All's Well That Ends Well....
Well. Yesterday was horrible for the most part. Still sick, only worse. It was a pretty miserable experience. Chills and coughing (actually, my lungs were trying to escape from my chest cavity? but that's just the technical definition). Sinus headaches? ugh. Fantastic.
Anyways. John went to Hampton at about one, and was going to come by here and wake me up? that never happened, as he passed out drunk after he called saying that he was on his way at about 2:30. haha.
Laura called me when she got out of work. She was supposed to go to Boston with Tony and his friend Frank to the Avalon and see DJ Micros. She begged me to go with her the other day, because it would be 'weird.' I didn't want to go to begin with, and then I was still sick, so I wasn't going to go.
So when she called she was headed over to her brother's house for movie night. She said that Tony the Tiger had been text messaging her saying that he was driving around waiting for her. She told me that she wasn't going, she didn't want to deal with the bullshit that surrounds that kid. It kind of pertains to a conversation that we had last week.
We were discussing life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We were talking about surrounding ourselves with people that were good for us, and we could see being around in our future, and not wasting our time and energy on the temporary. What I said about this was that I had been working a wedding, and the bride and groom had people at their reception, and I was observing them.
They were just a group of good, successful, beautiful people. They were courteous and well-mannered. And they were genuine friends, and they were happy for them. And what I said to Laura is that I looked at that, and thought about the direction that my life was headed in. The fact that I didn't know how some of my friends would be perceived from the outside. I then thought more about it, and I thought, the people that I was thinking about weren't even really my friends. I have a very small, close group of friends. And past that, why would I want to invite any of the others to it. And why do I bother talking to the people that are just superficially friends?
So back to the point of Tony the Tiger. Yeah, he's a fun guy to hang out with. But that's it. What it comes down to is the backstabbing bullshit that he pulls. He plays stupid little high school games. Manipulates people, uses their shit against them. He doesn't know to this day that Laura and I know about what he said to Dan at Bickfords - the fact that Laura would never seriously date him because he was shorter than her. Because I slipped up, he got that tidbit of information and used it against us. Well. He doesn't know that we know that. He thinks that he's got the wool pulled over our eyes. But I straight up told Laura that I slipped up and mentioned it - and she said, well, that explains why Dan took off in a huff. And it turns out that is exactly what happened.
And after Laura told me that she didn't want to continue to deal with the bullshit, I said, you know, I was thinking about it, I don't think that I could ever introduce Tony to my boyfriend, because I know that if I left him alone with John (or any one else for that matter?) he'd say something to him. Like he did with Dan - and why? Because of what he did with Dan. It comes down to him treating women like arm candy and objects that he feels that he can manipulate. He'd do it just for the power. Just to see if he could. Because he thinks that he can get away with his bullshit, and his lies.
For instance, about two hours after I spoke with Laura while she was avoiding him, he called me on his way to Boston. To find out what I was up to. I told him, obviously, that I was still sick. What? You got ditched by Laura, so now you're going to call me? And the whole thing with that is that he told me that he had stayed late at work helping the guy that he works with, Frank (the one that he supposedly was bringing with him to Boston with Laura and him), at work, and stayed late. Mind you, Laura had told me two hours prior that he text messaged her saying that he was driving around waiting for her. So, blatant lie, one way or the other. And note - Frank wasn't with him. Then the fact that he conveniently neglected to mention that he was driving alone to Boston to go to this show because he got stood up by Laura. Didn't mention her name once. Now, my next question becomes - how fucking stupid does he think that we are? Does he REALLY think that we don't talk? Is he that fucking ignorant? Or maybe what it comes down to for him is that he doesn't get the meaning of true friendship.
There is a saying (I don't remember exactly how it goes) - If you cannot tell the character of a man outright, assess the character of his friends. Now, the way that he and his little buddies Brenden and Mez treated each other - sneaking around behind each other's backs, over WOMEN, and how they treated them, clued me in. But I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and be his friend and judge from that, with a grain of salt included, of course. Maybe he didn't really consider them friends. And I don't think that he does. Specifically because I don't think that he really has any true friendships. People that he trusts. Why? Because why the hell would anyone trust him. He puts on a front, because he is an empty person, who doesn't have a true sense of self.
Like him and spending money - what the fuck do I care whether or not you only drink top shelf? What the hell do I care about how much money you drop on your name brand clothes? Guess what? It doesn't impress me because he still lives with mummy and daddy. Real bills? The value of a dollar? What would impress me would be saving all of that money towards something real, concrete, and goal-oriented. Most people want to own a house, he wants to own an in-house bar.
When we were talking yesterday, he mentioned that all of his friends were going off and getting married. He said that he liked being single, relationships and marriage sucks. Who the hell doesn't like being single? The point of being single is that you have the opportunity to go be yourself for a while, find yourself again after a period of being partnered with someone who you didn't interact properly with. You sit back and you learn your lessons, and look at the people that you are dating and see what you don't want to repeat from your last relationship and pick better next time. I've done the partying relationship - Paul and I had so much fun, even though the grounding of our relationship was hell, we could go out and party like no one's business. That's not what I wanted out of life, though. I want to further myself, and go somewhere with my life, not live paycheck to paycheck like we were. And that is when relationships and marriage DON'T suck, is when you find that person that you can work towards your future with, and wants to help you to achieve your goals, and doesn't lose sight of theirs, and appreciates your support as well. And he'll never find someone worth shit if he doesn't start working towards his goals, because that is what everyone who is seriously being smart about being single and finding someone - they look for someone who isn't going to lose their sense of self in a relationship. It's a lesson that I learned from Seth - when we were talking about quitting smoking, and cutting down on our drinking. The depth of his comment didn't hit me until after we had already broke up, which makes me sad because I think that if it had? well, I don't want to talk about it. He said that what mattered was we were each going to do it, or we were going to do it together. And it meant more than just quitting drinking and smoking. It meant a lot about our relationship, too. What were we doing? Living day to day and not thinking or talking about our future. Not trying to get where we wanted to be, together, as a team. It makes me sad to think that I didn't see that then. Ah well, you live you learn. But back to the story at hand.
So what Laura said was that she wasn't going to waste her time or energy on dealing with him anymore. She already went through and deleted a lot of the numbers out of her phone - part of the discussion that we had. Why have superficial people around you? Where is the bar scene getting us? We are not getting any closer to our goals by going out and doing it every night. Her ditching Tony last night - it wasn't that his status changed. Laura just changed how she dealt with the people that she put in his status. I was already on my way out. And she is a close second.
I'm going to go play cards with Elise while we wait for our boys to come over.
I'm happy with my boyfriend already - we've already had some really good conversations about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and I think that he really has a good grip on the way the world works, and I hope that he has a good grip on the way that relationships work.
don't ask
