Introducing the Blue Boy Who Mended and Defended His Way into Mainframe's Heart |
 Bob hails from the (drumroll) supercomputer. By some weird twist of fate, he ends up in Mainframe. Twist of fate! Turbo probably assigned him to it to slow him down! Did I ask for your opinion??? (silence) That's what I thought. This is MY webpage too, you know! Well, it was MY idea!! It says so on the main page! Or can't you read it? Anyway, like I was saying, Guardian 452 takes a liking to Mainframe and its inhabitants... YOU were saying! ...and is regarded as a hero. Ahem. The life story of Bob, remember? Bob IS a hero, one that constantly thwarts Megabyte and Hexadecimal with the help of his new friends. I was getting to that. He's blue, ya know. I like blue. :) And he doesn't have a last name, either! What's your point? We've already been through this. Moving on...Bob saves Mainframe from certain death on a daily basis. So, whilst he's saving and stuff, he gets pretty attached to Enzo and Dot. Frisket doesn't like him, though. Oh, and he doesn't plan much, either.. Attached?? He falls HEAD OVER HEELS for Dot! But he's too cool to show it, naturally. This is not the time for that! We're getting to the whole "Lost in the Web" thing! Aren't we? No time!! There's never any time for anything I want to talk about! It's always about you! Fine, fine. Explain to the audience the subtle romance of Bob and Dot. But make it quick! Where to start, where to start. It's mainly a love-hate relationship--they love to hate each other. But we ALL know what they REALLY feel...I mean, look at Dot's organizer password! Okay, NOW can we move on? I promise I'll let you cover the...um...thing in End Prog.! I'm quite finished. :-) Take it away. Now, then, if some shippers would settle down-- Okay, okay. Someone didn't get enough sleep last night!!! Megabyte got nasty. More so than usual. And he shot Bob into the web to get our beloved guardian out of the picture. You covered the most important thing in Bob's life in one sentence. You hardly do him justice! Well, actually it was three sentences... Keep your personal problems out of this! Don't start that again! This is only one page long! I'm trying to make it brief! Our audience doesn't have all year, you know! Well, if they have a social life similar to yours, they have all eternity! I asked you not to bring that up, missy. Now, can we skip to the next picture and get to the web part, please? Fine. He's NOT going to call, you know. Move on.
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He took the form of Interface...
The web part greatly depressed a number of people, right Sarah? I'm still recovering...It was extremely traumatic. You are not bringing your therapy into this. For what I'm paying for it, I think we should. We were about to talk about the webriders thing. Of course. You might as well do this part.I don't think I can handle it. Bob, being the natural leader that he is, was not only taken in by the degraded sprites known as webriders, but also given authority in their social structure. Forced to wear a drab suit of armor for protection, we do not learn that Bob and Interface are one and the same until Bob shows his face to the Saucy Mare crew. I mean, who WOULDN'T give him authority? One look into those eyes...He may have worn a drab suit of armor, but he still looked sexy! (pauses) Not that I noticed or anything. I was SAYING we find out Bob is Interface. At which point there is much rejoicing, some of which is because Bob just saved AndrAIa from certain deletion. Like she deserved it... You've just ticked off a few dozen AndrAIa fans, I hope you know. But I've gained the respect of DOZENS of anti-AndrAIa fans. Sigh. Fine, but I'm forwarding all flames to you. Anything you'd like to add before we move onto Glitch-Bob? I'm good. For now. Good. Now, next picture. |
If only corporate mergings had these kind of special effects...
Bob's keytool, Glitch... *sniff* Poor Glitch... I'm sure he's gone onto a better place... Well, who wouldn't sacrifice everything for Bob???? Well, some people think he's a bit of a geek. Bob A GEEK????? And you're worried about the AndrAIa fans?? The Bobites will eat you alive! I didn't say I thought that! Anyway, Bob merges with Glitch, they become one, and for some reason or other this lets Bob open a portal that takes everyone home to Mainframe. It's Glitch's magical powers! HELLO! Glitch is not omnipotent. IS TOO! Is not, you petty ignoramous! Is too, you AndrAIa-loving sapsucker!! Is not, you Bobite kiss-up! * gasps* Is too, you snotty faced heap of parrot droppings!! *growls* Is not, you slimy piece of worm-ridden filth! Glitch can't turn into the Empire State Building. SO THERE. Well, technically, he MIGHT be able to. Have we ever actually seen him try? Does Glitch even know what the Empire State Building is? He's lived a sheltered life. Sheltered? Constantly saving a system from nullification is SHELTERED? Being omnipotent, as you claim, is sheltered? Well, yes. Don't ask me how. But it IS! Trust me!! Let's just get to the next picture and describe the Glitch-Bob Chronicles. |
Ladies and Gentlemen... Glitch-Bob!
FINE! You know we're going to end up doing what you want ANYWAY!!! HEY! Come to think of it, we haven't actually mentioned Mouse OR Ray yet. Fine! Mouse is with Dot and Ray shows up! Happy? As good as I'm going to get from you. What about Matrix? That's important...And we never actually explained about AndrAIa.. I guess that goes on her page, right? Right. This is about Bob. And Matrix looks up to him. Okay? Now we've mentioned everyone. Except Scuzzy and Phong, who are also around. I DO love Scuzzy! We'll have to make a Scuzzy page too. This is not the time! Oh, and Hex. There's Hex. You mentioned her. DUH. I did? When? In the waywaywaywayway beginning. Sheesh. Well, that was a long time ago. Now, Bob and all the other sprites and binomes on the Saucy Mare get back to Mainframe. It was like 3 minutes ago! Mr. Christopher's on the Saucy Mare!! He's such a cutie. Sorry. :) Everyone gets back to Mainframe and lives happily ever after the end. Don't you wanna mention how Hex becomes nice and Megabyte gets thrown to the web? And there was a system crash? And an opera! And I did promise you that you could describe the um... thing in End Prog. Oh. THE KISS!!! :) I know why I have to do it. You have issues with romance, young lady! I'm just honest enough to keep my promises. Unlike SOME people. You still owe me those five dollars. Hey!! It was for a good cause! Buying a stake to go vampire hunting is not "a good cause." Well, it's better than the time you borrowed my life sized Bob cardboard cut out. I still haven't gotten that back! Besides, I could take Buffy on any day! I was out of kindling! Kindling?? You used it for... It already HAD water damage! From SOMEBODY'S block party. How did that happen?? It couldn't be from me...He only went in the shower once with me!! And he was tired the day of the block party, so he stayed home! If that picture sticks in my head, so help me I'll...Let's just finish, okay? Fine. But I'm NOT paying you back! That Bob cost me 300 bucks. He did NOT! I got you a new one for $20, remember? Well...uh...He's not the limited edition one. There IS a difference you know. The difference is a five centimeter label on the back, and you know it. Now, would you like to wrap this up? Well...only if I'm getting my 300 bucks. You'll get the 300 beans when Hexidecimal becomes a psychiatrist. Actually, have you ever met my psychiatrist? The resemblance is uncanny...except for the whole mask thing. Your psychiatrist has spikes coming out the top of her head? Doesn't yours? I just read self-esteem books. We are going somewhere with this, right? Somewhere near the end? Hopefully. I reallyreallyreallyreally have to go to the bathroom!! Until I go, my mind is on a beautiful toilet and nothing else. Why do I have to know this? Look, Mainframe was saved, everyone is Bob's friend, THE END. Okay? Now I feel unloved. You ended without me. Think about it...This is only the first one!! We have a LOT more to go!! All right, you can end, okay? (dramatic pause) But make it intelligible for once! THE END It works. Who should we do next? That's the first nice thing you've said to me all day! How about Dot? I have my random moments of kindness. Dot it is. I can hardly wait. |
