Ep. I Scene 4
[It is at the mud wrestling competition: a large clearing with a pit of mud in it. Nobody is there yet because it’s early. Veronica walks on with Billy Bro Rev. Joe. Her hair is in a bun and she is wearing a nice dress. She actually looks decent, which is better then he does. He is wearing a stained shirt and his pants have holes in them. He munches on a turkey leg as they talk.]
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Damn woman! Why the hell do you always have to look like crap! You never look good! And right now I am embarrassed to know that you are my wife! Why the hell can’t you ever look presentable for once!
Veronica- Billy Bro Rev. Joe! Can’t you stop yelling at me for once!?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- I’ll stop yelling at you when you shape up, bitch!
Veronica- I’m already better then you'll ever be, whore!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- You talking to me, *woman*?
Veronica- Do you see any other motherf***ers that I could be talking to?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- You calling me a motherf***er?!
Veronica- Sure, that's the only thing that you screw! Besides chickens!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- That's 'cause my wife is so ugly, I can’t stand to look
at her, much less screw her!
Veronica- Or is it because your dick is so small it could only fit in a chicken!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- You have never even seen my dick!
Veronica- That's 'cause there isn’t one!!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Shut the f***up! You too stupid to know what the f*** you sayin'!
Veronica- No, Billy Bro Rev. Joe, I ain't like you, I got a brain!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- I never would have guessed.
Veronica- Dammit, I still don’t see why we have to be married.
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Because I need a bitch, and I feel sorry for you. Ain't like you could get any other guys anyway.
Veronica- Do you KNOW how many men would like to bed with a nice girl like me?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Two?
[Veronica takes his turkey leg and hits him over the head with it. Billy Bro Rev. Joe kicks her. They fight until Sy and Jim come in sight. They are followed by Blanche, who has a bundle of blankets, it is her child but you never see it. The child is wailing.]
Blanche- Shut up, Alcohol! I don’t want to hear none a yo' whinin'!
Sy- Shi', I hope my son ain't nothin' like yo's.
Jim- A son! What! You pregnant?! Why the hell didn’t you tell me about this before!?!!
Sy- I ain't pregnant!
Jim- Yes you are!
Sy- What bitch! Are you saying that I am fat!
Jim- No, I am saying that you are pregnant.
Sy- Are you drunk?
Jim- You said that you hoped that your son…
Sy- You stupid, I was talking 'bout the future.
Jim- You can read the future! Wow, I married a psycho, everyone!
Sy- Psychic, not psycho, you dork!
Jim- No, I meant a psycho.
Sy- Bitch.
Jim- Ho'.
Sy- Only yours.
Jim- Aw.
Veronica- [cuts into the conversation] When is the actual wrestling supposed to start?
Sy- Right now.
[A whole bunch of wrestlers come into the pit and start mud wrestling. Pepper Annie comes in too. She can’t make it over the wall to get into the pit.]
Pepper Annie- Help me! I need to get into the pit!
Veronica- Why can’t you? Last night you were in great shape!
Pepper Annie- I stayed up all night practicing, and now I can’t stay awake!
Veronica- I can’t help you Pep! It’s against the rules. Try harder!
Pepper Annie- Screw the rules! Help me, dammit!
Veronica- Sorry, I can’t!!
[She keep on trying during the whole conversation.]
Sy- How be you Billy Bro Rev. Joe? Gonna use this for your sermons?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- I use everything for my sermons.
Sy- Good, good. Just mention how lovely I look!
Blanche- [to baby] Shut up!
Sy- Now Blanche, that is no way to treat a child.
Veronica- I only wish that I could have a child, but somebody won’t get out
of the chicken yard.
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- I told you not to tell anyone bitch!
Sy- Tell us what!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Do you tell everyone all of our secrets?
Veronica- What, like the fact that this is the first time that we have spoken
in days?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Have you no respect for your man?
Blanche- [to baby] Dammit, Alcohol, don’t make me…
Veronica- Really? A man, is that what you call yourself?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Well, that's what you look like!
Jim- Say now, Veronica looks good, better then my Sy.
Sy- Now what you be sayin' about me?
Jim- I's sayin' that you's ugly compared to Veronica!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Veronica looks like shi'!
Veronica- Like the stuff that is spilled all over your clothes. That is what happens when you screw chickens! Guano stains.
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- [indignant but looking worried] I don’t have guano on me!
[Billy Bro Rev. Joe goes to wash up. Sy and Jim continue to argue. Harry comes in and walks up to Veronica.]
Harry- Hey.
Veronica- Hey, I'm Veronica.
Harry- Right, I'm Harry. Have I seen you at the Moldy Lizard?
Veronica- I work there. I'm a barmaid.
Harry- The one with the biggest tits.
Veronica- Aw, you so sweet!
Harry- Will you give me a blowjob?
Veronica- Well, you are the first person that has ever asked…
[Billy Bro Rev. Joe comes back. He shoves Harry away. Harry leaves.}
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- [yelling at Veronica] Dammit, woman! Are you cheating on me?
Veronica- You's cheatin' on me with them chickens!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Don’t you talk back to me!
Jim- That is right! No woman should talk back to her man.
Sy- Yeah, she should punch him instead. [punches Jim to prove point. Jim doubles over in pain.]
Blanche- [yelling, obviously angry, high] That's it, you crying motherf***er!
[Blanche throws the baby. It hits Jim and he yells at Sy. They get down in the mud-wrestling pit and start wrestling. Everyone joins in on the wrestling, while the original wrestlers get out. Finally, Pepper Annie gets over the wall and falls into the pit, crushing them all.]
Pepper Annie- At last, I can sleep.
Announcer- And the winner of the mud wrestling competition is… Pepper Annie!
Pepper Annie- Yeah!
[They all argue as Pepper Annie gets a necklace of flowers placed around her head, and she goes to sleep in the mud pit.]
END OF EPISODE ONE
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