ETERNAL SOLITUDE AUTHOR: Kathy EMAIL ADDRESS: SADanaMldr@aol.com ARCHIVE: Anywhere, please keep my name and address attached and let me know where. SPOILER WARNING: Just be aware of Mythology plot line RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: UST/Angst; Vignette SUMMARY: None DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Samantha Mulder belong to CHRIS CARTER, TEN THIRTEEN PRODUCTIONS, and FOX TELEVISION... Eternal Solitude by Kathy "GOD DAMMIT!!" burst beneath an anguished cry. He smashed the beer bottle he'd been holding so tightly on the faded surface of the wooden porch. He quickly vacated his post, coming around to confront the grievously haunted dwelling. "This is all your fault... this is all your fault... God, Dad I trusted you!!" By this time he had several stones in hand, half of which he'd flung desperately through the windows of his father's house. "You took her away from me! You did it... I hate you! I have you! You took her you took them both! God Damn you you fucking son of a bitch!!" He ran out of rocks... "SHIT!" came a frustrated whisper and he fell to his knees and began digging furiously through the dirt patch at his feet for a large stone. Suddenly he began to grow tired... His forehead fell atop his sullied hands. He slowly sat up; wiping his hands on his somewhat faded navy t-shirt. He rose to his feet. Hanging his head low, he headed back toward the porch steps. But, following just a few short and weary strides, he stopped. He stopped and stood. Staring into the earth, he felt the subtle piercing of tears surrounding his eyes. He bit his lip and tilted his head back, taking an unsuccessful breath of replenishment. Somehow, his feet began to carry him away from the house, bringing him to a familiar tree, a tree that once served as a haven from reality to the young and stricken Fox Mulder. He settled his back against the now massive oak, sliding his body to the ground. "Scully..." formed soundlessly on his lips. Dropping his head on to his arms, along his bent knees, he cried himself to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TWO NIGHTS EARLIER Dana Scully's hand shook as she reached for the receiver. Her breath trembled as felt her courage weakening... She jerked her hand away from the phone situated on her nightstand. Her legs folded hands wringing in her lap; she took a moment to regain her strength "Okay, Dana. It's now or never." She grabbed the phone; She positioned her finger to dial... "Hello, Mom?" "Dana? You okay, honey?" "Yeah, Mom... I... " "What is it?" "I still haven't told Mulder." "Oh, Dana. You know it isn't right. You're leaving tomorrow. This is going to be hard enough on him as it is. You're waiting to the last minute is just going to make it worse." "I know, Mom. I'm just scared to tell him. The last time I tried to tell him I was leaving he talked me out of it. I don't blame him for me staying, it was my choice and I thought he needed me. I just don't think that's true anymore." "I don't know how you can say that, Dana. Fox would give his life for you..." "I know that, Mom, but you should just see the way he's been acting lately." At this point Margaret Scully had known all about her daughter's hasty decision to move west, but she hadn't been able to pull from her the reasons why. All of the reasons anyway. "What do you mean?" "He just been so distant... he acts as if I'm just this annoying little side kick tagging along for the ride. Not even that good sometimes... He acts as if he doesn't even trust me anymore... or my judgement anyway. He's always challenged my theories, but this is different... he's dismissive and short-tempered. I can't be here anymore. There's not much of me left to give and not get anything back. Do you understand? what I mean, Mom?" "Yes, Dana, but if you feel so strongly about this, why don't you just tell him?" "Because, I know what's best for me and he'll only talk me out of it, and I can't handle it anymore, Mom... I just can't." "I understand, honey. But, you better tell him and soon." "I will. G'night, Mom." "I love you." "Love you, too." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ONE DAY EARLIER Mulder turned the corner, basketball beneath his left arm, water bottle in his right hand. "Scully!" She was moving quickly away from his building toward her car. "Scully! I'm here! Scully..." She had already started her engine and was pulling away from the curb. As Mulder walked into the lobby of his building, he was halted by the heavy frown that hung on his doorman's face; a frown that seemed to be directed toward him. "You ought ta be ashamed of yourself, makin' that sweet lady cry like that. I know it's none of my business, and I don't wanna get fired..." "You mean, Scully?" "Yeah, the cute one with the bright read hair you're always with." "Why was she crying? Did she say anything?" His words rushed out him as him heart clenched tightly in his chest. "No, but I can read pe..." "Thank you." Mulder bypassed the elevator and decided to take the stairs. Flying through his apartment he made a b-line for the phone (SPEED DIAL #1). "The cellular number you wish to reach is out of service." "What?!" He felt the ballooning panic rising within him. He threw down the phone, surveying the room for any clues she might have left. Then he saw it, a letter. He hesitantly inched forward, sudden fear gripping at his chest. As he reached the note, he felt himself unconsciously swallow the giant lump that had seemingly formed in his throat. Picking it up between his forefinger and his thumb, he knew. He knew what would be inscribed on the pages beneath envelope he now clung to. He stared at the front the front of it, he studied the handwriting... He carried the forefinger of the opposite hand to the first stroke of the 'M' tracing it slowly, until he hand spelled out his entire name. Taking a deep breath he extracted the note from its shelter. Slowly unfolding the letter, he made his way over to his usually comfortable leather couch. He didn't think he'd be getting much comfort from anything after he'd read this note... ::::: 'Mulder, I feel like I'm writing you a Dear John. I know that's silly, it's not like we were more than just partners to each other... ::::: He felt his heart go numb... ::::: Well, that's not fair to say either. We were friends, good friends, there was a time that I would've called you my best friend. But lately, Mulder I just haven't felt anything much from you. And I'm not saying this is your fault, it's mine. I don't expect deep romantic feelings from you, Mulder. That's just not what we are about. I know that. I just thought, I could trust you to believe in me and me in you. But, things have not been going that way lately. And, as much as all this hurts me I have to say that this isn't the main reason I am leaving you. I need myself back, I need to find Dana Scully... I don't think I know who she is anymore Mulder. I know I said I'd stay with you and that I needed answers for my own sake as much as your own, but I just can't. Everyday, I wake up and I wonder where is my life going, I just can't see a future, Mulder. I want a future, Mulder. I want a life. I need you to understand that. I need you to, for me. Please, this is the last thing I'll ever ask you for. Let me have my life, don't look for me. Please, Mulder. I did love you once, but that's all over Mulder. It was ... just like Emily... never meant to be. I wish you luck and pray for your safety, everyday. Dana ::::: He stood up quickly. "I have to find her," he announced to the otherwise empty apartment. "No... She said to promise her, she said it was never meant to be. I have let her go. I have to..." Standing still for a short moment he felt the utter sorrow emitting beneath his chest. Out of nowhere came a thundering cry, "Scuuullleee!!!" He collapsed on his floor into heap of quivering sobs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The wind began to blow and twist, carrying leaves over his curled up body, nestling into the grass. "Dana...Dana...Dana..." he mumbled. He was dreaming... Happy at first, red hair beautiful smooth porcelain skin, perfect lips. "Fox... I love you Fox... " "Mmmm," he smiled. "I have to go now, Fox..." "Dana? No, please don't, Dana... Dana... Dana..." "Mulder... Mulder... Mulder... wake up Mulder..." He felt a warm hand on his shoulder. "Mulder!" "Huh? I...Da..n..a... " "Mulder, are you alright?" "Scul-ly?" "Yes, Mulder. Come on sit up... " His eyes were slow to focus, but when they did. What a sight he was given. "You're...you're... why did you come back?" "This is where I work Mulder." At that moment, he realized where he was. "You been here all night?" Mulder's eyes shifted from her face and stared at the top of his desk for a few long moments. Scully just looked at him, brow furrowed in confusion. "Scully? Have I been taking you for granted lately?" "Not more than usual," she lied. "No, Scully. I want the truth, it's okay, really." "Well, the truth is you have been acting a little strangely lately, and I can think of one or two times when you have been the nicest person in the world to work with. But I understand Mulder. You've been under a lot of stress lately. Its been hard on both of us." "You always let me off the hook, Scully." "What'd you think I got paid for," she quipped." Mulder smirked at her sarcasm, and continued, "But, I'm not gonna let you this time. I'm taking you to dinner tonight, Scully." "Oh, Mulder, you don't have to." He rose to his feet and walked over to her. Reveling in her beauty, falling into her eyes, he closed the distance. Placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "Yes, I do," he whispered, as he ran his finger slowly down her jaw line. "Yes, I do." He repeated tenderly. She smiled a teary smile that almost seemed as if it came from relief. The day went on routinely, the night's events were anything but. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EPILOUGE "I'm glad you decided to stay over." "So am I, Scully, so am I." And solitude was lost. THE END ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ what happened that night? let your imaginations run wild... just like mine does after I watch the show :) I LIVE OFF OF FEEDBACK... I DESPERATELY WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK? THIS WAS A ONE NIGHTER... SO I KNOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER... LEMME KNOW K?? KATHY.... SADanaMldr@aol.com