I personally don't believe in it at the start. Why? Because does words on your screen mean a thing? I meant how do you know the words you see is the real words that comes from a person's heart? I can just go in and tell you i love you and say the sweetest thing without meaning a thing. These are empty words and promises. So do you think you should love me for my empty promises?
But sometimes the heart goes weak and the mind get carried away. That's when i became the victim of love. Just when i let go of my heart for a minute. Just when i let emotion take control. Just when words on the screen starting to make sense. And that was it, trapped inside a whirlpool of words. How can you resist the darnest words she said to you? How can you not love her when the words you wanna hear are spoken? Sometimes you let your emotion get carried away and you are lost in her "heart-shaped box", you are blinded by "love" and empty promises become reality. Sometimes the heart stopped fighting because you are tired of "chasing Amy", just like a soldier tired of fighting. Sometimes you just wanna lay down and rest because you are tired of fighting and hoping the war is over. My heart stopped fighting when she came into my life. I though the battle of loneliness was over and time to go home but the battle was fought while i closed my eyes to rest. I must admit, my first internet love was all empty promises. For a moment there, i though that was it, i found her, now i can just close my eyes and sleep within her open arms. How wrong i was, the victim of the heart-break world. Lost within anger more than sadness. Anger towards myself, anger towards her and anger towards this world. How can a strong heart and a mischievous mind like mine be the victim of empty promises? I still do not know but i blamed my heart for closing its eyes.
"Once bitten twice shy", i know what it meant but i just can't follow it. I think i'm scared of been lonely, too scared to live on my own. Maybe the wound from the first was in its process of healing and then someone came along and helped me to lick that wound. Just when the heart is at its weakest point, she came and swept me away. What really won my heart wasn't words on the screen but what was done in reality (I called the internet my fantasy, i can be who i want and i can do anything that i can't do in reality). The way she won my heart was through my telephone line and her pen to paper. First i got a lovely letter saying all the sweetest thing, i don't know at that point if i was totally in love. Then one day out of the blue, she called me. The sweetest voice i have ever heard, gentle and a voice so much like a little child where you would stopped and say "ohhhhhh". That was how i felt when i first heard her, surprised and enchanted. Well those are only words, not much difference from what you see on the screen, but how could that have won my heart? It's not all what was said but it was what was done. She called me up almost everyday for the first few weeks, and what it is, was the phone bills she got. Totaling at a very high rate, that when i know she trully loved me. Who would spent hundred of dollars just to play around with my heart? Well that telecommunication short lived, but words on the screen started to have more meanings to it. She lost her privilege of her computer and the phone because she loved me. Her grandma took away those from her but we lived through the internet viva my computer and her school computers. From that point in time, words on the screen started to make sense and it became reality.
Now i'm in love with every words that came from her. I'm in love with my computer as some would put it. The hardest thing about love on the net is distance. Sometimes i dare not love for my heart is too fragile to have someone i love been away from me, i needed her beside me. Sometimes i wake up looking lost around my room wondering why is it so cold. Sometimes i laid in bed shaking from the absence of her warmth. Sometimes i laid in bed thinking what it would be like to have her sleeping next to me. Sometimes i touch my lips thinking what it would feel like to have her kissing it. Sometimes i wake up in cold sweat fearing that i will never get to see her. Sometimes i look up into the sky wondering where she is and what she is doing at the moment. The worse of all, waking up finding she's not there. I lived in trust, trusting that her heart will be faithful for me till the end of time, trusting that the dreams we shared will one day come true.