insecticide


i know i’ve disappointed you

and this is how i feel
waiting for the end
to dabble in liquid paintings of Adler
and his minions, my colors
run along the riverbed
of blue flowing tears, against
a pale cheek

at first i didn’t want to
burden you with my feelings but
now it doesn’t seem to make
a difference

because there’s a
frustration in my silence
and sometimes it’s loud enough
to deafen the voices in my mind,

i gave in a long time ago
to those demons
half-heartedly, i led you on
forever not knowing that it
would come back to
deceive me when i needed
you the most.

love is all i know anymore;
the only thing that’s real,
and if it doesn’t soothe me
my heart aches with violent
pulses, my body shakes when i
stop breathing and
my life is fake if i
stop dreaming

do you understand that i shed tears
as often as the rain falls in the
Sahara?

i could only hold it in for so long
when you were lying there with the smile,
asked me what i was thinking
while the acid rain fell in behind my eyes,
pouring
and burning

i knew from that moment
you’re everything
in my pathetic, forlorn world

and i’ll give anything
to make sure you remain that way
forever.




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