what causes people to inflict pain on others...?

i really don't know right now... I'm in love. I love him so much that it's killing me inside because I feel like he has nothing but spite for me... and that's the opposite of what I want.

I just want to take a lightening bolt and strike us both into realizing what we're doing to each other. There's so much anger and we're hurling it back at one another. I want to scream "enough!"... we love each other, why are we doing this? I feel like we both just need to breathe... exhale. When I'm around him and this negative shit isn't there, I feel so comfortable and at peace... I just stare and stare at him and wonder how I got so lucky... and I still don't understand.

But lately it seems like I'm this huge burdon on him that only causes him pain...and he lashes out on me... and I lash out at him... and the cycle conitnues. I just wish I could let him step inside my head and see how it's killing me that he doesn't want to be around me... Ever since I've met him, he was just better than ice cream to me. I still have the picture from the first night we got together... I remember how happy we were. Before life started bearing down on us.

I realize that I'm just causing him stress and he's doing the same to me. I just want to work together, why is that so hard? To realize that everthing is spinning out of control and rely on each other..? I want to be one of the reasons that he's happy in spite of everything... because at times he's been mine.