Sometimes I would lay back and stare at my ceiling. When you really focus on it deep and hard, it became so big and vast. My life is a tiny spot within that vast space. Searching to stand out from the other spots. Trying to define what my life is all about. The problem with me is I tend to look too much about the future, about tomorrow. Asking myself how am I going to fit in society, how am I able to get out of the way I lived? What would the future be like for me? I look forward into plans I set out, plans from my friends about where we're going to go and party next. I'm excited about where we're going tonight for my friend's birthday. But what about the past?
When I was 3, had my first taste of wine. Got drunk on about 2 glasses and never remember anything after that.
When I was 4, had my first taste of love. Dated the girl next door. The only memories I get from that are all summon to a day of love. I remembered dating her, I remembered holding her hand, I kissed her, I even vowed to marry her. But I don't remember her name, her face or the things we talked about. It seems like it only happened within a day, but in a matter of fact, it was a year or so.
When I was 9, my father passed away. My first encounter with death. How bitter that tasted and how deeply it scarred me? I have seen death way before that day but never one that is ever close.
Had my work experience at the age of 14. Nervous of making mistakes. Scared of society and its working environment. But I lasted through.
When I was 17, had my first hit. It felt nothing but I choked on the smoke. I came back for more, had 2 more cones of leaves after that. It didn't make me feel high, it didn't make me feel hungry, absolutely nothing.
Had my first heartache at the age of 22. Still searching my way out of it and I don't know how long will her memories remains.
Sometimes it seem like I have seen too much of life, too much and too fast. The world changes in a rapid pace and so is my life. Sometimes I felt like I have seen everything of life. I have seen love, society, heartbreaks, rebellion and even death itself. Sometimes I felt like I'm a step ahead of time. How about the pasts? How quickly the pasts died but still lingered? Have I seen everything there is to see of life? I believed I have for I have tasted everything, happiness, sorrows, and everything that fits in one of those. Am I moving too fast into the future and forgetting my past? How about the present, is there a present?  Do we have to balance the past with the future to be in the present? I believe we all are too ahead of time for we have seen far more than what the journey of our life was going to set for us.
Life flashes across our eyes with every blink but what if we keep it open forever?