~chapter twenty-seven: heaven
"A bottle of Chardonney, please," Brian ordered. "And two glasses." The bartender set the tall, slim bottle and two chilled wine glasses in front of Brian, and took the crumpled up $50 dollar bill. He waited for his change, tipped the bartender, and left. His parents had headed to bed. Various other members of the Backstreet entourage were in the bar. Tour crew, dancers, band, Boys. Everybody was dancing, drinking or sleeping in the hotel. The limo with Nick, Rachel, Dana and AJ's mom had yet to return, they were running to the drugstore so Rachel could pick up some asperin. It was close to two am, but Brian didn't think it would be too hard to find a twenty-four hour drugstore. He jabbed the elevator button with one finger, and watched it light up. The post party they'd attended hadn't disbanded until just past one, and traffic outside the posh building had been tight.
The elevator whirred to life, humming a warm, almost comforting sound. The elevator, with it's bright lights and suspicious mirrors, seemed so... sterile. A strange way to lable it, but if you think about it, everything in elevators seems so clean and hospital-like. They have this uncontaminated aura. Maybe it was the beer he'd had earlier, or maybe it was being tired, but Brian was in a strange mood. He was examining every detail of everything around him. Including the sterile elevator.
++ten minutes later++
Dana slid her key into the door, and pushed it open gently. She wasn't sure if Brian would be asleep or not. He'd looked pretty tired. She tip toed into the room, and spotted the empty bed and the open french doors leading to the balcony. Tossing her bag of Cherry Twizzlers on the desk, she flicked on a lamp. "Baby?" she called quietly.
"Yeah?"
His voice echoed back to her faintly, and she walked over to the doors and spotted him sitting on the cool cement of the balcony, just staring into the pitch black sky. "Don't you think you should come inside? You'll get your tux dirty."
He didn't do anything, only swished the wine around in the glass and raised it to his lips.
She watched his silhouette for a few seconds. "What's wrong?" Dana asked finally. Brian didn't say anything, and she strolled calmly out to the balcony and sat down beside him.
"You'll get your dress dirty," Brian pointed out methodically.
"Baby?" she pressed. "Are you not feeling okay?"
Brian shrugged. "Just tired," he responded quietly. He reached over and poured her a glass of wine.
"Are you sure? You're not acting like yourself." She took a sip, leaving a lipstick print on the smooth, clear glass. He made a pointless, half nod, half shrug gesture. It did nothing to answer her question. "What's the matter?"
He turned to look at her for the first time since she joined him in the cool early morning air. Her hair was slightly dishevelled. "We've worked so hard," he began quietly. "So hard. And we have nothing to show for it." He had a perterbed look on his face. "We should have just gone to that concert. We wouldn't have missed anything." He gulped a mouthful of wine down.
"Is that why you're sulking?" Dana scoffed, and took a small sip of wine.
He raised an eyebrow dryly.
"Look at everything you have. A successful band, parents who love you, friends who love you. You love doing what you do, you're good at it. You don't need some stupid award to prove your efforts." Dana put her hands on his cheeks and looked straight into his eyes. "If you're pouting because a legend beat you, then you need some help. The guy is infamous... he was expected to win. Yeah, it would have been amazing if you would have won, but it didn't work out that way. And that's totally all right."
"I suppose," Brian allowed, then sipped some more wine.
"You damn well better suppose so," she said indignantly. "I can't believe you're acting like this. Where's my boyfriend that's so much fun? The one who has a psycho dog, and who makes me laugh, and who is such a good singer," she got a playfully reminiscent look in her eyes, "And who knows just how to talk sweet, and who can give the best neck rubs in the world, and who has these gorgeous eyes that are just so delectable, whose kisses can make me melt, and-"
Brian clamped his hand over her mouth, and smiled at her. "Enough sucking up," he whispered. "I get the point, brownnoser." Dana's eyes twinkled at him. Brian very slowly brought his lips to hers, kissing her ever so slightly, ever so gently. His hand searched out hers, and he intertwined their fingers while placing small, amourus kisses on her lips, cheeks, forehead, eyelids. Any surface that could be found was kissed tenderly. There was no logic to the way he was kissing her, and he couldn't establish a motive for the legions of kisses that were reaching her body. It wasn't like he was trying to seduce her, or achieve a night of passion; whatever happened between them would happen on it's own sweet time, in it's own sweet way. For now he just wanted to be there, and kiss her over and over again. It was a beautiful remedy for his lonesome and disappointed feelings of a few minutes earlier.
Dana eased back from him. She was met with a questioning gaze. "I'm gonna get out of this dress," she informed him. That was her intention, but Brian didn't remove his arms from their position, securely wrapped around her body. He didn't stop the gentle kisses. At length, Dana jokingly whispered, "What do you want?!"
"You," he murmured in all seriousness, trailing his hand through her hair and nibbling on her earlobe.
Her eyes widened, not expecting him to be so forward. Dana swallowed, forced a laugh, and kissed him lightly. "I'm going to change."
++the next morning++
"I mean, what else was I supposed to do?" Dana stirred her coffee. "It totally caught me off guard and I just... froze."
Kristen took a few minutes to roll the information around in her brain.
"I don't think Brian realized anything, but I'm freaked out now." The aromatic coffee had scented the whole table. The low din of the restaurant was just enough so that the girls could talk without being evesdropped on. "Should I... you know..." she made a gesture with her hands, and coughed uncomfortably.
"I think you think too much. He was just expressing an interest in you, and that's normal. After all, you guys are going out. It's not like you'd be doing anything people don't expect you to do."
"So what, you think everyone thinks we're sleeping together?"
Kristen laughed. "No, I just think that if you were sleeping together, no one would be surprised. He's twenty-five and you're twenty. The reality is that when people reach that age they usually aren't virgins, and you two are no exception. If you love him, go for it, it's nothing new."
"Yeah, but there's a slight problem." Dana smiled weakly. Kristen arched an eyebrow and nodded for her to continue. "See, though I may not be a virgin, I've never exactly been, uh, sober." The volume of her voice had lowered until it was just barely audible.
Kristen's jaw dropped, and she tried to cover it up by faking a yawn. "Does Brian know?"
"Sort of."
She didn't know what to say. Dana was obviously worried about it, but this wasn't exactly your run of the mill advice giving session.
"Well, I've been sober..."
"Then?" Kristen smiled, relieved. "What's the-"
"Twice," Dana finished, then blushed, a bit ashamed. "And that was like, three years ago." The girls were silent. Dana, because she was embarrased going to Kristen for help, Kristen because she had no idea what to say. "I don't remember how to act, or what to do and say. What if I'm not, you know, 'good enough'. "
"That's silly," she declared. "He wouldn't think that."
"He might."
"No way. Brian's not like that, he wouldn't judge you on that." Kristen reached across the table and grabbed Dana's hand reassuringly. "Listen, it's normal for you to be scared, I know I would be, but if you want to then go ahead. I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't, because it doesn't work like that. You're a grown woman and you know you're limits. Besides," Kristen added with a knowing grin. "What's to say that you won't knock his socks off?"
Dana laughed, and looked at the formica table. "Yeah, I guess."
"Just don't worry about it, okay? If it's gonna happen, then... it'll happen. If Brian knows then he'll understand if you don't want to, and if he's any kind of guy then he'll wait." Kristen pushed her chair back. "I'm gonna go upstairs, get Kevin up."
Dana nodded. "Um, do you mind, uh, not mentioning this to Kevin... or anyone, for that matter?"
"Of course," Kristen agreed sweetly. "Remember what I said, just let it happen."
"Thanks Kristen."
"No problem."
Dana folded her hands in her lap, and counted the crumbs on her plate. It'd taken her almost an hour to work up the nerve to ask Kristen to go out for coffee, and another half-hour of idle chatter before Dana had actually breached the subject. Kristen seemed like the logical one to ask. Dana licked her finger, and picked up the left-over cinnamon bun crumbs. She popped them into her mouth. Her nailpolish from the previous night still sparkled romantically.
"Mind if I join you?" Brian's dad smiled kindly. "There's no familiar faces in the restaurant but you, and I thought maybe we could get to know each other a bit better."
"By all means," Dana said graciously. She could tell that Brian got his quiet side from Harold.
"Thanks," he told her. A waitress bustled over, and took the order for two eggs, easy over, bacon, and white toast. "With a coffee," he added.
"How long are you staying?" she asked.
"I think we fly out tommorow around supper time."
"Oh, you're not staying for very long then?"
He accepted the coffee mug from the waitress. "No, just under two days. I have to get back to work, and Jackie didn't want to miss a wedding she was invited to. One of her friends invited us, her son is getting married. Actually Brian knows him too... has he ever mentioned a Trevor to you?"
"Um, I don't think so," Dana shook her head.
"Well, anyways, Brian's known Trevor, for something like ten years and Trevor's getting married this Friday."
"Brian's not going?"
"No, it's a night wedding and they have a concert so he can't."
She watched as he poured the sugar and creme in the coffee. "Double creme, one sugar," she murmured.
Harry looked up. "Pardon me?"
"You use two cremes and one sugar..." Dana laughed. "That's the same thing I use in my coffee."
He laughed. "We have a coffee bond," he chuckled. "I knew there was something familiar about you."
"That's it, I'm dumping Brian, you're my soulmate," she teased.
"What's this about dumping me?" Brian asked accusingly. "Dad, what have I told you about stealing my girlfriends? Big no-no." He kissed the top of Dana's head. "Morning," he whispered subtly, then stood up again. "How long have you two been up?"
"Since about ten."
"Half an hour," Harold said.
"Five minutes," Brian said proudly. "I had a nice, deep sleep, but I was all alone when I got up." He frowned teasingly. "And now I found out you left me for my father."
They both laughed. "Yeah, I like older men," Dana teased, and slid her chair closer to Harry.
++later++
Dana studied the paper, then wrote a few more notes. She sighed, checked her watch, and resumed reading her book and taking notes. She was bored. She twirled the pen between her fingers, doodled a lopsided flower, and checked her watch again. Thirteen seconds had passed. She sighed again. Dana crumpled up the top sheet of paper, and stared at the blank one. It had blueish-green lines, all waiting to be filled with whatever she felt like writing.
At the top of the page, next to the margin, Dana carefully wrote 'Brian'. Just looking at the name made her smile wistfully. She wrote it again, in her own semi-messy scribble, 'Brian Littrell'. It made her laugh, considering that seven months ago she was watching the MTV VMA's, and there was Brian, puffing out his cheeks when Chris Rock wondered about the Bad Backstreet Boy. And there she was, in her humble apartment, wrapped in an oversize quilt, muching her favorite Mike & Ike's, seated next to her best friend; completely oblivious that the man on the television screen in front of her would be the one to come and sweep her off her feet, and take her on a whirlwind path of self discovery.
There was nothing better than Brian. Nothing better than curling up in his arms and feeling secure. Nothing could beat watching him on stage, and knowing that each time he rubbed his nose he was thinking of her. It was fresh in her mind, right before the first concert he'd sat her down and said with a beaming grin, "Everytime I rub my nose it means I'm thinking of you, and I'm singing for you. Even though there might be a bajillion other people in the world seeing me rub my nose, you're the only one it's meant for because you're the only one who's ever taken the time to know me. And no matter what changes between us, nothing can change that fact." And then, with serious eyes that laughed just beyond the surface, he'd kissed her softly and said, "Got it?"
And she nodded, and watching that show that night, it was insane the number of times Brian rubbed his nose. Dana had taken the time to count to thirty seven, and then she had decided that he thought of her a whole lot. Or else there was something in his nose.
++that evening++
"Baby?"
"Mmmm?"
Brian traced his fingers up her arms, sending one gigantic shiver down her spine and into the tips of her toes. He nuzzled his chin into the niche between her chin and her shoulder, and sighed contentdly.
"What did you want?" Dana asked softly.
Brian shrugged, and made a non-commital sound. "I needed to hear your voice, to make sure that I didn't dream tonight."
"It is really amazing," Dana agreed peacefully. The stars twinkled above them, dancing, reminding the couple of how vast the universe was and how small a portion of it they were. How, in the perspective of things, they could be such a small fraction of it all and still feel so important.
"I needed to make tonight real, you know?" He unravelled their fingers, then folded each of his hands over each of hers.
She watched an airplane trace a path across the sky and imagined that it was a shooting star, some gloriously lucky star that had eluded Dana for her entire life. It had decided to stay away from the whole Steve relationship. A shooting star can only grant one wish, you know, and that little 'star' knew that if it showed itself during her tumultuous time with Steve that the precious wish would be used, and then where would they be? So it avoided her, waited for a time when she was clear minded and thinking straight. It waited until she was with Brian, and could make a wish that would make her happier than she already was. Because if that little wish had been granted while Dana was with Steve, then it would have been a wish for Salvation from Hell. And things can be so much better than just Salvation.
Things can be Heaven.
~chapter twenty-eight~
~chapter index~
