EN-EM-Y BROTHER!
[Takes out a rifle, and from the angle she is aiming somewhat by the pulpit.]
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- This is Johnny…
[The doors fly open and Pepper Annie comes running through.]
Pepper Annie- DIE, REVEREND FROM HELL!
[She shoots at Billy Bro Rev. Joe. Milli, who was startled at the opening
accidentally shoots right at Billy Bro Rev. Joe's holy pulpit. Blanche shoots
at Johnny, Emberly shoots at the man, Sammie shoots at Sam and Sunny shoots
at Beaver.]
Veronica- [halfheartedly] Oh no.
[Billy Bro Rev. Joe falls over, with a great blood stain on his chest.
Everyone else stops to look at Billy Bro Rev. Joe, who is
sprawled over the altar. Veronica, kneels over him very carefully so she doesn't
get blood on herself. She then very dramatically sprawls over him, pretending to
weep. Pepper Annie drops her gun and falls down. Blanche hands her
bazooka to one her kids and goes towards Veronica. Sammie shoves her gun in
her pants and also goes towards the body, as does Emberly who put her gun in
her rocks box. Milli puts her hand on his neck. Sunny just picks up her axe and
leaves.]
Milli- He's dead!
Biff- But who killed him?
Meanwhile, back at Farmer Cubbins'…
Sally Joan- C'mon, move! We are gonna miss it!
WHO KILLED BILLY BRO REV. JOE?
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