Author: Regency
Title: On His Last Day
Category: Angst/Drama
Pairing: Abbey/Jed
Spoilers/Season: The last episode of the last season of the West Wing
Summary: On his last day, he rested. And on his last day, she cried.
AN:
Disclaimer: They both belong to Aaron Sorkin.
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She couldn't believe her ears. Did they deceive her? Had she heard that right? She closed her last suitcase. Where was her husband?
She stepped out into the hall and looked both ways. Where could he be? A light bulb went off in her head. The study. Making the short trek, she considered knocking, but decided against it. She slipped through the door and found herself staring at her husband's back. He was trying to remember what he'd brought and what had already been there when he got there. It wasn't easy. Abbey wondered how to bring up what she'd heard.
"So, you know I heard the most preposterous tale when I was packing. And in case you couldn’t figure it out, we're pretending that you're one of my girlfriends so shut up and let me talk." The former POTUS didn't say a word, but continued as if he hadn't heard her.
"Maybe you need a little back story. A few months back, my husband and I had a bit of an ugly fight and I left to stay in Manchester. It was the end of my husband's term in office and people had started asking about his plans for after the White House. Not our plans, his plans. So, apparently, my husband had plans and it seemed like everyone with the exception of me, of course, knew what they were. So naturally, I was angry. We'd had a deal about being more open and honest with , first and foremost, each other. And by telling everyone these plans without filling me in, he broke the deal. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't stand the dishonesty anymore and I left. I left before I said more things that I would probably regret."
"So, months go by and we don't speak. He doesn't call me to ask me how I'm doing, he doesn't call to apologize, he doesn't call for any reason at all. So, it's almost time the Inauguration of the new President and I realize that we're going to have clean out the Residence and bring everything back to Manchester. And I think, surely he's going to have to call so we can arrange this whole thing. Nope! No call, but boxes upon boxes of things begin to arrive at the house, which leaves it up to me to find something to do with it all. That takes weeks in itself and finally, there's a lull in the deluge. So, I decide that I need to get back to Washington to help him pack, because, well, I had lived there too. It was only fair. Besides, I thought we could talk while I was there and then we'd come back home together and get on with our lives. That didn't quite happen." No, not quite. Jed doesn't stop moving once. He knows she's there. He knows where this is going and he really wishes she wouldn't do this. She really wishes she didn't have to. She stays by the door with her arms crossed defensively over her chest. "So back to Washington, I flew. I was met by a crowd, but no Jed. I went to the White House and up to the Residence, but nope, no Jed. It turns out that he's not even there. Can you believe that I had made this cross-country trip and that jackass wasn't even there? Apparently, he'd gone to visit a lady friend of his in Louisiana. Her granddaughter was being confirmed and he couldn't miss that for the world. So, that's a week that I had to myself. I started packing up our things, leaving the clothes and such to the last. Well, President Houdini himself does come back and delves straight into the packing. He doesn't speak to me unless he has to. He only comes to bed after I've already fallen asleep and he never eats with me. I tell myself that he's just sad about his tenure in the Oval being done, but admittedly his blatant disinterest in my presence hurt a little--"
"Abbey--"
"You're still the girlfriend, so shut the hell up and listen. This story will have you in stitches." She just looks into his eyes with a cold glare and he relents, giving her the consideration not granted to her before. "It hurt more than a little, actually, but considering some of the things I said before I left months ago; it was understandable. But then, I started to get a little suspicious. I'd started packing our clothes and was having them sent to Manchester ahead of us so that they'd be there when we arrived. Well, I overheard some Secret Service Agents handling them and one was saying that they were being sent to New Hampshire, but the other said not the President's. His were being sent ahead to an unspecified destination. According to this agent, the President was taking a sabbatical. That's right a sabbatical. Sounds strange right? I thought so, too. Especially since I'd heard nothing of the sort from anybody, including my husband, who I hadn't heard much from in the times that I was in the same room with him, much less states apart. Well, another agent asks, what about the First Lady? I was having the same thought. The second guy goes, she doesn’t even know he's going. She thinks he's going back to Manchester with her. Won't she be surprised? To say the least, the very least, surprised I was. I thought they were wrong; they had to be wrong. He was going home with me. Where else would he be going? That brings us to right now. Where else could he possibly be going...girlfriend?" She finally moves from behind the armchair and steps closer to him. Her hand still rests comfortably enough on its back. 'Just in case I need it to stand,' she thinks to herself.
He doesn't turn as a matter of fact, he walks right past her to the bookshelf to her right. "I don't want to do this with you, Abigail. If you want to fight, I respect that, but can you either do it silently or wait until I leave the room? Either one is fine with me." She hides her hurt at the off-handedness of the remark.
"So, you don't have anything to add…or admit?" He stops, but still doesn't look at her. He heaves a sigh and goes to stand behind the oak desk in front of the window.
"What do you want from me, Abbey? Just tell me, I have packing to do." If he wants to be that way; they can be that way.
"I just want to know what they were talking about, Jed. After that, you won't have to worry about me. I'll be out of your way."
"I thought I was the girlfriend." Her lip twitches for a moment, but it doesn't last. She realizes that he wasn't being funny, but being cruel.
"Yeah. Just answer the question, Jed." He doesn't sigh like before or roll his eyes. He just watches her with inquisitive eyes. It's slightly unnerving to her and she unconsciously stands up straighter and taller.
"I'm taking a sabbatical. They had that right."
"Where?"
"Does it matter?" She looks down at the carpet. She doesn't want him to see what this conversation, this whole situation, has done to her. He can't see how much it's hurting her.
"Okay, when?"
"As soon as the Inauguration is over." That surprises her a little. She looks up.
"You're not staying for the balls?" He shakes his head. "Oh, any particular reason?"
"None that I feel like sharing with you." Now, he's only being malicious to be that way.
"Okay...Why? Why are you going? What have I done that's so bad that you don't even want be in the same house with me anymore?" He lets out a bitter laugh.
"What gives you the idea that this is about you? This could have absolutely nothing to do with you. You could just be an innocent bystander in all this. It's not likely, but you could be." She stands even straighter. She expected this to have something to do with her.
"So, am I?"
"Are you what?"
"An innocent bystander."
"Yeah, you never did anything wrong. This doesn't have anything to do with you." Now, she doesn't believe him, but lets it go.
"Then why are you being this way? What's happening? Why can't I reach you, Jed? Why won't you let me?" She never meant to let that hysterical vulnerability out, not for him to see. Never for him.
"It's nothing you can help. It's just the way things are, the way they have to be. There's nothing for you to reach for. I'm just here, Abbey. I'm not on any mountaintops, nor am I felled in any hole. I do not sit upon the clouds, beside our Lord, looking down. There are no dragons to slay; demons there are in abundance, but those aren't your problem. I'm just here. That's all. Just here." He looks at her, no vulnerabilities visible, no cracks in the armor. She wishes she knew what was happening behind that brilliant blue gaze. She'd give anything to know.
"Why didn't you tell me you were taking a sabbatical? I am your wife, don't I deserve a little notice that my husband is about to disappear for who knows how long? Maybe just a call that says, 'Ma'am your husband is leaving you. The annulment/divorce papers will arrive to be signed in a few days. The President sends his love and says, it's not you, it's me. Have a nice day, ma'am. And God bless.' You don't think I deserve that much consideration?"
"It wasn't about consideration. It was about confrontation and no confrontation. I was tired of fighting. I was tired of fighting with you. I'm weary, Abbey. I'm ready to rest my nerves and my heart. I'm ready to get out of bed with no expectations for the day, to believe what I want to believe without worrying about my approval ratings. That's what I want to do. That's what I'm going to do."
"You can't do that with me?"
"No, Abbey, I can't. You and I, we will always be...this way. I've doomed us to this and I don't want that for you. You can do better. And so --"
"So can you, right? Is that what this is all about? You want to be free...to be with your lady friend form Louisiana?" Now, he looks surprised. Not that she knows about her, but that she'd think that.
"Wow, I didn't know something that stupid existed in your head. Which is starting to say something." It takes her a second to catch that.
"Hey! I resent that remark."
"You should. Okay, let's not do this...whatever the hell this is. I'm almost done packing in here. You don't have to worry about any of this, it's all going with me. As you already know, my clothes are taken care of as well. Now, if we're finished, you should go eat your lunch before it gets cold. I've already had mine and I know that it's absolutely ghastly when cold."
"They can reheat it for me; I'm not done talking to you yet."
"Well, I'm done listening, Abigail. The Inauguration is in a few hours and I've yet to be dressed and the same goes for you. I need to be done with this before the Inauguration, because I'm leaving directly afterwards."
"Are you taking Air Force One?" She doensn't really care; she's just trying to keep the conversation from ending.
"No, I've chartered a private jet-liner. You're taking Air Force One home." She was indignant.
"On whose word?"
"Mine."
"Jed, you don't order me around."
"The husband is the head of the wife as Christ was the head of the Church."
"I thought you said he was a hack."
"He was."
"And yet you're quoting him."
"I use what I need to get my point across."
"That hasn't escaped my attention. And I'm gonna ignore that quote because it's stupid and you know it's stupid."
"Of course I do. It was still valid."
"Not even."
"Yeah, it really was. Or so according to the Hack."
"Yes, and that's why we're no longer going to be listening to him."
"Right." Their moment of levity dies and he sighs. "You should go eat your lunch, Abigail. I wasn't joking. It's really bad when eaten cold." He sits up from his place leaning against the desk. He goes back to packing. It's like they're back to where they started and she wonders if anything he said was even true.
"You know, you can't keep doing this to me, Jed." He turns around and looks at her, not comprehending. "You can't want me one moment and push me away in the next one. That's what you've been doing this whole time. You say it's not me, but you're still leaving me in a few hours. You're still going away and you sound like you're never coming home. And I need to know if I need to be prepared for this. Jed, are you leaving me?" He tries to speak, but hesitates. "Don't think, just answer."
"I'm going away...I don't know if I'm coming back."
"Do you want to?"
"Do I want to what?"
"Come back."
"I haven't thought that far ahead."
"What if I found someone else while you were away? Someone who paid rapt attention to me? What if I fell in love?"
"Then there'd be no reason for me to come back, would there?" He pretends the idea doesn't hurt, but he doesn't fool her nearly as well as he fools himself.
"Are you still in love with me or do you just pretend for the sake of the camera? How long have you just been pretending to love me?"
"I've never pretended to love you, I've never had to. It's always been real."
"What changed?" For the first time, throughout all this she sees a crack in his armor.
"Me, Abigail. I changed, and you weren't there to see, so you have no idea how much and how drastically. We've spent so long apart that we both became these new, not necessarily better, but new people. And now, we don’t fit. We don't mold together to make a being so filled with love, it glows. That's not us anymore. We're just two people so wrapped in each other that we're desperate to save something that no longer exists that we'd do just about anything to forget that we've changed at all. You've changed into someone that I can't live with...and so have I." The box is filled and he fits the lid on. "I'm gonna go take a nap; you should go have your lunch. Remind them to warm it up for you." He walks to the door, but stops before opening it. He turns to look at her. He takes her in as if this is the last time. He soaks up the eyes that have intrigued him from day one and the body he knows better than his own, that bore him the most beautiful children a father could ask for. He never intended for her to find out before he left. There was never supposed to be a fight, a confrontation. He was never supposed to see her cry. But he sees the tears glowing in her eyes. It breaks what's left of his heart and for a moment he considers staying, but he knows that if he does he'll never be able to leave her.
He closes the door behind him and walks away...
On his last day, he rested. And on his last day, she cried.
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Dos Aviones - Right Hand Man [chapter 2]
