Severus leaned over Olivia’s shoulder to look at the drawing she was pointing at, “bobotubers.”
“What do they do?”
“They produce a pus used in many potions, the name dates back to 1354 and is connected to…”
“Ewww… pus…” Olivia made a face and turned to another page.
Severus rolled his eyes, but didn’t finish the lecture. He had a feeling his audience would not stay interested long if he delved too far into the symptoms of the bubonic plague and their link to the plant. Although he was enjoying the distraction that Olivia provided. Eva had suddenly been called upon by the Order for the morning, and as Severus had only one class in the morning today, and it was already over, he was watching Olivia until Eva returned to finish overseeing her lessons for the day.
He was trying not to think about the class he had taught that morning. It had been his seventh year NEWT students. Dierna hadn’t even looked at him, let alone talked to him. She had very pointedly ignored him for the entire class period, looking through him as though he didn’t exist. It provided the double agony of piercing his heart and making him thoroughly enraged because, to his mind, Dierna was perfectly capable of making the first step towards reconciliation.
Watching Olivia meant he didn’t have to think about what he had said to Dierna. He didn’t have to think about what he needed to say to Mr. McKean. He didn’t need to think about what Eric would be discussing with him when he arrived shortly. At the moment he was ready to retire to the country. Perhaps have a small sea-side cottage. He could live there very happily. No students, no Eric, no children underfoot… except for Olivia, but an early bedtime took care of most of the complications created by her presence. He could just be with Morgan and…
Well that wasn’t bloody likely to happen anytime soon. Especially not while they were in the midst of a war that had yet to rear the full extent of its ugly head. He frowned, perhaps he should have killed himself when he had the chance, right after the first war… or the second one… he realized that Olivia was tugging on his sleeve in a most annoying fashion.
“What is it child?” he snapped a bit more harshly than was necessary. Dammit, you fool, now you are acting like your father, transferring all of your rage to the innocents around you.
However Olivia seemed oblivious to the sharpness of his tone. She was bouncing rather excitedly. “I forgot, I have some stuffs for you.”
Severus actually smirked slightly as Olivia grabbed her bag in one hand, and his hand with her other, and dragged him to the couch, where she pushed him down and climbed into his lap. He realized that in he was almost constantly waiting for her to misbehave, but she, in all actuality, rarely did. It made him feel slightly guilty as she cuddled up to him while digging through her bag. But he was also more grateful for her blind adoration than he could say. There were times when he needed more than Morgan’s reassurances that he was not in fact a horrible monster who would end up destroying his family, no matter how good his intentions were.
“Look!” Olivia thrust a paper in his face.
Severus plucked the paper from her hand and held it out where he could see it properly. He sighed, and then reached into his robes for his reading glasses so that he could read it properly. He hated the spectacles. They made him feel old. But Morgan had thrown a fit when she learned he was using a vision enhancing potion. True, the potion would only weaken eyesight further when used for an extended period of time, but it was much more convenient. However, the wrath of Morgan wasn’t worth it. The marriage bed had been decidedly frigid for far longer than he liked last time she had found him with it.
“See, I did really good!” Olivia bounced as she tried to grab the paper back.
Severus pulled it back out of her reach, “I suppose this is acceptable,” he said dryly. “What is this… your math test?”
Olivia sighed dramatically, “no! It’s history.”
“Is it now?”
“Yes.”
“I suppose you would know, seeing as how you received full points on it.”
“I did so well that I think you should help me make a potion. And I love you very much.”
Severus snorted, so now the truth came out. She wanted something. So much for unconditional love and scholarly productivity purely for self satisfaction. “Perhaps later this afternoon.”
Eva poked her head in the door, "I am back and have come to collect my charge."
Olivia sighed and looked up at Severus with pleading eyes, "can't I stay here with you today? Please?"
"No."
"But I'll be good, and I'll sit very quietly while you teach. Please, please, please..."
Severus was very tempted to say yes. If Eric wasn't due to show up at any second he would have. Nimue was in Greece, Viviane in Egypt, Dierna wasn't speaking to him, and Serena and Kamen had never confided in or clung to him the way the other three did. But Olivia... she went a long ways towards filling any gaps that he felt.
And he felt guilty for that. What sort of father was he that he played favorites? What sort of man was he that he found pleasure in Olivia confessing that her other family was becoming 'fuzzy'? He was pleased that she was forgetting her biological parents. He didn't want her to remember them. He didn't want her to need them. She was forgetting them. Her nightmares about their death were diminishing. He hoped that one day she wouldn't even remember that another couple had been her parents at one point.
"You're going to make me go, aren't you?" Olivia looked up at him with large blue eyes, eyes that were pleading with him to change his mind.
Severus had to harden his heart towards the child that currently filled its softest spot, "go, you have lessons to do."
Only for you Olivia's eyes seemed to say as she reluctantly climbed down from Severus' lap and joined Eva, slipping her hand into the woman's.
"Chin up liebchen, we'll go outside this afternoon, I'm sure ein bischen play time wouldn't be out of order."
Severus watched Eva lead Olivia away with a touch of sadness. How long would it be before he did something to make the girl rightly turn against him?
"You are far too hard on yourself."
"Have you learned how to read minds now?"
"No. It's just that after half a century I've finally started to be able to read you. I can tell when you are indulging yourself in a good bout of self pity. But, I am able to tell that you're in a much better state to discuss matters of importance today. I take it you found something to distract you from yourself after I left last night. The marriage bed is a wondrous place.
"Refrain from any thoughts that include my wife and my bed. I do not want you near either of them, even in your mind."
“Very well, I shall strive to keep my thoughts in check. What would you like to discuss first? I know something happened last night that is weighing heavily on your mind.”
“One of my students, Mark McKean… his parents have demanded that he leave school.”
“When it rains it pours… Sejanus and Livia McKean, two of the most devoted followers of Voldemort. There is no question as to why they want him to return home. Is he of age? Yes, then they’ll be wanting him to join the Death Eaters. What has the boy said?”
“He is remaining here. He has refused to leave.”
“Best be prepared, they may do something to try and force him.”
“I know, and I am prepared. They shall not get the boy.”
“You worry so about failing them all Severus. I wish you would see that it is all in vain. Slytherins, who all the school suspects, are refusing the temptations of power offered by the Dark Lord. Even when it is their parents summoning them.”
“That means nothing…”
“You are saving them Severus. You have saved them. You are doing more than you can possibly imagine.”
“I only hope that they do not suffer the repercussions when the Dark Lord comes for me.”
“They will be safe. We already have more allies than you are aware of. One in particular.”
Severus recognized the tone Eric was using. It was full of smugness, the man knew something… “What are you getting at?”
“We must save him, or it may all be too late.”
“Talk sensibly!”
“You always speak of your failures. But you have not failed as you thought you had. I mean to show you how you have triumphed!”
Severus studied Eric’s face carefully as understanding dawned on him, “no… it’s not possible.”
“It is, but we must act quickly.”
"I have classes I need to prepare for," Severus tried to change the subject, and hint to Eric that he needed to leave.
"Severus, you have my word, everything I have told you is true."
"I do not doubt that," Severus stared at his desk without seeing it, "why didn't we know of this sooner?"
"How could we have?"
Severus was torn, his thoughts flying in hundreds of directions. There was too much, far too much..
"You are headed straight for a complete and total mental breakdown my boy. Take things one at a time."
"I am perfectly capable of managing my own life without your help!" Severus snapped, instantly infuriated by any reference to weakness. Weakness was a death sentence. And one couldn't be strong if they relied on others. Power and strength were solitary goals. If he put the burden of his mind onto anyone else's shoulders all could be lost. He had to bear it alone.
"We should inform the Order of this."
"Not yet."
"We shall need help for this. We cannot do it alone."
"We must, I trust no one else with this."
Eric sighed, "if you insist. But know that I do not agree."
"I am not concerned about us agreeing. It is not a common occurrence anyways."
~~~~~~~~~~
