There was this guy who bought an elderly circus elephant; I don't know why. Alas, he couldn't afford to feed it. He'd never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000. All sorts of people tried, but nobody could get the elephant to jump. Finally, this little guy arrives in a limousine. He's carrying a baseball bat. He walks up to the elephant, swings the bat, and crunches the elephant’s tail pretty badly. Needless to say, the elephant jumps, and the owner pays out the $50,000. Unfortunately, the owner had barely collected enough to cover the prize, so he ran another contest. He'd never seen an elephant swing its head back and forth as if to say, "no or yes." Same deal as before: $10 per entry, $50,000 prize. Lots of people try and failed. Then the little guy shows up in his limousine again, pulls out his bat, and walks up to the elephant. He says, "Remember me?" The elephant nods yes. The man says holds up his bat and says, "Want me to use this again?" The elephant nods his head rather emphatically no....
Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
In the traffic court of a large midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the Judge to answer for a ticket given to her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the Judge's eyes. "You're a school teacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"
A person walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I ve ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!" The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."
A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out. The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?" The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes." The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!" "OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want." The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?" "I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."
probly u mite like this 1.......... * Bill Gates Bill Gates died and found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. "Well, Bill," God said, "I m really confused about this call; I m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. So I m going to do something I ve never done before. In your case, I m going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What s the difference between the two?" God said, "I m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, "I m going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "Okay, then, let s try Hell first." So off Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," God replied, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How s everything going, Bill?" God asked. Bill responded (his voice full of anguish and disappointment), "This is awful; this is not what I expected. I can t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?" "Ah," God smiled and said, "That was just the screensaver."
~~ramz~~~
...p.s:betcha cant resist passin at least 1 of em on
