flux


...
...reality has effaced my mind, my soul, my being
to the extent that i must deny me of that by which i am deemed alive
only to survive for one final tragic, yet conciliatory breath
to utter a few choice words of consequence
and for my dying voice to echo into the infinities unconquered
whereupon i shall set sail, surrendering to the egress of immortality
...
...but dare i bow to the ethers of forever to grant me stay of execution
in the wrathful dungeons where only silence has lease
my decaying bone shall build the rocket upon which i chisel away, faster than the speed of time
at the boundaries between the realms of matter and of imagination
aging indefinitely until i am no longer capable of sustaining cerebral function
absorbed into the graces that lie etched in the burrows of my shadow
nevermore visible to the naked eye
...
...only to pause for a moment as i slip beneath the tide
to ponder
to wander in self-wonderment
that these must have been my final thoughts
as i was helplessly being dragged back into a sea
of neptunian air
and that this must have been my last ultimatum
though i was given not one more breath
with which to cry out such futile, empty words of wisdom
for the next generation to linger in my wake
the next symptom of my disease
(an inability to relate time and distance
to separate reality from afterlife
to mark a beginning to which there is no end)
and to suffer eternally
a disease of aging
an ebbing, a fading
...
...a voice
i glance skyward and the sky disappears
...a noise
i glance earthbound and the earth disappears
and the stars fade to black, one by one
until there is infinite darkness as far as the mind can wonder
and i realize that with each glance i cast, i deem my dreams invisible
as the unseen voice cries out - ‘RUN!’
i turn abruptly, unsure as to its origin, its symbolism, its purpose
before once again - ‘RUN!’ - cascades throughout the nameless expanse which permeates my existence
the confusion which has absorbed all that remains of my entity, my forsaken reality
i reply (though only within the confines of my own paralyzed consciousness)
‘to where shall i run, for where lies my fate, my future?’
the thunderblast of noise envelops the futile shadows behind which i hide
being the diminutive cyst, the parasite, that i represent in its universal eye
‘RUN!’ it bellows yet again
...
...‘your fate remains invisible before you, beside you, behind you
as it has always been
your future is now, traveling faster than the speed of time and light, in which only past and present
darkness may find their way to the environment of your consciousness
they both are now abandoned in your wake
and neither the antiquity of youth nor the permanence of age are of relevance any longer
such are the equivalent of your once-outlying human body, stripped of skin, bone, and flesh
until it too is disintegrated
for it is time to rid your being of such imperfections
those flaws lying in your wake linger ever-so-nearly to you, and therefore you must RUN from them
and continue to run for eternity
to remain one with your perfection’
aghast, i am adhered to my position, as if a gravity holds me fast
‘RUN!’
...
...a million thoughts, a million hesitations crawl through my head
dallying through the abscissions
that penetrate the same
a million wonders, reasons, misgivings all making their way
from point A to point A and back again
in the same moment, the same time and place and existence
though among them lies only one realization
one fathom, one spark of understanding of the chaos that bleeds throughout me
as i remain statuesque and positioned firmly in space
‘RUN!  why do you dare remain?  do you not realize the wisdoms i have bestowed upon you?’
a smile lurks behind the shadows of an inexistent mouth
‘perhaps not...’
a smile that shall remain forever anonymous
forever obligated only to gleam in the light of the realms of irony
‘...but perhaps it is you who does not realize, who does not understand the fathoms of infinity!  are you not
beyond your own comprehension?  if you truly are perfect, then what are you?  why must you still run? 
from where did you once flee...and to where shall you roam-’
‘BLEMISH!  how dare you query perfection in such an inane manner!!  you are nothing more than an
imperfect mortal pimple on the visage of your own blindness!’
‘and you, everlasting being of perfection, fail to recognize your own visage in the mirror, for nothing, not
even yourself can understand what you are!  and that is your flaw...an epitomization of imperfection itself,
the blemish of all blemishes, the fault to outshine all faults...you do not fathom the reality, the truth of
imperfection, the reality that perfection is imperfection, and therefore YOU are the pimple on the face of
infinity...and i condemn you, perfection, i condemn you to a reality of sorrow, madness, impermanence,
mortality, for in you lies the most unwanted, forbidden, destructive liquor of blood ever imagined by the
traitors of time!!  you shall never have me, for my flaws are amulets of beauty, uniqueness,
individuality...and you, you are only one...one face, one heart, in one space and time
where many should exist...’
...
a smile...
...to fade away all traces, all monuments of sorrow, distress, misery
...that adorns the boundaries of the universe with an exotic shade of grey
indistinguishable from light or dark
...that frowns upon the arrogance of the infinite realm
and casts shadows on those who dare to contradict it
to radiate the afterglow of reality...




<< | notes | index