Starring: Don Cheadle, Gary Sinise, Tim Robbins, Jerry O'Connel, Connie Nielson

Rated: PG for Some Violence, Explosions

        Plot: 4 Astronauts are sent to mars, it takes 6 months to get there. After settling down in mars for half a year, the team is struck by a violent 'Sand-Twister' and they get dismantled. A rescue team is sent out to mars to rescue one member they believe may have survived. While rescuing the one man, they stumble upon a big secret. ooooh!

        My Take: You know, I tried to ignore all the negative reviews about this movie while i walked in AMC 24 last night. I thought to myself "Critics don't like any movies these days unless its 3 hours and is considered 'art'". I thought that maybe this is the kind of movie i needed, pitch black was a good sci-fi flick, but it was lacking that star power that this film had. I mean, you've got Don Cheadle, Gary Sinise, Tim Robbins, can this movie actually go bad with these actors in it? yes.

so me and qureshi, along with some friends from school have been hyping this movie up a whole shitload, and even though all the big sites were trashing it, the papers were trashing it, that didn't stop us from going to see it. what went wrong with it? Well for most critics, they were all picking at the script, for me, the ending basically ripped me a new asshole, put salt in it, and made a cat lick it out, that's how bad it was.

        The story doesn't make much sense either tho, but I guess your not supposed to question that, considering this is just another hollywood bomb. Let's go out and make a kickass trailer, which shows the ENDING in it, and get all the people to come watch it and puke. I just can't stand this shit. Why would 4 people go to mars to rescue 1 person!!?? I mean it takes 6 months to get there, for all we know this person could have died when the other 3 did. I find it hard this person left alone on a planet he has no knowledge on, actually survived. I mean shit, no girls, no tv. What did this sonofabitch do all day? I don't know, but here is a little example of what my day on mars would be, by myself.

2:00 pm - wake up

2:05 PM - Masturbate

2:12 pm - Go back to sleep

5:36 PM - Wake up

5:42 PM - Masturbate

5:49 PM - eat plants that I grew

5:50 PM - sit and draw pictures in the sand

11:04 PM - Masturbate

11:11 PM - eat my toes

11:59 PM - Sleep

        I would repeat this procedure daily for 6 months, as you can see, after about 3 days, I would somehow try to kill myself. Whether it be jumping off some mars mountain, or poking a hole in my suit.

        Back to the movie. The trailer does give away most of the movie. i mean you can tell who lives, who dies, what happens at the end. OH! The ending, man time to pick at that shit. Ok, so here we are, 1 hour and 40 minutes into the movie, and our heroes (?) find a way to open a big head on mars. SO they open it up, go in, and stumble upon some CHEESEBALL animated alien, that looks one of the ants from the movie, ANTZ. Oh lord, this alien actually draws a tear at one point which sent me and the sold out theater laughing our asses off. Then, the astronauts AND the Alien hold hands, another scene which sent the theater laughing again. The only scene that made the crowd go wild and jeer was when the poor guy got his limbs torn off in the sand twister.

        Another reason why the end was so trashy, is that is was so disneyesque it made me puke. The music was pure disney, the animation was so disney, fuck, i felt like i was in epcot center on the ride "It's a small world".

        So all in all, don't see this movie unless you can sneak into it. word.

RATING: * out of *****

Running Time: 1 hr 49 mins