Now why in the world would you stop me from drinking? People tell me this, people tell me that but do they know why i drink? Maybe a few drinks won't hurt you but no, i like to drink myself silly, intoxicate myself, knock myself out of consciousness. So does that make me an alcoholic?

Back in high school when i was an 11th grader, my english teacher said to me "I can see you in a few years time under the bridge with a brown paper bag wrapped around a bottle". Was this the indication or turning point of my life? i don't know but during that year, i was 16 at the time, lost in my Southern Comfort, tasting the sweetness out of it instead of tasting bitterness like everyone else. It wasn't my first time that i drank, the first was when i was 4 years old, passed out cold during someone's wedding party. Age of 17, the year to forget, i got more drunk than i could count my fingers and toes. One after another, week after week, the sweet taste of my bourbon mixed in coke, how good it tasted.

Age of 22 now, i still drink occasionally. I think maturity got a hold of me, i don't passed out anymore but some days are worse than the others. But i still don't really have a good reason to drink. Why do i drink then? Well i go out every weekend and i hang around with a bunch of guys who drink their beer like water. Maybe it could be peer group pressure but i don't know. But what make drinking amazing is that i'm myself, i always wanted to be this mighty warrior who isn't shy to talk to other people and to joke around, i'm not afraid of what i'm saying. When i don't drink, i can hear my voice, it scares me sometime. I'm afraid of listening to my own voice, maybe i don't have a high self esteem.

What i see in a bottle is my true self but it can be ugly sometimes. Some days i'm running around like a chook on fire. Can't keep his mouth shut, always trying to be funny but usually making a fool out of myself. But i like it, why? I like to see people laugh, see the funny side of me, the side that i want people to know me for. Guess you could say i want to be an entertainer but not an entertain. I'm not afraid of the thing i speak, not afraid to make mistakes, not afraid to share my thoughts and feelings, and most of all, not afraid to speak out. But some days can be rather forgettable. Sometimes i feel like crying, to be hurt, to release all the pains inside, and all these lead to aggression. Alcohol bring those out of me, the pains that i like to keep to myself because do you ever have this feeling that you're the only one that feels that way? Sometimes i feel like i'm the only one that could understand what is going through with me so feelings are kept inside one of the chambers in my heart. Alcohol releases my pains inside there, all frustrations and angers are drawn from one single punch to a wall or a tree near by. But sometimes aggression doesn't come with the package because you got someone there with you. I once was crying to myself, walked off from everyone else and just sit there in the dark and cry to myself. One of my friends found me and he asked me "what's wrong? you can tell me". First i hesitate because i didn't think he would understand. Then all emotions just let go and it all came out, all the pains that i kept inside and tried to hold all came out like pouring rain. It felt good, it felt really good. All the pains that was kept inside for so long suddenly found its path and escaped from the inside.

Sometimes reality can be a bit too much, too much for you to handle or just too much all at once. I like to escape from reality but who doesn't? People tell me "Why do you insist on drinking when you're going to wake up and it's still there?" But wouldn't you sometime want to just escape even if it's just for a moment in time? I understand the junkies perfectly, a 10 minutes high is worth all the pains one can take. Sometimes when things are too much, it's worth to escape from it all. Let's just say a soldier got his legs blown off, wouldn't he like to escape from it all even if it's meant for a minute in time? And when he wake up, the pain is still there, the battle scar is still there but wasn't it worth all that just to escape the worse of it all? There are pains but there are also stronger pains, one is always willing to escape the worse even just for a moment in time.

What is wrong to escape from it all? What is wrong about easing one's pain? What is so bad about intoxication?