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The poetry found on this page was published in the '94-'95 school year, when I was the Vice-President of Ontario High School's poetry club: "Beatnik Poets, and Other People Who Drink Cappuccino" Warning... this is not bright and cheery "sunshine and puppy dogs" kind of poetry, it is raw and it is from the mind of an adolescent! If you dislike dark words and feelings, don't read these. I do not wish to alter them, or to pretend that they were not a part of who I was, and who I have become. To this end, they are all bunched together, and separate from the work that defines me today. An Ancient Fear (A Death Hymn) We watched you blossom, like the loveliest flower Never suspecting that anytime soon would be your hour. Your flame pinched out, your fire doused Bringing close the age-old meaning of the fated Faust. For you, we have all been crying. To let you go? Each of us continues trying. Clinging and grasping for you, who are not here Not allowing freedom to you, whom we hold dear. You have taught us so many things: To love, to be, to smile, to soar above, as though with wings... But what we have learned, far better than all, Is that soon, each of us must also fall. Each of us must be destined to meet Once again, after life is complete. When we look to the future Let us remember, that we are not a figurine of pewter. We must take example from those who are now gone They do not want our sorrows very long. We must be happy, so as not to be sad They have only preceded us on a journey that cannot be so bad. To Love Yesterday has been and gone Its pounding sensation, the end to a movement of a very long song. Only how many movements do you think there will be? Do you think people tire of the monotony? When the end comes, and it will be soon Who will be there, who will remember this old loon? Crying senselessly over this and that Not ever knowing exactly where you are at. What we feel is so strong There is no chance that we could be wrong. The last note is pounding and clear Leaving a tingling sensation in the air. The end will come, with the greatest crash Beating through the crowd like a lightning flash. I will not allow it to be small People will know it... One and All. Ah! Disappointment I saw her I did! She came in a radiant vision of light She asked what I wished of life I asked what she wished of me she left then All she left for me were a few words And a memory Yes, she came to me In search of my hopes and dreams She found only disappointment I dream of her now Dream of how it could have been How it should have been I lost and now I pay But I saw her... I did. The Teardrop Through the sadness I saw you Gleaming, and as vast as the Universe with all its stars Too beautiful for such a dismal occasion Go away for now and come to me when the day is not so dreary Come back at a time when we can marvel at your wondrous beauty Distracted As life flew over her waiting head, and her open hands let it all slip by through each of her fingers, eagerly awaiting a meaning. An entire life of grabbing at any opportunity, and finality comes with her arms outspread. Each grain of sand, each morsel of life, each bit of her, slowly escaping any grasp of mortality and leaving the realms of reality. Life has had it's play, love has taken it's toll, and Death is on his way. Still, not a single bit has remained for her, she has not found a piece, not a fraction of the puzzle, and all is soon forgotten... What to Think Of I have nothing to think of, but the cold, hard walls that surround me. The bitter snap that runs through me as my bare feet touch the bare floor. The silence, only broken by the chill, howling wind sends shivers up my spine. The silence I fear, nothing more. That dreary, gray silence that will send the sanest man running in a screaming fit at nothing. Nothing is exactly what it is, yet it is something, it MUST be something. It can only be defined as an utter state of nothingness. I put my hand out and drag it along the cold, rusty steel bars. Then I turn swiftly and, not being able to take any more of this, I ran in furious circles, and my voice rang out. Lights suddenly burned on, to expose a long hall of rooms just like mine. The big man came to the bars, but I did not stop until I could no longer see or hear anything. Drawn into a deep, bitter dizziness, all of my senses were then swept from me, and the floor reached up and hit me... hard. Then everything went black, and the next thing I recall is lightning striking. I guess I fooled them. They said I would never get out, but I knew I would. And now, in darkness, it is the only thing I have to think of. The Child Within As she lay, still and quiet All those thoughts of life flew through And nobody checked to see. Warmth and life were flowing Flowing forth to the satin white of the crib And nobody bothered to check. As she looked in on herself, she saw The child she had once known so well And not a person checked on her. All life has no meaning For now the child is dead And no one wanted to know. The throat was split, ear to ear By the hand of someone she held dear And no one checked on her. All the colors have left the room Along with the colors on her face And now she is being checked on. She, herself, lifts the child And ceremoniously rids herself of her No longer will she worry. There is nothing left to be check on. No more can be killed No life can be further taken from her. The last of mortality is all there is All that is left of a kingdom. A Good Friend Look deep within, Do your eyes see as mine? Do you sense that power, The love, the magick, the wonders? That warmth, it radiates through me, I feel it boil up a passion deep in my core. I see that magnificence and hear that charm, And then you appear, dark as an angel. With your arms of burning flesh You envelope me in an embrace so powerful. The immortal essence of pleasure lingers, Oh, I still remember... Only too well... The day I introduced you to your best friend../ YOU! Untitled At that time, when the sun falls from the sky I begin to think about that day How can it always turn out wrong Why is it that they always leave What ever did I do wrong So the colors blend Into a psychedelic sludge In the farthest reaches of my mind Now and then I can swear I can swear that I can still see her face Even hear that beautiful voice That beautiful voice that was always filled With Laughter Laughter as light as bells But I know she is not near For she is so far away yet I wish that she were here And sometimes she is Her suffering was quick She is the lucky one Mine is everlasting I am all alone I need her so much Restrained here without any power All the noises of that night They come in a flood I am overcome But I dread the most The sound of nothingness that overwhelms me Why is it that I live to hear that terrible sound I live in my own, awful Hell And I am sentenced to this forever Or so it seems Why do I pay every day for mistakes I did not make So sleep comes It tempts me with blissful thoughts But there's a morning ahead.
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