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Proverbs 24:
3 Through wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
4 By knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches.
5 A wise man is strong,
Yes, a man of knowledge increases strength;
6 For by wise counsel
you will wage your own war,
And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.
27 Prepare your outside work,
Make it fit for yourself in the field;
And afterward build your house.

Tears that fell like rain
Streamed down from my heart
Colors turned to gray
Emptiness led the way
Until I fell apart

You came to save me
To show me that

You're just a prayer away
No matter where I am
I know in my heart
You're never too far
WHen I'm losing my way
You're just a prayer away
My strength is in my faith
I'm never alone
I'm never afraid
Cause You're just a prayer away

When I close my eyes
Lord, I call Your name
And the dark subsides
Nothing can take the place
Of the peace I find

You came to save me
To show me that

Repeat chorus

Whenever I need to find You
I just fall on my knees
In You I find the strength that I need
To live , to believe

(Repeat chorus)


Life is in cycles, we need to break the cycle
of defeat or allowing violence
in our own lives, in order to grow within
To understand life, it's full meaning.

We cannot live in defeat or listen to what
the negative voices have told you in our past.
We need to set ourselves free of those 'mindsets'
to be all we were created to be.

I loved men but those who could not even
show me love back in emotions or words,
or even in most any right way for me,
they lived for themselves first!
Then my feelings did not matter,
it was about control and manipulation,
it became a cycle of violence;
I had allowed it in my life for a very long time!

I had a mentality¸where I always ready to love,
forgive, care for, and give my all,
asking nothing or far less for ‘myself’,
I looked beyond my partner's fault,
blamed his past for making him do what he did to me.

Nobody understands him as I do or "so I thought",
and that he needs to be loved regardless of his ways,
this mentality to mother, love and care for a partner,
was only to fill a need within me,
I was blinded in my heart to true love,
or to healthy relationships in life.

Knowing how to be loved back is a necessity.
I have learned since we are what we allow.
Sadly enough we do not treat ourselves right.
Love is not found in things, or possessions,
love is found in deeds filled with genuine words of love
Ones which fill an inner need; you grow in them!

Upon my brokenness, I learned to walk, step by step, slowly.
I remained mentally challenged, spiritually handicapped as well
unable to act upon what I knew to be right or wrong.

Survival became my immediate choice,
when I felt so destroyed within,
I had to learn much and learn to love myself,
to be able to act upon what I knew; new,
By allowing myself only good was a necessity!

To trample on anyone in need, is so wrong,
And yes even godly people can do that,
even leaders unknowingly crush you under guilt.
Instead of helping us see a source of light or hope,
they inspire negativity and loss of self worth.
They even re-enforce a negative spirit
so that you remain paralized, within is continual grief!

God will bring you to those who will love you
and those who accept you just as your are,
even build you up gently as He did for me
Some were doctors, and with others in places
I didn't expect to feel a sense of normality again!

It is a treacherous path when we are helpless and vulnerable
fragile to receive even more inflictions of pain,
When exposed to wrongful teaching or influences.

Those in the world needing Jesus
will come by your path
you are still used for God
until God can bring you to the next level
in the cycle of your life, to climb back to safety.

I learned this through my own personal experiences
wasted many years without proper counselling
living in towns with little to no help
until one day I was brought to a breaking point and
received help finally one day after being told to go
to many different forms of so called self help people!

I fought to get my life back, to gain control
to learn the true meaning of life and good in this world
I now do not allow anyone to remove my joy or peace
by allowing God to bring me to His sources of good
where professionals He picked for me were placed upon my path.

I grow daily toward my normal self so to speak,
to finding my limits and boundaries
to not allowing others to dictate my life
to enjoy what life is all about, simplicity and freedom
to finally be me and anyless less will not do...

So learn from me those who feel destroyed or in pieces,tired to go on living,
that God is just a prayer away, He wants you to know the fullness of life
and all it's meaning, just how valuable you are to society and others
but more so to learn to accept your failures, to get up again and again
until you find the way to keep on going foward, to keep on going
You can know the way to peace finally and a rest for your soul here on this earth!

I am writing now a book on my experiences
where the paths led me to more pain
or to differentiate the ones which led to a safe,
healthy and wise way of living on this planet.
Thanks to God who is just a prayer away
He is indeed LOVE personified when we come to know Him!

Meaning of the word differentiate:
dif·fer·en·ti·ate    [dif-uh-ren-shee-eyt]
Show IPA verb, dif·fer·en·ti·at·ed, dif·fer·en·ti·at·ing.
verb (used with object)
1. to form or mark differently from other such things; distinguish.
2. to change; alter.
3. to perceive the difference in or between.
4. to make different by modification, as a biological species.

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