Jack's POV
Well, this is some kind of mess I've gotten myself into. A very big mess. I'm so screwed. I can't believe myself. No, I can't believe this situation. Things like this shouldn't happen to a forty *cough* eight*cough year-old Air Force Colonel like me. I mean I kick Goa'uld butt. I've been host body to various 'alien' entities. None that I really want to talk about. *Shiver* Yet, it seems fitting that this happens to me just because. Fate and I can't stand each other. Can't ya tell?
You're probably wondering why I'm freaking out here. Well, I'll tell you. Believe me, I need to tell someone.
So, um yesterday we went off world to P6L-725, I think though I don't really care. Everything was swell, really. At least I thought it was. We came in just at the start of a feast. Their annual fertility feast was just about to get in full swing when we arrived through the 'Gate. Great timing on our part, huh? From the moment I heard it was a fertility feast, I wanted out. I just knew something just great, was bound to happen, I was dead right.
So, it was early in the evening, just after nightfall, and the celebration was just reaching its peak. I, being the ever-cautious one stayed as much out of the festivities as possible. My thought were that someone was going to have to drag them back to camp. I guessed it was gonna be me...again.
Or so I thought.
Out of nowhere, it seems, comes the Elders' personal priestess, Zimmer. She came toward me at this flowy, sluggish, but graceful gait. There was something different about her that night. Her demeanor was...mischievous, yet motherly and caring.
She took my hand and guided me away from the party and my team. After that, my memory of that night becomes almost surreal and fantastical. I remember being led to an altar, a stone altar where she helped me lay down. I remember thinking of my mother as she ran her fingers over my forehead with concern. And she said, "It'll be all right now. You'll be more and even more whole." It is safe to say, I didn't follow, but I just nodded dumbly. Must stop that.
After that I fell asleep. Even in my sleep, I was aware of something being done to me. I remember an intense cool and then a glowing warmth. Then, I woke up, to stare at the ceiling of the Gate room. My thought at the time: Oh Shit.
At that moment I knew something was very wrong with my body, very wrong. So, next thing I know I'm in the infirmary, staring at Janet's face, which was hovering over mine at the time.
"Colonel O'Neill, can you hear me? Colonel? Can you hear me?" Her voice was a fuzzy as her face.
"Yeah, quit yellin', I hear ya." I remember feeling terribly nauseous and unbelievably achy inside. " Janet. What happened to me? My team? Worry for myself disappeared at that moment. "My team? They're okay? Janet?" The heart monitor started to go haywire. Janet paled a bit.
"Colonel, calm down before I have to sedate you." I stilled instantly. I needed to know about my team. " Your team is fine. They're fine. It's you I'm worried about." Oh no, that feelings back. Something is very wrong.
"Janet have I gained weight or is there something I haven't been told, _yet_? I emphasize the yet." Janet looks baffled and a little worried. Neither of which at any time are a good thing. And *never* at the same time.
"Colonel, something very strange has happened and , yeah, well, it happened to you, sir." She refused to look me in the eye.
"What happened to me exactly?" She's biting her lip. Nervous movements by Janet Frasier are never a good sign. Never.
"Sir, I'm not exactly sure how to say this, but..." She shares a glance with my team... Hey, there they are! Before looking back at me. "Colonel, you're pregnant." Wow! I must be getting old. I'm starting to hear things, preposterous things.
"Could you repeat that, Doc? I must be getting old, because I thought I heard you say I'm pregnant, which isn't possible because I'm a man." My eyes all but bug out. " I am still a man, right?" The heart monitor is going crazy right along with me.
"Colonel, calm down. You're still a man. Just a pregnant man." Oh God, she isn't kidding. I look down at myself to see my normally pretty fit figure considerably rounder around the middle. That's most definitely what's wrong here. Is it just me or are the lights getting very dim. well, dimmer than normal, that is. Oh, I know this feeling. I'm passing out. *Shrug* What can one expect? A baby shower? Yep, I think I'll stay here for a while. Light's out. No pun intended.
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