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In Memory of "Shakespeare"
June, 1999 ~ September, 1999

 1. First off, when packing the van, ensure that your daughter has NOT
tucked a Furby into her backpack that has been hidden away in the 
depths of the back seat

2. Ensure that the box in which your puppy is to sit is not so close to 
said backpack that every time the puppy moves, the Furby is activated

3. Once the puppy begins "communicating" {aka "loud, incessant barking"} 
with the Furby, your feeble attempts to quieten the puppy by pulling 
over to the side of the road and glaring at him will do nothing. 
You're likely better off to actually unpack your entire van at roadside 
to extract the offending gremlin.

4. When you arrive at the campground, be very sure that someone 
is keeping a very firm grip on the puppy's collar/leash lest he 
dash out of the van and head straight for the swampy area surrounding 
the campsite as though it were a longlost friend

5. After a lovely little romp amongst the bullrushes and water, 
said puppy will now likely be a bit on the exhausted side and will 
finally flop down and settle in for a bit of a nap. Of course, he 
will feel the need to do such in the sandiest area available so 
that he is now lightly coated with grit

6. Once the people arrive at the neighbouring campsite, be prepared 
to console your poor puppy who has, for the first time in his life, 
realized that there are bigger dogs than he in this world....and 
console yourself with the fact 
that at least his whimpering is quieter than his barking

7. Once night falls, you will become exceedingly aware of the fact 
that your puppy was bred of two hunting breeds....hence...anything 
that moves {leaves, birds, blades of grass, etc} apparently qualifies 
as reason to begin the incessant barking once again...frequently...all 
night long...with very few breaks.

8. Of course, when you wander outside to try to quieten the puppy 
for the umpteenth time, he will look at you so very sweetly and 
wag his tail as though awaiting a reward for protecting you and 
your family from the "scary leaf monster" or that "demonic bird 
sitting in the tree"

9. By 4am, you've grown extremely weary and awaken your daughters...
after all, it is THEIR puppy. You patiently smile at their "we'll go out 
and pet him and ask him to please be quiet" tactic....and after 
their fifth trip doing such, you tell them to think of something 
else before we're all asked to leave the campground. At this point, 
the oldest daughter will invariably drag her bedding out to the 
lounger in hopes that her company alone will cause the puppy 
to drift off in peaceful slumber


10. At 4:30am, you corral children and puppy into the van and drive 
home.....puppy, completely worn from his sleepless night, naps all the way