rhode


at least your pretense
would have been
somewhat forgivable
had i ever noticed

that you would sooner let
your codependent boyfriends
fuck you in the ass

before the thought of me
even crossed your mind

that my presence most often
went unwelcomed
or barely acknowledged

but i guess you could say
i was wrapped around
you like a sandy beach
towel and i
was fairly abrasive
to the touch

when it was agreed
that we would never date

after that kiss with tongue
tasted kind of salty
or sour
or something to make
you turn your back
on me

the way you do now.

i really must apologize

for never going to church
with you
because it ruined a world
of possibilities

we might have shared,

and my faithless hell
spit in your face
every time i opened my mouth
to say
i love you,
or whisper some shallow
feeling which
you never understood
because your heart
beats like a machine.

i told you that none of this,
you, me,
our mutual friends
and their biblical
references,

was worth
dying for but you let
yourself be brainwashed
by the scary old people
who wear crowns and
pretend they are
spiritual.

last week you brought
the hatchet down and
implied that we should
never speak again;

our words were awkward,
changed
unsentimental and meaningless

and supposedly that is enough
to make me expendable
in your eyes,

being
someone who could show you
what it means to rape
freedom
with a stick,
and laugh in the face of
the judge, the jury
and the executioner
behind every confession
you make.

all you had to do
was shut your fucking
mouth and let me
believe
that you were a living
human being,

at least my silence
would have then
been
a little less permanent.

i will forever hear
the truth
echoing
your heartless
gutless,
and disgusting
values of friendship,

you find human beings
like myself
uncomfortable and temperamental

and a waste of decent
conversation,

but all this time
while i watched your
ugly mouth move

i was thinking about
crucifying myself
later this afternoon, after
having your tumors
removed from my
prostate.

in a minute
i’ve got an appointment
with a cavernous
vagina, one that
could never fuck me
over any worse;

she’s taking me to the dentist
to have all my teeth
pulled,

sans anesthesia.

now if you’ll excuse me,

miss,

your recitals bore me
to tears

and
the whore is still waiting
at the bus stop.




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